Doki Doki Despair Club

Act I, Day II

In the end, I decided to incinerate the cap anyway. Mainly just because Hagakure-kun telling me that not even someone like Yamada-kun would want to invest in my cap for whatever perverted anon doujinshi powers it held pissed me off so much, that it took everything in my being not to punch his face in, where the yakuza members he was evading failed to. I might not want it anymore, but that doesn't mean that you have the right to just treat it like garbage either, like you don't shop at the local Goodwill; only Momota-kun can pull off the two jackets thing, by the way.

At least I managed to burn most of my stress off after that little charade, I just hope they don't make too big a deal about me taking off my cap like I'm the protagonist of some stupid shonen manga who just developed plot armor. I walk into the clubroom.

"Hi again, Saihara-kun! Glad to see you didn't ditch us after the first day, ahaha.." I can't tell if Akamatsu-san is joking about that, but I make sure to reassure her anyway.

"Ah, don't worry, I haven't really done something of this sort before, but I try to keep promises I make."

"Yeah, but you look a lot more arrogant without the cap you had on yesterday, were you actually skipping your classes all this time too?" Aaanndddddd, there it is. Whatever, this is still better than looking like a Peeping Tom or a Joe.

"Thank you for following through on your word, Saihara-kun. I hope this doesn't become too overwhelming for you, as not just anyone can take the initiative to dive headfirst into literature after a lifetime of barely reading.." Tojo-san praises. I notice that she's just wearing a sundress with a spider etched onto it today, along with a glittery black headband.

"Can it, Tojo! He might not look like a momma's boy with a mommy complex anymore, but don't go easy on him. Oma told me this is your first year joining clubs... you know we're seniors, right? Nothing ya do here will really count on your resume anymore, so you better not be here just because you wanna fuck around with Oma, Staircases B and F are better for you if that's your kinda thing! At least that way you could cut to the chase!" Iruma-san, on the other hand, isn't the slightest bit impressed. I get it, I just joined, and nothing I've really done is impressive, but do I remind you of a deadbeat dad you used to have or something?

"B-but, if you really do wanna be a part of our club, you better take it seriously, because we're dedicated as FUCK to what we do!" Iruma-san finishes, slightly flustered.

"Iruma-san, you certainly talk a lot for someone who keeps a manga collection in that closet in the back.." Akamatsu-san retorts before I can, shooting Iruma-san a shit-eating grin.

"W-what the.. OI BAKAMATSU! Who gave you and your pathetic tits the right to criticize my manga, it is literature whether you wanna admit it or not!" Iruma-san huffs and sits down in her seat.

"No need to fear, Saihara-chan is here, and he won't be leaving anytime soon, isn't he such a dear?~~" Oma-san reassures the other three, and...

...Was that a poem verse?

"As long as he's having some fun, he'll make sure to get it done! I never even have to ask, he's always lending me a hand!~" Sorry, but I really can't do this anymore.

"Thanks for backing me up here, Oma-san, but please stop with the rhymes."
"Hmph, fine, you big meanie."

"But yeah, Saihara-chan is the only reason my room is so tidy and I don't starve for breakfast most mornings." Ah, I haven't even helped her with cooking or cleaning in about two years, I wonder if she's been fine without me all this time.

What am I saying? Clearly I would've known if something was off all this time. Oma-san may be childish, but she's still her own person.

"Hm, Saihara-kun seems like a most dependable individual." Tojo-san says. In a lower tone that I think only I managed to hear, she says, "Perhaps I'd benefit from showing him around my working quarters, I wonder how he would look as a butler..."