"Paubaya" || Jihan ||

The one your hugging but his the one your thinking of

When did the truth started to hurt?

I thought that the truth will set you free...

But why do I still feel like being locked up?

Was the truth suppose to set us free?

Or was is it just to wake us up from this dream and see what reality looks like.

Reality that I can't accept....

Was the love I was giving you not enough for you to leave me?

Did you even love me?

I just don't get it how some people can just easily throw away the people that they don't need.

We aren't trash. We're humans...

Humans that once cared and loved those people but this is what we got in exchange?

Was telling the truth that hard to do?

Was it so hard to love a person like me?

Did I give you too much pressure?

Can you tell me where I can find the answers that I need?

Because every each day...

This questions that are running into my head...

Is slowly killing me from the inside.

I'm slowly dying from the inside because of this questions.

What will happen when I suddenly felt numb and couldn't feel anything?

Will I still remember that I used to love you?

Was my warmth not enough to make you feel safe?

Is that why you always think of him whenever we're together?

Because you feel more safe in his arms than mine?

Is that it...?

"Hyung...Stop it. There's nothing that we can do now. They're happy with each other now. Please stop asking this kind of questions..." Chan said while crying beside me with full of sympathy in his eyes.

"Is it bad for me to ask? It's just that...I just hoped that he would've explained to me before leaving. Like how your ex explained and talked to you before leaving you." 

"You know what? I kind of regretted letting him explain in the first place...

Because it will leave you so heartbroken that you might just wanna kill yourself from hearing his words. I deeply regretted that day y'know." 

"What did he say?" 

"The most hurtful words that completely broke my heart into pieces. The same words my parents told me before kicking me out of their house."

"And those are?" 

"'A mistake' 'Unwanted' and most of all...'Never loved' "

"Oh...I'm sorry"

"You don't have to be sorry hyung. Because I think that they're right...I was never loved...not even once" 

"But I love you....Your like a little brother to me now"

"Thank you hyung....that really means so much to me"

We hugged each other but Chan broke it and smiled at me before he spoke again

"Hyung, Let's go away" 

"Go away? What do you mean?" 

"I mean that we should leave Korea. If we stay here we will just get reminded of how heartbroken we are because of our exes. One thing is for sure, we didn't deserve them, that's why we're no longer with them" 

His right....

We no longer belong here...

We didn't deserve this pain...

So why stay in a country where I'll just get reminded of  how he left me?

I think it's time for a change...

The time to change myself

The time to change my mistakes

To change my future...

by being independent...

by being myself...

by being whoever I want...

And to forget...