Letters to Kyle

February 14, 2020

February 14, 2020

Kyle,

Do you still remember the very first time we met? It was in August, the year 2016. It was a typical day for me, not until our gazes met, not until I knew you, not until you become very crucial in my life. Do you still remember the letter I left outside your classroom? It was on February 14, 2017. Then tomorrow after, I received the letter you gave me as a reply to what I wrote to you. It was one of the happiest days of my life, that someone like you appreciated a human like me, I felt so special that day, I felt so loved when it's you. The moment I saw you in August, it was the first time I felt my heart jumped with delight. You asked me if who was the little boy I was with if he was my little brother. I just laughed at that thought. Then I answered you, he was the son of our class adviser. Then you asked me again, where was my classroom, of course, I answered you again. Since then, I can't stop thinking about you. Days passed, our TLE teacher chose five or more representatives to bake macaroons in their classroom in the STVEP.

I never thought I would saw and talked to you again. I never knew when and where I started having feelings for you. All I knew was since then I could not erase you in my system. You became the person I want to take care of. I want to spend my days with you. I want to share my victory and defeat with you. I want to share a good laugh and a sad cry with you, only if you would just let me—but you wouldn't. It was all right, all I want is to love you, even if you can't love me back. All I want is to look at you, even if you wouldn't look back at me. I am contented by looking at you from afar, it became a habit to stare at you for a long time—when you couldn't notice me. You are the kind of person that is worth the wait, so never wonder why I am still waiting for you even it takes long years.

The moment, you enrolled in the other school, to start the next journey as a Senior High School student, it was the time I felt sad yet happy. I felt sad because I wouldn't take a good glimpse at you anymore. Felt happy because you'll grow as a person in your new environment. I thought when I couldn't see you anymore. I will probably lose my affection towards you because we were now in a different school. I couldn't reach you even more. But it made me realized that the feelings I had for you were still the same. Because love is not about skinship, it is not about seeing the person you love every day. Because love needs space, love needs time to grow, and love will only grow if the two persons are willing to part ways. But in our case, I was just the one loving you, but it was all right. I am contented, just knowing that you are happy, safe, and healthy, is way more than enough to me.

Now we are on the same campus again. But just like before, I still could not reach you. Just like before you seem so near to me, yet so far. That moment when you were just centimeters away from me, but the feeling was like you were still kilometers away from me, your heart and soul would never let me near you.

Just let me love you because I'll just let you love her. Your happiness is also my happiness, so your happiness matters to me the most. Please live a long and happy life, you deserve that.

Happy Valentine's Day Kyle, you deserve so much love today. Thank you for making me happy, smile, and in love way back when I was still too drawn in you. I still like you though, and it won't change, it will never change. I still like you and I will always do.  – L     

A short poem for you

Ikaw ang saya at ligaya

Pero ikaw rin pala ang lungkot at luha

Nangingibaw man ang pagmamahal sa'yo

Pangako, uunahin ko muna ang sarili ko.

Mahal kita, mananatili iyon sa'king gunita

Mahal mo siya, pero hihintayin pa rin kita sinta.