She

I hope, this finds you

I've been walking around for a while now, my legs have started to ache. My soles hurt. I can feel my feet blister, though barely. It's been a day, just yesterday I met that drunk man who tried to kiss me. I figured he didn't know love because, he was a good man. Tried to keep me safe, paid the driver to send me back home. Safely. But I hadn't met love yet, so I wasn't going back to hell. I had literally reborn like a phoenix, gulped by the flames and opened my eyes for the first time, again. I had touched God, he was with me at all times. Why you'd ask me? I am not sure how to answer that myself, but I just felt like I knew, I saw it all within those few days, living on the streets. Not having a place to sleep but being so bold and confident, happy and satisfied that I was closer to love and to freedom. He was with me, because he kept me safe. As the days passed, I grew weaker and weaker, and the walking got harder and harder but I knew love was taking me somewhere. For I saw the eternal design. I knew that nobody knows life like I knew it, I saw the signs, everything mirrored. The same playing cards, the same same posters in different parts of the city. It was so impossible, I was in shock. The same sequence of people, the same parks. Everything was the same. I felt like I wasn't moving at all, but I indeed was. My feet were a witness, they had started to water and blister even more. Every step was painful but I couldn't stop. I had nowhere to sleep, I tried to find a place to sleep but in vain. Who knew people were this cruel? It was a three day trip but felt like forever, and I spent my second night on some strangers rooftop. Waking up early and walking out because I had promised I'd leave. Hungry now, for love and food both. I swear I was using all my might to get moving on this *Agneepariksha* or *fire walk* by the second day I swear it wasn't me who was moving, I swear swear swear, it was my body carrying me forward, and not the other way around. I was unconscious. My eyes closed. Feet blurting out mucus like anything.

I approached my last day, not that I knew of at that time. I was ravenous and pained. Pained to a point of bliss, because I was passionate and dedicated.

The day went by, it was scorching. I had lost myself by the time it was the third night, I hadn't found love yet, but I now, was in too much pain to do anything but focus on the pain. Pain pain pain, great thing I enjoyed it, or at least told myself I did. When the hour struck twelve, I had missed the last metro and I was stuck in the darkness, pained. Looking for a place to sleep, I look out and about. Watered my own garden always, knew how I could deal with pain. Was escorted to the nearest hospital and I finally sat down, in so much pain, but I didn't cry. Because I was searching for myself, I thought I was searching for love but I think I was searching for myself. It was necessary, to break with pain to be reborn

Again.

Well what and how can I tell you about that night, I don't know where to start, I don't really want to invest in this negativity anymore, just glad I had love within my soul and Gods hand on my head. I was offered food, that I took a few bites of, and refused. Even when I was so hungry. This certain pasty faced, man in his forties approached and provided me, well it was a mistake but it couldn't be dodged no matter what. I was too hungry.

It turns out he had drugged me and the medicine took time to kick in, during which we chatted and he made my feet taken care of. That was a blessing right there. Then he introduced me to two of his friends and I was taken care of this Muslim lady and her teenage son because had I not earlier realised, but I now did. That very very much, I was in danger.

The lady was quite shocked to see me talk to that dirty old man, who definitely had bad intentions towards me, it was clear but not to me, not initially.

She gave me a mat to sleep on, because the medicine had finally kicked in, and I fell unconscious. It was crowded and a dirty room but I was safe.

And he was my first love you know? Her son I mean. He was a very good looking boy actually. I didn't love him romantically but I just loved him you know? Just made my heart swell up in relief, why you might ask?

Firstly he wasn't much younger than me, just a gap of one or two years. But that's not it. I saw fire in his eyes,it brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know this feeling, true love, protection. Safety, with him I felt safe. He and his mother, who I never got to meet again, they saved my life. I hope this reaches you, I hope that you recognise me, I hope that you understand how precious you are and how grateful I am to have seen your eyes. Your soul, quivering to keep me safe. Thank you, and I pray to God that this reaches you. I love you.