Musings - 9th - pondering through poetry

The Filler

I remember telling her how I'm always the last option
Never the first
Almost only the second

And she romanticized the notion
Silly little me, I believed it

"You should be flattered I come to when you when I'm alone but instead you take offence."

I was the --
The replacement when the first option said no
The replacement when the first option wasn't available
The filler in between activities
The filler in between the people she actually preferred to be with.
The white noise when she did the dishes
The music when she was on the road
The podcast when the room was empty
The one on the other end of the call when no one else would pick up -- and I always did

She was the one for me;
And I was just her filler

And yet every step of the way she proved to me just how replaceable I am... Or was...
Took her all of two seconds
To confiscate from me the things I loved the most

All just to punish me

And like I fool, I clung on tighter;
Tried a little harder.

Morphed into something else; Someone else.
Disappeared into someone else.

I put her first and into my every second breath

Until someone better came along
And she ran off with them.
Into the sunset, like it was nothing
Fawning over someone who's turned her into a brute
(Don't you miss how I made you feel like a queen?)

Now I'm stranded here.

Sitting on the roof top, pondering through everything

Wondering what I did wrong
When I was wronged.

--- Ink and Wander