Valedictorian | Armin Arlert

mirage

"I don't know how to explain this to you in terms you understand," you said. You rubbed your temples and groaned. "What... is there anything that you know like the back of your hand. Like a sport, an instrument, or something?" 

Eren, who seemed just as exasperated, had his hands covering his face. "Uhhh, I like to hike...? Like trails. National parks." 

You slammed your hand on the table. "There!" you cheered and scrambled to the whiteboard. "Okay, so each little hiking route is a bunch of little trails, which is like how you have atoms in a molecule. Therefore, if the trails are like molecules, then..." you waited for him to finish. 

He narrowed his eyes. "So... parks are like... compounds." 

"The limits of your knowledge amaze me." You told him. "I mean fantastic deductive reasoning, but most things beyond that are completely foreign to you."

"Thanks...?" he said. "But you'd be surprised on how much I can figure out. That or... you make things too easy to figure out."

"I don't think it would surprise me, actually." You inhaled sharply and furrowed your brow. "How did you know about... you know? You mentioned Armin when I saw you the other day. I had never even mentioned him."

"Huh?"

"I bumped into you in the hall before I found out... you knew I ran into Armin, but I never told you I ran into him."

Eren paused and shifted his weight. The two of you were hanging out at a library on the opposite side of town. Eren hadn't been inside a library since grade school, and it was evident by his obliviously loud tone. As generous as you were, you suggested tutoring to help him graduate. His odds of passing Chemistry were looking bleak so naturally, he took you up on that offer.

"I already knew. As complex and as intricate as Armin pretends to be, his actions all boil down to the fact he always seems to be afraid," he said.

"Of?"

"Armin has a hard time letting people go. We aren't as close as we used to be but I can't say we wouldn't be complete strangers if it wasn't for him." He sucked in air through his teeth. "Graduating will be hard for him. Probably why he hasn't left his bitch of a girlfriend." 

You sighed, ignoring the fact he called Emilia a bitch. Calling her that didn't feel right. While she might have deserved it, it felt... disquieting coming from him. "He never really liked Emilia, I don't think. I try not to think wishfully, but I can say it with confidence."

Eren took in your observation, testing it against his own. "I think he got with her because she reminded him of you. It was a shortcut, in a sense. I don't think he ever expected you to like him back."

There was a cruel sense of humor in between the grief. A small laugh blew past your lips. "I didn't think I'd like him either."

"You know how... toxic... this is right?"

"Oh, of course," you admitted. "But honestly, this isn't a children's story. There aren't any themes or central messages. It's simply the human condition, the dark truth of misfortune and misunderstanding. It's the sequence of disconnect, spiraling circumstances and it makes you wonder where either of us went wrong. We weren't toxic on purpose."

"That's some deep stuff." he deadpanned.

"I suppose if I were to reflect, it may have gone wrong when we fell asleep during our project late at night, back during Thanksgiving. Or maybe it was the series of situations where we were forced to face the fact that the odds we set against each other weren't so great."

"Your connection was hardly avoidable." Eren pointed out.

He said it like we should've known. Like it wasn't misdirection but a prophetical law of nature. Armin and I are the fools. "It was executed horribly."

"You really connected the dots there, huh?"

Your eyes rolled back in your head. "You're one to talk. Don't you have finals to study for?"

Eren nodded. It was a lie. May had just rolled around, April in its shadow. It felt like yesterday was Mikasa's birthday. "I don't suppose we could study together?"

You shook your head. "We don't have any classes together."

"You could study with–"

"Don't."

Eren stifled a smirk. You packed up your books, giving the window a sidelong glance. The sun was setting. Rays that slipped beyond the foreseeable skyline compounded through the glass.

"Once we graduate, will it even matter? I mean, I never even asked what college he was going to." You bit your bottom lip. 

He rose a brow, genuinely shocked at what you said. "You never discussed it?" he said. "Not once? I thought that's all you nerds talked about." 

Your face soured. "Enjoy trade school, birdman." 

The question was legitimate. After all, you were growing up. In a few months, it will all blow over. Valedictorian or not, you'd be successful. This was high school, goddamn it. Perhaps Armin was just doing what he needed and it infected what he wanted. Cards are often dealt like that. 

"Look, whatever Armin does," you said, frowning. Before you could finish, there was a knock at the door. 

It was Rico. She had unlocked the door. "This room is reserved for noon," she said. "Sorry, guys. Especially you, Eren, I know you needed this." 

You laughed and Eren rolled his eyes. "Good one," he said monotone. 

After your study session, Eren bought you lunch as payment. While you tried to dodge the topic of Armin, it was inevitable as your curiosity and determination to dissect his psyche pulled stronger than your quest for subtly and closure. His situation was not an excuse, but it was an explanation. The senior year may not have been as academically stressful, but college admissions, essays, internships, financial aid, and coping with the tragedy of your childhood's impending doom, on top of the drama of falling for your rival, you had the capacity to see how it happened. 

You and Eren waved each other goodbye after lunch. 

Every time you thought of kissing Armin, you were conflicted with the thought of him kissing Emilia. By then, you remembered the shattered expression of him realizing she was a cheater. Only then to realize, he was, too. Then you remembered who she cheated with. There was a steel loop only breakable by the efforts of Armin himself. 

You pulled out your phone and dialed his number. It rang for a single second. 

"(Y/N)," he said. 

×××
To be continued

a/n

ok I was gonna put this in the previous chapter but the moods were too different. anyway eat up.

Also I wanna take this opportunity to tell u guys if you liked Valedictorian, I write short pics on Tumblr. The url is the same as my Wattpad username. Amateurduhhh. ok thank you have a good night, morning, evening.