This Is All My Fault

02: A Sea Of Emotions ✓

Y O U R   P O V

The beach.
One of the most beautiful places on earth.
You're free. You can forget everything for a moment. The soft water that touches your skin. The cold breeze blowing down your cheeks. The sound of the waves. The grainy sand you feel under your bare feet. It's everything you dreamed of.
My favorite place.

I want me to be there now.

But I'm not there. I'm in a 'conversation' with an old lady who tells me what I'm going to do in the coming days. So, no beach for the next week. Just because I'm the daughter of the President of the United States. Right now, I really don't give a shit about everything. I don't want to cut ribbons. I don't want to shake hands. I don't want to be overrun by paparazzi. I don't want everyone to have a different opinion. I just want to live. And enjoy the things I like.

"Y/n!" I look up startled. "Do I have your attention?" said the old lady. She really needs to do something about her dress style. She puts her glasses half on her nose and looks over them directly into my eyes.

"Yeah. Monday, meeting in LA and opening some buildings. Tuesday, flying back to NYC to put a scribble on a piece of paper. Then doing another interview. Home at the end of the afternoon. Done." I say irritated. I return my eyes to my sketchbook. I'm sitting on the bed with a pencil in my hand. Mary looks at her schedule, or my schedule. She is half slumped as if she's missing a hip.

"Oh, forgot. Tuesday when you are back here in Washington DC. You need to meet your new Secret Services security guard around 7 PM." She said when she writes it down in the schedule with a pen.

"Is this really necessary?" I said when I look at her again. "I really don't need a bodyguard."

"it's not a bodyguard." She with a sigh.

"He protects me. He goes everywhere with me. Wherever I go or stand, he is always next to me. What else should I call it? And I really don't like a 50-year-old man who just does his job because I look apparently 'okay.'"

"That was 5 years ago."

"Yes that was 5 years ago and the more often I said it, you guys didn't believe me!" I said irritated again. "Now tell the real reason..."

"Well. The president wants you after the accident-"

"Don't bring that up!" I said urgently. I'm a bit shocked at how that comes out of my mouth. I put my pencil down on my bed and have to catch up.

I've had rough months. And now they expect me to just go back to my normal life. I'm sorry, but I don't need that. It makes me crazy. Everyone has their own opinion. The hustle and bustle has gotten bigger and bigger. I am looked upon as a victim. I've had thousands of interviews and every time I have to tell it again. Over and over again. I put my head in my hands and run my hands through my hair. I sigh. It's been 3 months.

3 months ago I lost my mother.

"I- I'm sorry, I shouldn't say it like that." I apologize to her. She nods and takes her eyes back on the schedule. "When will I see JJ (Jay-Jay) again?" I asked carefully.

"Your brother? Let's take a look. Uhm.... He'll be here on Tuesday, but then you'll be in NYC, so." She scans the paper she is holding with her eyes through her small pair of glasses. How can she see through that, I always wonder. "That will be Wednesday evening or the end of the afternoon." she comforted.

"Okay and my dad?" I asked.

"Mr. President is coming back from a business trip tomorrow and will be working here all week." She explained.

I nod and pick up my pencil and start sketching again. It's going to be a wave of the sea that I want so badly to go to.

"Thank you." I forget to say. Actually rude of me. After I told her that she turned and walked to the door and closed it behind her. With a sigh I fall backwards on my bed. I look at the ceiling. It has some graceful shapes. Rather beautiful. I stay like that for a while.

The next Monday I'm flying in a private plane to LA for a meeting. The people were nice and I liked it. But deep down I was broken. Just smile all day and you'll be fine, Mary said. She really doesn't understand what I'm going through.
Lisa, the boss of the Secret Serves, is super nice to me. She's there when I need to fly from cities to cities. She herself also lost her mother around her 20th birthday. She feels how I feel.