Doki Doki Despair Club

Act I, Days IV and V

It's already Sunday. I must've slept through all of Saturday to try and erase the memory of that anthropology test I bombed on Friday. The biggest mistake this year was taking an elective taught by another Ultimate, Shinguji-kun really didn't hold back at all when creating those questions. I still have no idea what the fuck a tulpa is and how it connects to familial love throughout history. And honestly, I don't want to remember now that it's over.

At least I was proactive enough to remember to pick up the eggs and flour on Friday before I clocked out, I just hope that Iruma-san isn't upset about me picking them up from the local Dollar Tree. I mean, eggs are eggs, and flour is flour, no matter what, right? Maybe Hanamura-kun and Ando-san would disagree with me on that, but I couldn't give less of a shit at this point. More importantly, I'm a little anxious but also really curious to see how Iruma-san might act when it's just the two of us. I've been texting her a bit since Friday, and she's really bubbly and generally less defensive over the phone, using a fuckton of cute kaomojis to express herself. So maybe she just feels like putting up a front around everyone else because she doesn't trust them enough yet?

Well, either that, or I'm getting toyed with again, even though I'm really hoping that isn't the case. I still get chills thinking about that short period of time that I dated Chabashira-san in my first year, only to walk in on her having a tongue fight with Tsumiki-san in the infirmary. To this day, I don't get how I'M the reason she now thinks all men are degenerates, shouldn't I have been the one to turn into an incel because of HER? 'oH, nO, shUiChI, iT's yOuR fAuLt fOr wALkInG iN oN hEr CheAtInG oN YoU'. Fuck off.

I spend a few minutes tidying up the kitchen and living room and spray some Air Freshener around to eliminate the smell of beer, and before I know it, Iruma-san texts me to let me know she's outside my house. I don't hesitate to open the door to let her in.

"Um, Iruma-san.."
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Hi?"

The last thing I expected to see someone like her in was a long blue coat and an orange dress that went up to her knees, it seemed weirdly...conservative?

"Uh, hey, Saihara, you don't need to make this so awkward, do ya? We're probably gonna be bakin' all day, so don't get all weird just because this is your first time seeing me outside of school."
"Y-yeah.."

"I'm coming in now, yeah?" I move aside to let her in.

"I see you brought a lot of ingredients, are we really gonna need quantities that great to bake our pies?" I ask.

"Well, it's always better to be safe than sorry, y'know? Did you buy the eggs and the flour though?" she replies.
"Yeah."

"Good to know you came prepared, Saihara!" Wow, no perverted remark or reminder that I need to do more to impress you? Who are you and what did you do with the real Iruma-san?

"Anyways, we should probably go into the kitchen now and start setting everything up."

"Uh, hey, Saihara, are ya really not gonna bother to help me out a little here? I thought guys were supposed to have a little bit of hospitality, and this sack is heavier than a guy's after a year of NoFap.."

Alright, she didn't completely disappear. "I thought the gorgeous girl genius didn't need any man's help to stand on her own?" I tease.

"Y-yeah, I m-might say that, but....Just feel the bag for yourself!" she says.

I take the bag from her to prove that it really isn't that heavy. I might be a guy, so me being stronger than her isn't really an accomplishment, but I still want to have a laugh at her expense for how much bragging she does. Before I can make my point, though, I almost drop it on my toes.