Shameful Hearts (BOOK 2)

If You Like Her, Let Her Finish

Jacob and Chester met during their first week at Stanford. And because of how things went down last year, Jacob was cautious about Chester's intentions. He didn't want to see me get hurt again nor affiliate himself with people who looked like a potential serial killer.

I knew his reasoning was coming from a good place, but Chester was nothing like Dylan. They were actually the complete opposite. And maybe that's what made Jacob so skeptical about him. Chester was smart, kind, and funny. Basically a replica of what Jacob is but better. I was all for Chester being Jacob's new best friend and all, but for some reason, I felt like there was some kind of motive behind it.

Normally, after a petty fight, Jacob and I would have make-up sex. But after what I did with Chris, it didn't feel right. I didn't want to be that girl anymore, but I couldn't help myself in the heat of the moment. It wasn't like I meant to spite Jacob. Chris and I had unresolved issues. Not that it was an excuse. We were never ones to communicate but to act. Chris's love language was physical touch and I always abided by that. It was hard not to.

I walked up to Jacob's cabin and entered. There he and Chester were packing their things to go scavenger hunting. Normally, Adam wouldn't approve of such a thing, but oddly, he's been really forgiving and accepting this year.

I walked into the cabin and he turned to me with a smile. "Hey."

"Hey," I replied as I walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Just packing the essentials for the scavenger hunt." He paused and looked at me curiously. "You okay? You seem off."

I shook my head and gave him a reassuring smile, "No. I just thought we were all going Jetskiing today. I mean that's what this whole trip was about."

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. "Yeah, I know. But we can still go if you want to." I sighed and rested my head on his chest. It felt good to be close to him. We had been through so much this year and it was nice just to relax with him for a little while.

"No, I'm fine. Go. Have fun." I gently pushed him away and he smiled. I wanted to spend time with him today. Couldn't he figure that out?

He zipped his backpack and swung it over his shoulder before giving me a peck on the cheek. I didn't give him a reaction cause I knew it would start something I wasn't in the mood for. But as soon as he was out the door, I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"You know you could've just told him you wanted to spend some alone time with him. I mean, I've only known him for a couple of months but it's an obvious tell that he's not so familiar with the ladies." Chester chuckled, swinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"He hates me, doesn't he?"

"No. He's just the type to be told things explicitly." He shrugged.

"Oh, my god. I think I love him more than he does."

"That's impossible when it clearly shows that he doesn't even know what love is. You're his first girlfriend. You need to show that to him. Something other than sex."

"Like what?"

"Well, you could try talking to him about it."

"And how the fuck will that work?"

"That's for you to figure out." I rolled my eyes and shoved past him, not wanting to hear another word about it. I was so frustrated with him and over this shit. I wasn't going to be some fucking intimacy guide in our relationship. If Jacob really wasn't over the whole Chris thing, he would say something about it, right? Cause I know I would.

I stepped out of their cabin and took a stroll on the beach. The sun shined bright and the sky was a beautiful pale blue. The waves were crashing against the shore, filling my ears with their sound. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. It felt so good to just be here, alone, and free from everything.

Suddenly, I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and saw Alyssa walking towards me. Of course. Who else would ruin this moment? I wasn't in the mood to talk to her. Nor about what happened between us last night. But I knew I couldn't stay mad at her.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Do I look okay?" I said with attitude.

She shook her head, "Is it about us or you and Jacob?"

I sighed heavily and shrugged, "Half and half, I guess."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Don't you got other n*ggas to cheat on your boyfriend with?"

She chuckled and put her arm around my shoulder, "I think that can wait." A smile couldn't help but form at the corner of my mouth. 

We walked in silence for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet. Finally, she spoke up. "So what's going on with you and Chris? You two good? I would hope so after you two fucked."

"I don't know. We talked things over and apologized. He looks pretty happy with Frankie now. They're fucking moving in together. And he looks sober. But how can my dumbass trust him again?" I said with a shrug. "Jacob thinks I still have feelings for him."

"Well, do you? And be honest with me, mi hija."

"I mean, of course, I do. He was my first boyfriend. If he didn't turn into a fucking junkie, I'd still be dating the prick." I said before taking a deep breath of the salty air. It was so refreshing after being cooped up in that cabin all day. "But Jacob's the guy I've always wanted. You know? Not psychos or cheaters." I continued as we reached the edge of the shore.

"So... do you think Jacob's the one for you?" She asked, her voice full of hope.

I shrugged again, "I don't know. I want him to be. But he doesn't exactly show it either." I rolled my eyes.

"Then make him show it. Bitch, the guy has been insecure since freshman year. Help him get out of his comfort zone. If you do that, he may open up more. Cause let's be real. He's still afraid to say anything that might offend you. You're his girlfriend now. Not a bully."

She was right. And this was more of a shock to me than it was to her. But how the fuck was I supposed to get Jacob out of his comfort zone? I thought he already was by the time we started dating.