the moral of the story

chapter eighteen: realizations

you wouldn't believe how hard it is to run in heels. i used to watch these horror movies where the final girl was always running away from the killer in heels, and i was always confused as to why she would trip over her own two feet. surely, it really can't be that difficult, can it?

turns out it can.

i had to leave oliver standing in that restaurant without so much as a goodbye, but this issue at hand seemed pretty pressing, sorry. i manage to snatch my jacket from the front of the restaurant, struggling to put it on while i waddle along.

verona's already halfway through the parking lot when i finally catch up with her. of course she knows how to run in heels, she's been wearing them since she was old enough to realize how powerful they make you feel. i grab her arm and force her to look at me.

i expect her eyes to be filled with disbelief, like they wouldn't expect to find me in such an intimate moment with a guy like oliver. but no, because she knows better. instead, her eyes are all knowing, staring down at me like the queen she is. no, she's enjoying this.

"verona." i pant, still catching my breath from the run. "verona, whatever y-you think you j-just saw, it-it isn't what you think."

"you know, i knew i saw that it was a guy who drove you home today." verona laughs to herself, and i just know she's fantasizing about telling mom and dad everything that just happened.

"it was nothing, verona!" i snap, feeling my chest grow very heavy with each second that passes.

"are you serious right now, florence?" verona asks with a bitter laugh.

i don't say anything. i guess it's stupid of me to think i can convince her that something wasn't happening, because i'm not entirely sure that something wasn't happening. whatever was going on, it was really really intimate. it wasn't first time today, but it still felt...i don't know, calming, i guess.

"that's what i thought." verona spits, the condescending smile disappearing from her glossed lips. "i'll be in the car."

but i don't let her. my arm reaches out to grab hers again before i can even think. i yank her so she's facing me again and i look at her stupidly perfect face.

"you can't." i plead, my voice more desperate than i'd ever sounded around verona. "listen, i can't tell you what's going on with me and oliver because to be completely honest, verona, i have no idea what's going on. you know, it's really weird, okay. i can't describe it, but right now we're friends. and you can't tell mom and dad, because then they would take away one of the only friends i have at the moment. i know i've really fucked everything up for all of us, but i think i deserve at least a friend. so can you please, for once in your life, do me this one favor and keep what you saw to yourself?"

i'm too much a coward to look verona in the eyes after my little speech. i don't think i've ever poured my heart out like that to her before. we've never had that type of relationship, even when we were kids. and wow, do i feel humiliated. i don't know why i care, but she must think i'm an idiot. i feel like an idiot.

after a few moments of silence, i hear her voice. "how do i know this isn't gonna end up like james?"

i close my eyes as i feel a pang in my chest. shaking my head, i open them and finally meet her eyes. "you don't. but i've had a year and a half of misery, verona. i...i need this, okay? i need to feel less alone."

afraid or embarrassed, i flick my eyes down at my fingernails. i should really paint them soon. what color do you think? maybe white, or black. yeah, i think i'll do black. it looks pretty good with my skin tone, i've come to realize.