when you were my father

new news

"So, what happened to her?" Facing a middle-aged doctor, I stand talking to him in the hallway of the hospital my mom was taken to. He has kind, but serious eyes, clearly passionate about his job.

"Well, I'm thinking she's just in shock from your father's passing. Has anything else like this happened recently?"

"Not really..." I guess that's a lie. She's been a little weird, acting a lot quieter and smaller than the way she used to be. Only talking when spoken to. Distant from my siblings and I. I hadn't noticed it until now, since I suppose we've all been a little different.

"Well, I'm thinking she's just stressed out from that whole tragic event. Treat her nicely, be good kids and take care of her, okay?"

I nod and smile at the man. He leads me back in to the room where my mom is sitting, arms crossed, in a hospital bed.

"You're ready to go home."

"Oh, good."

She quickly slings her legs over the bed and steps onto the ground. Her face shows that she didn't want to be brought here, thinking she's completely fine and would rather have brushed the whole ordeal off.

"What did he say?" Micah asks. Isla continues to draw whatever she is working on, barely noticing that we've entered the room.

"Just that it's probably post-traumatic stress. Nothing big, we should just take care of her."

"Sound's good. How are you, mom?" He asks, turning to our mother who's eyes have been delicately wandering the room.

"I'm fine. Let's just go home." She snaps, distantly staring at the wall.

"Okay." Micah replies, "You're good driving?"

"Of course I am. Kids, I'm fine." She reassures us, but she's lying. I can tell, it's something in her eyes.

"Fine. Isla, come on, we're going home." Micah tells our youngest sibling, but she doesn't even seem to acknowledge his words.

"Isla?" I ask her. Again no recognition. "ISLA."

She snaps out of whatever sort of trance she was in. "What?"

"We're going home, okay?" I say, looking intensely towards the eyes of my younger sister, trying to see if she's okay.

"Okay." She tells me, staring into my eyes.

**************

"So what happened with your Mom earlier?" Maya asks me. We're sitting on her bed, working on algebra homework.

Every time I'm here I can't help thinking about how big her room is, especially compared to mine. We've been friends for years, I've come over thousands of times but it's still strange thinking about how better off her family is compared to mine. She's an only child, while I'm one of three. She's got the newest phone, while I've got an old iPhone 4 that can only call, text, listen to music and take photos. She's got a probably multi-million house and I live in a house that hasn't seen any updates in decades. I feel bad for comparing us, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

"Some sort of post traumatic stress panic attack or something, nothing serious."

"Oh, well that's good, right?"

"Yeah, it is." I can tell my face is falling serious and she notices.

"On a very different note, what are your opinions on Lexi?" She gets up off the bed and walks over to her desk, searching for something in the drawers.

"Lexi, as in the girl who's obsessed with horses and Rainbow Fairies?"

She comes back over to the bed, holding a newspaper page and black nail polish bottle. "She's different now, that was like in third grade. Everyone was obsessed with the Rainbow Fairies, even you. But yes, her."

"What about her?"

"Just, like, what do you think about her?"

"Well, like you just pointed her out, I still think of her as an eight year old, but she seems nice. Any reason for asking?"

"Well, I kinda have a crush on her and was just wondering."

"Wait, what happened with Jase and Alani?"

"A girl's allowed to have a crush on multiple people, right?"

"I mean, maybe? I don't really know."

"I say yes, it's not like anything's going to happen with any of them. Jase is homophobic and I'm pretty sure Alana and Lexi are both straight."

"That's annoying, but don't worry you'll find someone one day."

"Yup, anyways what about you and DJ? Ever going to do anything about that?"

"Damn, girl, I'll do something eventually. I'm just..."

"Afraid that you'll screw it up or something?" She cuts me off, making me roll my eyes but crack a smile.

"Not how I would have worded it, but basically yeah."

"Brah, don't worry, you're cute, fun and he most definitely likes you. So just go for it." Looking up from her nails, she talks like everything should be super obvious.

"I don't know Maya..."

"Girl, what happened to you?" She suddenly sits straight up and looks at me. "You used to be so carefree, but now you're just serious."

"I..." I know what happened, but I don't want to talk about it. Not right now at least. "I, uh, have to go, see you tomorrow."

I stumble off her bed and walk to the door, grabbing my bag from the ground. I open the door and turn into the hallway and run down the stairs, not even looking back.

**************

I'm out of her house as quick as I can be, not even saying goodbye to her mom as I pass through the kitchen.

Halfway down the street I pause. That wasn't right. Maya... my phone dings. After I pull it out, I see that it's from my best friend. Like she was reading my mind or something.

'u ok' The message reads, simple and short.

'yea, sorry i left like that' I quickly respond, immediately seeing a text bubble showing her working on a reply.

'its fine, i should have thought before i talked' She replies, pausing before starting again. 'lmao but yk i never do'

'you rlly never do' She may say some crazy things, but Maya never fails to make me smile. I wouldn't be sane, like I am in the first place, without her.

'shit my mom thinks im done with hw, ciao 4 now, ttyl, c u 2morrow at school'

'you really just used every way to say goodbye there, didn't you' But she didn't see that, my message was left on delivered.

So I stuff my phone into my backpack, not even caring if the screen cracks. It's already beat up pretty bad from my clumsiness.

I have a weird little skip in my step as I walk home. Something in the air feels good, positive vibes for the first time in what feels like forever.

***********

"Alright, time for dinner." I call, bringing Micah and Isla running towards the food. I've just finished making our dinner, as I do almost every night. Slowly, my mom wanders out of her room as well, and I set the food down on the table.

Everyone quickly grabs their serving, except for our mother. She just sits and stares at the food I made. The other two begin to stuff their faces with rice, beans and chili, but I look at her, trying to figure out what's going through her mind.

"Mommy? Are you okay?"

She turns to face me and slowly nods. "Yes." And then she spoons rice onto her plate.

We eat the dinner, but I can't help thinking about my mom. What's going on?