God's Field |COMPLETED|

Chapter Eleven- Letting Go

     It had been nearly a week since Dr. Sanders had sent me an email I still haven't read.  I was terrified to open it, especially since I never responded to the first email he sent me after I initially reached out. 

     I was locked in a cage of fear, of doubts, of exhaustion slowly turning into restless panic.  I knew I needed to respond, but that was what scared me the most; responding.  Telling a stranger all my deepest issues and struggles, that was enough to get the most stoic of soldiers nervous.  Pushing down my anxiety, I clicked the email and read it all.

Dear Jacob Green,

Hello Jacob, how are you?  It has been three weeks since you last reached out to me.  I am simply emailing you as either a reminder to respond or a courtesy call to please tell me if you are no longer interested in this.  I am willing to assist you with words of advice and knowledge, but please understand I am a busy man and cannot indulge into a relationship half committed.

Sincerely,
Dr. John Sanders

    I frowned, guilt gnawing at my conscience.  I knew I had to at least respond, I just, well, I was too much of a coward.  Facing my anxiety, what happened, everything head on freaked me out. 

     Sighing, I put my phone down and walked outside.  It was a weekend and I had nothing planned, so running my thoughts out seemed like the next best thing.  Swallowing the guilt, I started jogging behind my house.  I lived on a solitary hill with trees packed on the right side along with a small pond, so I had a bit of privacy. 

     The relinquished quiet of the morning didn't last long, nothing peaceful for me ever did. 

     It was a simple blue jay singing a delicate song in one of the burly green trees, but it was enough to send my warm scenery into a memory I had tried to bury.  "I don't know what to do," Fisher sighed, looking off into the street. 

     We were seated on the sidewalk, our feet carelessly resting in the street.  "It doesn't seem that complicated to me."  His brow scrunched up, looking at me perplexed, "what do you mean?" 

     I shrugged, "all you have to do is talk to her.  I mean, what's the worst that could happen?  Don't give me that look, this isn't my fault.  Just, just think about it in a realistic way.  You like Taylor a lot, right?  She obviously likes you too, the flirting isn't exactly subtle.  If you want to be so pessimistic, the worst that can happen is that she rejects you." 

     Another long sigh fell out of his mouth, returning his focus to the street, "I guess I'm just scared."  "The longer you avoid this, the more you'll think about it and the worse you'll feel.  It's okay to be a coward, but even cowards have to be brave every once in a while." 

     He pressed his hands to his face, "ughh, I hate it when you're right."  I just smiled, clapping a hand on his back, "I know."

    I blinked, looking around at the green scenery.  Sighing, I stopped my jog and groaned.  I really didn't want to do this, but being a hypocrite wasn't any better.  I walked back into the house and up to my room, sitting on my bed, I fetched my phone.  I needed to write this email.

Dear Dr. John Sanders,

Sorry sir, I'm not even going to bother sugar coating it.  I received your emails and I haven't been too busy, but I guess I just needed some time to decide if I really could do this. 
I think I can, so I'll try to answer all your questions, but everything is still very fresh to me... please understand if I can't openly talk about a specific topic.  Now to address your questions. 
I enjoy running a lot, it helps me to clear my mind and stop the constant flow of thoughts I generally have.  This is the same for relaxing.  I can be fairly social if I want to be, but overall I'm not the most talkative person. 
I've been told I'm more soft spoken than anything, but if I'm with really close friends I can talk almost as much as the next politician.  I eat dinner, sometimes lunch, but I often skip breakfast. 
It depends if my mother is awake or not, she usually forces the meals down my throat... even if I'm running late for school.  The only medicine I've taken recently is Advil, but I only take it every once in a while when my legs start to hurt- an effect from the accident.  I didn't used to have any medical conditions, but now my legs are considered a liability, I suppose. 
My family... I've always kept tabs with them and see my mom and dad on a regular basis.  I trust them, but I can't say I've ever told them how I'm doing with all of this.  I mean, they ask and I give them an acceptable answer, but, well, opening up isn't my strongest quality.  I suppose it is different with you since you're paid to listen to people's problems. 
I used to do soccer, not so much anymore, though, I've been going to Coach Sanders's practices.  I honestly don't think I have any questions for you... Umm, I guess I do have one, what made you want to be a therapist?  That's all for now.  Sorry I took so long to reach out.