How Can I Tell You - Chapter I

CHAPTER XVIIII

Chapter XVIIII

Daniel slumps by his car's window when he steps out of it the moment he arrives at Han River.

Daniel looks around and watches as the sky turns into blue signaling that the sun will rise few hours from now. Daniel gazes at the river and notices that Han River is still as quiet as ever, so peaceful. If only it can reflect how he feels right now, there would have been angry waves, Daniel wonders.

He was just here few days ago, in fact a lot lately. Han River has been his costant 'companion' these past few days. And tonight, the beautiful sorroundings of Han River seem to be worthless and useless. Han River used to help him think, used to calm him down, but not today.

Daniel is such a sight this early morning, with his thick scarf still wrapped around his neck, He  obviously looks miserable and at loss to comprehend what has just happened. No matter what he does to wipe his face, but the tears keep on falling.

He just gave up the most important person in his life right now. Hyesun was his life, and the way he feels right now, Daniel does not know if the day will come he will get over her. The pain is unbearable. There is no doubt that he is broken, and beyond repair.

Daniel doesn't want to think what just happened a while ago, what he just did, because he doesn't want to regret it, but the more he ignores it, the more it's excruciating. He just spoke to Hyesun's ex boyfriend and gave Hyesun up. Or maybe he's no longer an ex now. Now that he has given them his damn blessing to start again!

Have they spoken already? What is she thinking now? Are they together already at this hour? Will she still talk to me? And if she does, What do I say to her?

There is no doubt that he misses her already, badly. Will it be like this everyday? Longing for Hyesun, now that she's gone? Can he bear to see them together? Are they going to go public this time? Daniel feels like his head is about to explode any minute now. He thought he did the right thing, let go of her, because he can't make her happy. And Hyesun's happiness is all that matters to him. He is a man of principles, he keeps his promises. But why is it he feels hell right now? Why does it feels so wrong?

Daniel continues to sob when he noticed a car approaching so fast in his direction.

Hyesun gets out of the car and banged the door angrily.

'Hyesun!..what are you doing here?!...how....'

But Hyesun did not answer him right away. For the first time, there is anger in her face. Daniel can't bear to look at her. Hyesun is just staring at him, tears trickling down her face.

'H-Hyesun...'

'Minho called me' Hyesun finally speak. And just like how she looks right now, there is anger in her voice too.  She looks exhausted and sad too, but this will not soften him. If she feels any guilt, it will not last long.What I did is for her own good, for her happiness.

'Is it true Daniel? Is it true?!' Hyesun asks him.

'which is?...........w-why are you here?..you're not supposed to be here Hyesun..you shouldn't have come..the sky is...'

'IS IT TRUE? ANSWER ME! I WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU!' Hyesun suddenly shouts.

'Minho called me, he said.....h-he said you're giving up on me....did you really say that?' Hyesun says the last words in a sob, with her eyes closed.

'Are you really giving up on me Daniel?'

'IM TRYING TO GIVE YOU YOUR FREEDOM! CAN'T YOU SEE! IM LETTING YOU GO!' Daniel says as anger eats him too. Is Hyesun here to confirm it with him?!

'DID I ASK YOU TO DO THAT?! DID I ASK YOU TO DECIDE FOR ME?! DID I ASK FOR MY FREEDOM?!'

'BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T EVER DO THAT! And...I know that no matter what I do, I can never make you happy...'

'ALL-THIS-TIME......you think....that all these...that none of these are true?!....you think, I AM JUST PRETENDING WHEN I SAY YOU MAKE ME HAPPY?!

'I know you still cry for him Hyesun....I've seen it!....you think this is easy for me? you think I gave up on you because I do not love you that much?! YOU-ARE-MY-LIFE!...And nothing can change that!..butI just cant...I just cant bear to see you crying...'

'Min Ho will always be part of my life..he will always have a place in my heart...BUT DOESN'T MEAN I LOVE YOU LESS!....Because I DO...I really do.....I love you Daniel.....and I feel so hurt right now, that....that you think of me that way.....I think, I'd rather want you to be selfish and fight for me....but giving me up?!.....Min Ho and I lasted for years because I never gave up on him......isn't that how supposed to be?.....fight for the one you love?.....I just want someone who can do that for me too.....And when I finally gave up on him, I know that I would be hurting as hell, but I knew it was the right thing to do..because I was no longer the same.......are you giving up on me because of the same reason?'

'Hyesun, you know it's not like that! Don't you ever think that way!'

'I always thought of you...as someone who can never hurt me...who will never EVER hurt me....but you just did....you just did!' Hyesun quickly run to her car and drives off.

'Hyesun! Hyesun!' Daniel shouts at Hyesun, and run after her.

'Im sorry...Im sorry!....please!'

But Hyesun is completely out of his sight. Daniel sinks to his knees and sobs when he realized what he just did.

--------------------------------------