Valedictorian | Armin Arlert

senses

You painfully rubbed your eyes. This Saturday, you put studying on hold. Your eyes were so conformed to textbook pages, you saw paragraphs in hideous fonts wherever you looked.

Exams were this coming week, meaning any breaks felt like a sin.

A certain blond had been occupying your head and at this point, it was becoming infuriating and only one thing could erase him from your thoughts; studying.

Hardly anything made up for the pompous aromas and textures that facilitated the pages, pencils and flashcards that were required. If you clouded your mind with knowledge, the thoughts that were waiting for you outside your books would overflow.

Speaking of overflow, your phone had been blown up. Not literally- but your father had been calling you from the ungodly hours of the night to the very brightest moments of noon. You couldn't bring yourself to block his number but on a few occasions, it came close.

The day prior, Mrs. Kirschtein had phoned you, letting you know that your father had called her. She wanted you to call him, saying that your father was worried and you explained your justifications for not picking up. To your pleasure, Mrs. Kirschtein agreed, letting you know she will tell your father that you are safe and okay. Not once did she say "but he's your father."

You didn't block you father and he resumed his constant ringing. It would've been easier to block him or silence your phone but the ringing was addictive– no matter how annoying it was. The ringing, specifically, that was not addictive. It was savoring the sensation of wanting to be seen and irony of him trying to do so. The roles were switched and instead if him being nagged to acknowledge you, you were being nagged to acknowledge him.

Your stomach churned as the worst flooded your mind. What had been waiting was worming it's way through. Remembering what Armin said to you in the parking lot still itched in the rear of your head. Instead of studying, he was at the aquarium with Emilia. The thoughts overflowed. Soon enough, it was all you could think about.

The words Armin said at the socratic seminar at the beginning of the year flashed through your head. And all you could do was laugh. You choked for a minute at how well you caught on. This all made sense now and it didn't before. 

It was the day you learned a devil dressed in silk is still a devil. 

Armin was distracted and you couldn't help but blame yourself. The entire weekend, you studied and worked to hopefully push away the conclusion you couldn't face. It was time to end the semantics with Armin because as time marched forward, you realized the tangled mess that had been cultivating between you and Armin would only hold you back and if you were truly looking out for him, you would recognize it would do the same to him.

That very next morning you acted as if nothing happened. The parking lot, Thanksgiving, the library moments; all of them. The highs and lows, the euphoria and despondency; both were nothing but a distraction. You didn't want to be upset with Armin, or angry or bitter or countless negative emotions that would be typical. All you wanted was civility. Not even a friendly jab. You didn't want to speak with him at all.

"For Thanksgiving?" Sasha's eyes shot wide open. She was shocked you hadn't told them sooner. Which was justified because it had been a week and they were your best friends.

"That's what I said," you mumbled tiredly, turning into the school parking lot. The stampede of people didn't appear to be letting up any time soon. Much like the cold weather, it just seemed to get colder. Granted, it didn't snow as often and not in the same quantity, nevertheless, snow always met the the horizon.