When porcelain is rebuilt

The beginning

I lay in my bed, tapping my toes to  the beat of happy pills

I'm just staring up at my ceiling, that we had painted as constellations. 
I take my time naming each star before hoping up and going to see my boyfriendS.
We agreed to have a poly a few years ago. Four times the love. It couldnt hurt.

I go down to see Blue, Cross, and not to be that person but my favourite, Dream.
I go and sit in his lap. Dreams, that is. 

"how is everyone?" I ask

I just get fine or okay. Something is wrong. They're not reciprocating.

"what's wrong??" I demand

"Nightmare is looking for you" Blue says, without hesitation
Cross glares at him. "what's??"
"dont tell him!"

"I'm not a child" I roll my eyes "I can handle this"

"you cannot handle things like this yet." Dream said, picking me up

Stars, they just treat me like a child all the time. It makes me so angry. The kidnapping happened almost two years ago. It's time to get over it

"I'm done. I'm over it" I tell them

"exactly what a victum says" Cross says, placing a strawberry in Blues mouth.

"No. I'm done" I yell and get down, storming out. This happens alot. I may be the most toxic person in this relationship. It makes me worried they'll leave me.

And I wont have dream anymore. I'll be unsafe and ugly without him.

I look down to my slightly pink hands then away. I have to remember looks do not define a person. I'm already a monster. I'm still loved. They didnt turn me into anything.

I go back into my room where the song has changed. It's now build a bitch. Ironic to my situation. 

Im glad they didnt sculpt me like clay. That would have been worse. They could have done it if they wanted anyway  

My head shakes hard to get these intrusive thoughts out of my head.

"Ink, come downstairs please" Dream says, holding the blaster slat at the bottom of the stairs.

Oh no. Here it comes.

I tread down the stairs and go to Dream

"Sit" he points to the chair in the middle of the room. I sigh and take it.

Dream starts of course
"Ink, I feel ignored and unimportant when you leave the room while we try to reassure you because it shows that you don't care about what we say-"

"but I do care! it's hard to listen to!" I plead my case.

"Ink just be quiet and listen" Blue says

This is gonna take forever.

timeskip

I go out and lay in the snow. After a verbal chewing out, I love to lay in the snow. At least he didnt punish me.

I roll over and face the snowflakes. They fall into my eye sockets and nose canal, making me sneeze.

"cute" Dream would say if he wasn't cleaning his anger out in the house.

I curl up into the snow, having it crunch up between my body.

I begin to fall asleep in the snow. Just as I loose my head, someone picks me up. The warm glow of them let's me know I'm safe and fine.