Doki Doki Despair Club

Act I, Day I

"Heeeeeyyyy!!!!"

I see an annoying girl running towards me from the distance, waving her arms in the air without a care in the world, like she doesn't realize the amount of attention she's drawing to herself right now. That girl is Oma Kokichi, my neighbor and childhood friend. I can't remember how I ever came to befriend someone as eccentric as her, but I guess it all worked out only because of how long we've known each other. We used to walk to school together everyday, just like this, but after we both started attending Hope's Peak Academy (myself as the Ultimate Detective and her as the Ultimate Supreme Leader), she started to oversleep more often, and I eventually got the hint to do my own thing instead of waiting up. I guess that's what attendance not being mandatory does to you, thanks Kizakura. Seeing her chase after me even though we haven't talked for who knows how long, I feel almost inclined to run off because of how awkward the entire situation might be. But, eventually I decide to stop and let her catch up to me.

"Haaaahhhh....haaaahhhh... whoops, I guess I overslept again! Nishishi, but I finally got you Saihara-chan, looks like my superabilities as the Ultimate Supreme Leader never fail me!"

I deadpan. "That's only because I bothered to stop and wait for you this time. You'd agree that a hot pursuit isn't so hot if the target just lets himself get caught, right?"

"Eeehhhhh??? Was my beloved detective seriously considering ignoring me? His one true soulmate? Waaahhhhhh!!! You're so mean!" Oma-san cries as she bursts into what's obviously exaggerated crocodile tears. It was so cartoonish that I had to stifle a laugh, and eventually I managed to respond.

"Sorry, Oma-san, but if people stare at you when you get like this, I just don't want them to get the wrong idea or anything. I mean, Amami-kun and Shirogane-san already have enough to say about us whenever they see me in the halls."

In the blink of an eye, she stops her tears and goes back to her excitable state. "Yeah, yeah. But hey, you did wait for me! You're such a sweetheart, I'd totally trust you not to decapitate me and desecrate my body while I sleep!" I cringed at the image while Oma-san's eyes sparkled. BestGore was banned a pretty long time ago but it still evokes a lot of trauma for me. That'll be the last time I look at disturbing shit to prepare myself before I take on a homicide case.

"Whatever you say, Oma." I sighed.
"Nishishi~~"

As we walk past the gates of Hope's Peak, Oma-san stops in her tracks and looks at me with that neutral expression of hers. For someone who can change emotions that quickly, seeing none on her face is kind of scary.

"By the way, Saihara-chan... have you decided to join any clubs yet? This is our last year here, and you'll always have that Ultimate Detective noggin' of yours, but we won't always be high school students, y'know? Might as well make the most of it now."

It still surprises me just how mature Oma-san can be at times, for someone who's devoted to a life of playing pranks and constantly teasing others.

"Ah, like I said before, I'm not interested in joining any clubs, I just don't really think that they're for me, Oma-san. But I haven't taken a look either."

"Huh? B-b-but you promised me you'd try something new this year! I know lying is my entire shtick, but I hate liars!" And cue the waterworks, in 3..2..yeah.

"S-sorry, I really don't remember making that promise!"

Her tears dried up immediately as she put her hands behind her head. "Yeah, that was a lie! But I really do want you to join a club this year, I can't go on thinking about the prospect of poor emo Saihara-chan forfeiting his talent to become a full-time NEET because he never gained any social skills! C'mon, please? You already do your detective thing on your own all day, everyday, and aside from that loser Momota-chan and me I don't think you ever really talked to anyone else!"