Little Star

Chapter One

I don't like when people get close to me.

They say that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. I used to think that this quote was only about two people in love but later I realized that it talks about love generally. Loving someone close to you-your parent, your sibling, your friend, gives you strength to get up every morning and make them proud by being happy because this is what they want to see in you-they want to see you happy. Being loved deeply by them gives you the courage to be yourself around them, act how you want to be in front of them, and allow their never-ending love to heal your wounds. Soon after I turned twelve years old, I realized that this is how real love is and wished that I could experience it one day.

I hate it

There's a side of me who detests it and wants to lock herself in her room and never have any kind of physical contact with people. It's the side that is afraid of getting hurt and wants to protect herself from any kind of emotional turmoil.

But there's the side that wants to be loved, fussed over, taken care of. That wants to allow her walls to crumble down and find people who accept her, love her and allow her to be herself.

Point is, it's safer to never allow yourself get attached to someone and miss out rather than get attached and be hurt all over again. I was a mix of attachment and commitment issues.

I was living in the countryside in London with my aunt. She was a good woman• she provided me financially, she got me gifts, even got me a dog. I was grateful for the things she gave me.

The only thing missing out was the emotional part. Christmas days were never full of love and enjoyable family activities. I don't think we've ever eaten dinner together. And I don't think there's a time where I got help when I was upset or frustrated or anything.

But it is how it is. I couldn't do more.

It was something I was used to and I didn't want to complain because I didn't want fo seem ungrateful. It could be worse, could it?

Sometimes I did wonder why she had taken me in. She never told me anything so I assumed my parents had died or decided they wanted a more luxurious life without the burden of children. I tried to not pay thought to that. If I did, I'd drown in my misery.

So you can imagine my surprise when she suddenly told me they were back.

It was a normal day. I had got 75% on a math quiz which isn't good by average standards but by my standards it's extremely good and my English teacher had congratulated me on doing good on a small story we were assigned to write. I had a lot of homework for later but knowing myself, I'd most likely ignore it and watch movies on my phone.

I opened the door to the house and I was immediately met by the sight of my aunt pacing back and forth while making an effort to put out snacks and clean the house simultaneously.

“Oh, hi,” she sighed when she saw me. “You're finally home.”

“Is someone coming over and you forgot it?” I asked, noticing how frenzy she looked.

“Not exactly...” she hesitated. “I think you should sit down and I'll explain.”

She led me to sit down on the kitchen table where she had set a plate of fries. She pushed the plate towards me and say opposite of me, fumbling with her hands.

“Your family is coming to get you.”

The hand that reached for a fry froze and I looked up at my aunt wide-eyed. What parents? Was this some weird joke?

“Sorry?”

“Listen,” she cleared her throat and folded her hands together. “Years ago, when you were ten months old I got custody of you. Why that happened, I don't have a full answer of you, I only know that you were in danger and your family put you in the protection program. You had to come stay with me here and they made sure that whatever the danger was wouldn't trace you. Now, it's 100% that the danger is gone and you are going home.”

I blinked. And then again and then I just shook my head.

“Is this some joke?”

“Eva—

“No, I mean it,” I say, the frustration obvious in my voice. I was a step away from yelling. “I get exchanged like some object around countries and when they deem appropriate, I can just go back? Did you even bother to ask me? Am I not a person who can choose?”

“I wouldn't mind you staying here, you know that,” she said gently. “But they're not going to allow it. You're few weeks away from turning fourteen, a minor and they can choose as they wish.”

“Great so because I am underage I have no choice in my own life and I just have to agree to whatever people decide to do in my life?” I exclaimed.

“Listen to me,” she said firmly. “You will go pack your suitcase and leave. If you find it there way too horrible and bad, you ask to come back and keep in touch with them. But please give them a chance.”

“I ain't giving a chance,” I mumbled, getting up. “No one gave me a chance so why should I?”

“Eva, please,” she sounded exhausted. “Go pack your things. Your mother and brother will be here soon.”

I narrowed my eyes, “Sorry?”

“They'll be here soon—

“Brother?!”

“You were targeted because you were the youngest,” she said. “You have siblings who are most likely excited to meet you.”

“How many? 2,3?”

My aunt rubbed her hand over her face and sighed, “Seven. Oldest is 28, youngest is 21. Five brothers, two sisters.”

“I am not even gonna comment on it,” I mumbled, getting up and heading to my room. I slammed the door and collapsed against the wall. “Seven kids and surprisingly, they only had to give up one.”

I stayed against the wall for some time, thinking of what was going to happen. At first I tried to be in denial, they'd never come and it was all some bad dream I'd wake up from soon. When it all became very real it turned to anger, anger because they leave me and then they have the audacity to come back like nothing happened? Then horrible sadness appeared, sadness because I had to start a new life and because I didn't know if the experiences that were coming were going to be good or not.

Twenty minutes passed and I stayed against the wall before my aunt's voice called out and reminded me to get ready because they'd arrive soon. Holding back a groan, I got up and dragged my suitcase out of the closet and opened it, wondering what I was supposed to put in.

My clothes fit in a suitcase along with the basic necessities. Everything else was books, school necessities and a few decorations that were put in a duffle bag. I left them in my corner of my room and laid on my bed, one last time. I sighed and turned to face the window and watch the land and the bright sun. Sad I wasn't going to watch those beautiful sunsets again.

Aunt may not have given emotional comfort but I wasn't looking for more. I just knew that it was going to be worse there.

I heard noise coming from the road and the sound of a car parking in front of the house. Getting up, I hid behind the curtain and spied a little to see. I was left in shock.

That car looked expensive as fuck. It was probably more worth it than the whole house I was currently in.

The backdoors opened and a red-headed woman, hair exactly matching mine, and a brown haired man got out of the car. The woman was wearing a black leather jacket and her hair was half tied while the man has sunglasses over his eyes and an expensive jacket on. I wanted to yell.

I was supposed to go with them? They looked like they were going to sell me to the mafia.

Knocks echoed through the front door and not even a minute later voices filled the house. I stayed still, not even trying to move and then my aunt's voice, calling for me and having to go downstairs...

“Eva!”

Fucking damn it.