Black Hole

"I Danced Myself Right Out the Womb..."

Early May, 1977

It was going to happen in the summer. He knew it. He felt it in his bones each time his cousin or one of the Knott boys met his eyes in the corridor. He would be sixteen soon, old enough for the privilege. Old enough to carry the burden.

He breathed out a shaky breath and pulled out the small mirror from his bedside drawer.

"LJ," he whispered to it, "Are you there, LJ?" The view he got of the inside of his sister's drawer didn't move to indicate that she had heard. "LJ," He beckoned once more, a bit louder. No face popped up. She wasn't there.

He sighed and felt tears gathering in his dark eyes as he put the mirror back into his drawer. He had heard, obviously, of the Gryffindor's win against Hufflepuff, and, because of his sister's annoying adoration for a handful of Gryffindor boys, he assumed she was in their common room celebrating the win with her friends.

And, don't get him wrong, he was glad his sister had such good friends, even if they were in his rival house and annoyed the absolute shit out of him. And he wasn't jealous that Lyra-Jade had been spending more and more time with their older brother recently. Because, really, he only ever really saw her smile when she was with them these days. There were times, way back when, when it was so easy for him to make his sister smile a real, genuine Lyra-Jade Black grin. There were days when he could just meet her gaze and cross his eyes and stick out his tongue or poke her stomach to make her laugh.

And, Merlin, this predicament he had been coerced into was definitely not going to make her laugh. It was going to make her hate him. It was already making him hate himself, and his arm hadn't even been marked yet.

"You're our last chance, Regulus," his father had told him on boxing day, "You're going to make us so proud, son, I know it." And he had squeezed his son's shoulder and had told him the plan, and that night a teary-eyed Regulus found himself, by habit, making his way to his sisters room during the night, only to be reminded by her empty bed that she was gone, and that she wasn't coming back, that he had let their parents hurt her, and that he was completely alone in that house. Besides Kreacher, of course.

He groaned and buried himself, still fully clothed in his school uniform, under his satin green duvet. He let his tears fall as he clung to the blanket. His eyes soon drooped closed.

He didn't know how much time had passed when he woke up, but there was no more light coming in from the window. What had woken him has a light tap on his shoulder.

"Reg," Ezra whispered, using his wand to light the lamp on Regulus' bedside table, "Are you alright? You weren't at dinner. Did something happen?"

Regulus wiped at his eyes and sat up. He looked at the concerned boy sitting before him, who looked so young and so lovely with his big brown eyes and soft expression. He took one of Ezra's hands and brought it to his cheek.

"Reg, Henry was just about to come up." The other boy whispered, but still formed his hand around Regulus' cheek and brought his other to his neck. "We cant-"

"Please," Regulus breathed. "I'm scared. I need you." He pulled Ezra further into his bed and wrapped his arms around his slim waste. "I'm so scared, Ez."

Ezra shuddered and placed his chin on the top of Regulus' head. He brought his hand up and started brushing his fingers through the boy's raven curls. "I know, love. I am too. But it's going to be okay, right? Because we're going to be with each other all Summer. We'll have each other, so we'll be okay, yeah?"

Regulus moved to place his head in the crook of Ezra's neck. He placed a soft kiss onto his soft dark skin and Ezra tightened his arms around him. "Yeah. We'll have each other."

***

Early June, 1977

"You'll be okay, r-r-right? You'll h-have Ezra there all Summer, right?"

"Yeah. LJ, I need to-"

"I mean, unless you changed your mind and want to come with me t-t-tomorrow? It would be great, baby boy, we could be together all summer long at the Potters: you, me, and Siri. The three of us together like it should be. I'll be of age as of next week, I could pr-pr-protect you."

"I know that would be ideal, LJ, but-"

"I know. I k-know that you believe that you "have" to stay. But that's just sh-sh-shit, Reg. Sirius escaped, I escaped, you can too."

"I can't."

"But why? I still don't understand! I know you, and I know you could care less about the money. Is it M-Mother? Kreacher? Father? Do you really, truly care about them? Why don't you wuh-wuh-want to be with me? Why don't you want to be s-safe?"

"LJ, they see me differently than they ever saw you two, you know this. And, yes, they were angry when you and Sirius left, but they wouldn't just get angry if I left. They would come after me. They all would. They would come after all of us. They would find away to blame you two, and they would hurt you."

"B-But-"

"And I couldn't leave Ez, LJ. I...I can't leave him."

She looked down at her hands with a frown, her eyes wet. They sat side by side in a secluded corner of the Slytherin common room late in the night. She was in a long white nightgown and he was in green and silver pajamas.

It was silent.

Then, "You love him, don't you?"

His heart stopped. "Er, who?"

"Ezra."

His face flushed. "What? I mean, he's my...my best mate, yeah-"

"No. I mean you love Ez like I love Remus."

"You love Remus?"

She flushed, too. "Yes. Like you love Ezra."

And then he began to cry. "I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't mean to. I know it's wrong." And she held him and stroked his curly dark locks and rocked him back and forth.

"There is nothing wrong about loving someone, baby boy. There is absolutely nothing fucking wrong with it. You love him, and I know he loves you, and you both would do anything for each other, and that's beautiful, Reg. It's beautiful."

***

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."