Shameful Hearts (BOOK 2)

Graduation Day

You know when you're just tired of all the shit life has to offer, so you decide to do something completely out of the ordinary because you just don't give a fuck about the consequences?

Yeah, well those were my parents when they had me. I'm not saying that I was a mistake for them but I'm not saying it doesn't feel that way either. You would think that even with the good grades I have, now that I've redeemed myself, they would be proud of me and acknowledge my existence.

But no.

They've been shutting me out for as long as I can remember.

"So. How've you been?" My therapist asked, sipping on her morning coffee.

"Shit," I said, staring at her unbothered. It was 10 a.m. Way too early for this shit.

She chuckled, setting her cup on the wooden table, "What's so shitty about it?" I flipped my hair back and sighed. The more I had to waste my breath to hear some cliché response, made me sick to my stomach.

"Everything. Chris is still a pain in my ass, I'm still having nightmares, and I just broke up with my boyfriend."

"Okay. Seems like we have a lot to unpack here."

"Like, I know that I'm a terrible person. But that's only because people act the same way towards me. I wasn't always this bitchy. I've done nice things for people. But I still get shit for it."

"So, why do you assume the universe hates you?"

"Cause it's racist? I don't fucking know. I got suspended from my old school because apparently me having sex with my gym teacher was a one way streak, and expelled because I held drugs in my locker for my crazy ex."

"You held drugs for Chris?"

"I didn't want him to get caught. Someone couldn't keep their big ass mouth shut about him selling weed in school. So, the principal called the cops and they raided the shit out of our lockers."

"So, what exactly drove you to cover for him?"

"I don't know. He's done a lot of shit for me in the past and I wanted to return the favor. He was so adamant about getting his dad out of prison, so I tried to do everything I could to distract him. Or at least show him that he had someone."

"It seems like Chris has a toll on you. I mean, he should, right? You two have more history than Adam and Jacob, correct?" She grabbed her pen and notebook, crossing one leg over the other.

"Yeah, so? He's my ex." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Was there any closure in your relationship with Chris to help you move forward?"

I scoffed, "I don't need closure."

"You know, sometimes, it helps. And neither of you may like it, but I promise you that it's a huge relief. You may not have anything more to say to him, but he obviously still does. Your nightmares have a pattern of him wanting to talk to you or get you away from any public surrounding. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I think I'll be fine."

"And that's alright."

"Don't, don't do that. You sound like my parents. Chris is the worst. You think you know a guy until he does something bat-shit crazy. God, I can't believe I actually went out with him. I only did it cause I thought it would distract him from getting his dad out of prison, but... somehow it turned out to be more than that."

"And why is that?"

"Cause he cared. And he listened. When no one else would. And that's all I needed."