Tyrant in the Shadows

Part 17

"Is that what the vines on the bedposts this morning was about?" Miriam asked, her brows knitting together. Her only response was him looking away again. "Ok. But can you just apologize for dropping me so I can not be mad at you and give you a hug?"

"Sorry," he muttered, teeth clenched while he tried to block the incoming tears.

Miriam nodded and pulled him to her, hugging him tightly. He put his arms around her, but not in a real hug. It was halfhearted. 

"Let's get back to the sparring gym... or whatever it's called," Rhodes rolled his eyes and released her.

"Why? Want to kick my butt in the sparring arena some more? Let's just... I don't know, go back to the dorms. Or eat. I don't know."

"Meh. I thought you'd get tired of me beating you eventually," he shrugged and started walking.

"Ok... that's true. So can you give me some pointers? How do I beat you?" the raven haired girl pulled the hair tie out of her hair to let it down. She started walking next to him.

"Experience. You need experience," he shrugged again.

"Ok, Rhodes, you're never like this. What's wrong? Is it really the nightmares? You didn't act like this when you had them before," she ran her fingers through her hair to brush it out. The red dyed strips were more evident when it was brushed out.

"I like your hair down better than up. It looks more controlled."

"That's not answering my questions."

He ignored her and opened the dorm door, letting her in before him. Miriam sighed. What exactly was it with him? 

"Hope you weren't too keen on the eating idea," Rhodes muttered, climbing onto his bunk.

Miriam rolled her eyes and crawled onto the bed after him. She kicked off her shoes and leaned against the headboard. She heaved a sigh, "Well, can you tell me what's going on?"

"Do I have to?" He asked, his eyes closed.

"I'd like for you to. Aren't we supposed to like not have any secrets or something? We're stuck being partners and all."

"Thought you said we weren't partners."

"Well, we aren't officially."

They sat in silence for a couple more minutes. It felt like an eternity for Miriam but Rhodes was trapped deep in thought. He wasn't quite aware time was actually passing.

"Remember how I said I had a really hard time keeping the pictures of my family in those last minutes out of my mind?" He asked eventually.

Miriam nodded. Of course she knew. She felt the same way with her brother. Even now when she didn't have nightmares, she'd wake up with the memory of his faceless body ingrained in her vision. It didn't happen much anymore, thankfully. It was hard for her to function normally on the days it happened. PTSD or some freak mind thing like that. That's what Delaney had said the first time she'd woken up to a building on fire. No one knew she'd even seen her brother that night before then.

"Well, I have a photographic memory. I can't not remember something in perfect detail. I'd gotten pretty good at blocking out those memories. It's just- I get like you on the days you're bothered with the nightmares and stuff when I can't block it out. I've gotten good at it since we were partnered so none of my mental defenses have slipped since then. I guess that's why you've never noticed."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I should have thought that you could be affected the same way I've been," she stared at a crack in the paint on the ceiling for a moment, "Why haven't you ever told me about your photographic memory? Well, I guess it makes sense. When we go into battles, everything always looks exactly the same as before we got there."

"Hmm, yeah. I don't remember the exact leaf location or anything. Just which plants were where," he smiled a bit, his eyes slipping closed. 

He leaned his head to rest it on her shoulder. Miriam turned to give him a look, but she didn't say anything like she usually would. She would never admit it, but seeing Rhodes so... lifeless bothered her. A lot. She may not have any romantic feeling for him, but he was her best friend. She cared about him a lot. Something else she would never admit. She held herself to a standard. She didn't want anyone to know she cared about anyone but Julie. Julie was her family. Her blood. That was important, and it should be to everyone. That's what Miriam thought.

Did Rhodes see her as his family? His was all gone. Maybe he just wanted a family, and that's why he was so insistent that they should call each other partners, even if it wasn't official. But would being his partner affect how she was supposed to view Julie? No one ever talked about their families; not after they'd been partnered. What was with that system? Why did it seem to make anything that was important to the person before the partner void?

What about the families those who were partnered had? Did they wonder what happened to their child after they'd stopped writing? For those the outpost had contact to the families of, they sent letters to their loved ones when death hit. And they sent the information to the next outpost when and if the potentials transferred. They would know if their child had died. Miriam found comfort in that. 

Until she remember the families who's children ran off to join an outpost. 

And, of course, she ached for those who lost their families. The ones like Rhodes who lived on their own until they were old enough to join an outpost. And the ones like her. The ones who were taken in by the outpost. The ones that never had any intention to fight. Not until they had no choice.

Miriam's downward spiral of thoughts were interrupted by Rhode's snoring. She raised a brow and replaced her shoulder with a pillow. The fire elemental hopped off the top bunk, put her shoes on, and left the room.

She had been hoping they were going to go eat.