Valedictorian | Armin Arlert

occult

The past few weeks had been painful.

You had made up with Armin, but it wasn't enough. He began to spend more and more time with Emilia. Of course, how could you blame him? She really was something. It felt like a selfish craving but you let yourself indulge in it regardless. The script had flipped and you were on the other side.

Not to say you didn't make some daily affirmations to suppress how you felt.

Instead, you were the one wishing and waiting for him. Armin occupied your mind at random moments of the day when he was no where to be found. As if his hands greedily clutched the heart of your voodoo doll. He was like a ghost.

Now that the second semester had begun, the project (which you aced) was now over. There was no reason to spend any more time with Armin. No excuse to rendezvous with your rival and it was sickening to face the fact all the hours you spent were a mere excuse.

At the very least, the tension between you and him seemed to ease and become nonexistent. You spoke to him in class and during lunch when you both snuck off to the school library, bribing the librarian to let you eat lunch there. Together.

Armin peeked his vast ocean eyes from behind one of the book shelves that you sat behind. "Hey," said Armin, his tone low and hushed to appease the librarian.

"Wasn't expecting to see you here," you said, preoccupied with a thick copy of Peace and War, stuck between your fingertips.

He sputtered, "yeah that's a lie." 

You pointed out the copy of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis. The undeniably off-putting cover caught your attention. It was a dark, dusty fading blur. Legs protruded from the sides like a twitching insect. To complete the disquieting picture, a man's face, dull with eyes devoid of hope.

"Kafka?" You gestured. Armin nodded and took a seat beside you.

"He was victim," shrugged Armin. "He was like us. Brilliant and filled with potential..."

"...disposed of and exploited..." you sighed as you finished his thought.

"Squeeze like a lemon of mind."

You admired Armin's analysis. Franz Kafka's work reflected a lot how he perceived the real world. In Metamorphosis, despite being inexplicably transformed into a bug, a man must navigate his normal life. Kafka was a lawyer, stuck in a system that exploited his brilliance, drained it from him at the expense of his own happiness, with no way out.

"Exactly. Could you imagine that being us one day?"

"I thought the same thing," you sadly smiled. You didn't say it, but Kafka's work unsettled you the same way a psychological horror would. It was a possible reality for you. You would immerse yourself in your work and it would kill you whether you liked it or not. Unfortunately, Kafka did not.

"(Y/N)," said Armin. "Can you promise me something?" It seemed like he was closing in on you, but the two of you sat behind a bookshelf, criss-cross applesauce with juice boxes and crackers for lunch. There was no way he was inching closer but you wanted him to.

"I don't know," you replied.

"If I become valedictorian–"

"You won't," you cut him off.

His eyes rolled in the back of his head, "if by some miracle," he teased, "I was the valedictorian... you wouldn't hate me... or anything."

"If... you were valedictorian?" You waited to answer because you wanted to be truthful. If Armin was number one and not you? God, just thinking about it made you feel a hint of anger. But not at him. "I don't think I would hate you."