depths of despair

chapter four

makeup and make out ( /hj )

tw: references to past abuse and manipulation

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they sat on the couch. karl on the left, feet underneath him, tucked into the corner, a blanket pulled up past his nose. sapnap on the right, leaning forward, chin in his hands. and quackity, in the middle, separating the pair, resisting the urge to rock back and forth as they stared at him expectantly.

"so.." quackity trailed off, not knowing exactly what they wanted from hom right now. the fire crackled, and he stared in the fireplace, light illuminating his tense frame.

karl coughed, and quackity swore he could feel the anxious awkwardness settling over them like a cold flurry of snow. it was terrible.

"i'm sorry." was what he said now, biting his lip, and turning his head to look each of his fiancées in the eye. "i'm sorry for everything. i'm sorry lashing out at you both when i know you were trying to help. i'm sorry for saying all those terrible things to you guys. karl, i'm so sorry for everything i said. i didn't mean it, i swear. i know you'd never cheat, or do anything to hurt me. you're an angel, and you could never do anything so terrible."

quackity forced himself to look up at the ceiling, to prevent tears from spilling as he apologised. because that would be manipulative, because schlatt didn't like it when he cried, because he didn't deserve to cry, because crying would only make karl and sapnap sadder.

"it's okay." sapnap said it first, and out of the corner of his eye, Q could see karl nodding. "we forgive you, quackity."

"can i hug you?" karl asked, and that was all it took for the tears to finally slip out. to have someone care enough to ask, to have his boundaries respected, to have someone worry about him, it was too much. "yes, yes you can." he answered with a watery smile.

warm arms wrapped around his middle, and quackity felt the weight of karl's chin resting on his shoulder. a soft kiss was pressed to his cheek, "i love you baby." quackity could feel himself softening, melting into his fiancée's touch. it felt so good to be loved, especially when mere hours ago, he'd thought it was all over. a warmer presence pressed into quackity's other side, and he felt himself leaning into sapnap, resting his head on the man's chest. large, but gentle, hands massaged his scalp, and quackity let out a sigh, unable to stop his tired eyes from drifting shut.

"so...i think it's time to talk about what's going on now, Q."

"okay." he didn't protest. quackity wasn't entirely sure if he was ready to share, but the truth had to come out at some point, and he was choosing to do it in his own terms.

"last night was bad. worse than usual. and i didn't want to talk about it. when i woke up this morning, i felt so stupid, so cowardly, for ever being scared of some ridiculous nightmare. i hate that he still gets to me. he's dead. the motherfucker is dead. yet...every night, i wake up in a cold sweat because i saw him in my dreams again. how weak do i have to be for him to scare me from the grave?"

he heard karl inhale sharply, and knowing he was about to say something, quackity plowed on. he didn't want to be interrupted. he didn't think he'd be able to continue if he was.

"and then we went to see tubbo. tubbo. my son. he was my son. and he got married, and i haven't seen him in months, and, and, and i find out he's married and he didn't invite me to the wedding, he didn't even tell me, i didn't even know he was talking with ranboo. my own son, he, he never contacted me. i lost him. i made a promise to take care of him, and i couldn't protect him from his father, i couldn't protect him from this world, i couldn't protect him from anything, so he went and he found-" quackity began to hiccup, the tears pouring freely now, "he found someone else to protect him. i wasn't invited to the wedding."

sapnap wrapped his arms right around Q now, abandoning his massaging, and pressed his lips to the winged's forehead. karl intertwined his painted hands with quackity's. they both stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the comfort of the silence they shared. it was enough for Q, to know that they were here to hold him.

"jesus, quackity, if i had known...i never would have asked you to come along. i'm so sorry, baby." karl was so apologetic, it broke his heart. "no, it's okay. i needed-i needed to see him. i missed him. it's good to know that he's at least alive."

sapnap was quiet. it was easy to forget quackity's past, easier to pretend it never happened. they, he and karl, always tried to be conscious of quackity's boundaries, tried not to make sudden movements around him, never raised their voices, but they often overlooked the things they said. they never even bothered to consider quackity and tubbo's relationship, and seeing him might've affected Q.

"i'm sorry." he murmured, lips still pressed to quackity's forehead.

"no, no, no. you guys did nothing wrong. you both take such good care of me. there's nothing to apologise for. you didn't know."

"i love you." karl whispered.

"i love you too."

"i love you both."

with that, quackity sat up, pushing sapnap off of him, before grabbing sapnap's arm, and wrapping it around him. quackity then wrapped a wing around karl, bringing the tall boy closer to him, still holding his hand.

"thank you. thank you for being here for me."

"of course, what are fiancées for?" sapnap's face split into a grin, though his eyes seemed suspiciously red and puffy. as opposed to karl, who hadn't even bothered to hide his tears as he shed them.

"no, but for real, quackity, we love you. next time you have a bad day, just let us know, okay? you don't have to do this alone."

that is the end!!! three more chapters than i had planned on writing, but it was fun. constructive criticism and critique is welcome, comments are super appreciated! have a good day! thank you for the support!