the moral of the story

chapter twenty-four: the first stage is acceptance

roman eventually lets me go, and i make my way over to diana, realizing that, although oliver and i definitely need to talk, i think i owe a conversation more to her at the moment.

"oh. hey." diana says when she notices me standing next to her.

"hey." i respond awkwardly. i rock back and forth on my heels for a bit, knowing that this was the perfect time to slip in a little apology. but then again, i've never been super word-savvy, so finding them would definitely prove to be difficult.

"listen." i sigh, deciding to just wing the apology. "i'm sorry about what went down last night. in case you've haven't noticed already, i've got a shit ton of trust issues that, as much as i hate it, are really relevant in my life. and, uh, i tend to push people away. it's not healthy, i know that, but it's sorta instinct at this point. but last night i shouldn't have pushed you away the way i did. i mean, what you told me, about your mom and your family, it-it means a lot to me that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. and i should've let you in, even just a little. and i'm gonna work on that. and i realize that i'm some desperate need of therapy, but therapy would require actually telling my parents that i have issues, and them actually comprehending something i tell them. because they don't do that. you know, you get the point. sorry about the rambling."

i glance down at my fingers, twiddling my thumbs as i wait for a response. i don't expect her to accept my lame ass apology, she doesn't really me anything. i was the bitch for no reason. well, i have a reason. just not a good one. and as much as my life has sucked, i realize that everyone around me is right; it's time for me to stop having a victim complex. it's time to move on.

i hear diana sigh, and i can already sense a refusal to my apology coming.

"alright."

i whip my head up, tilting my head at her words. huh?

"huh?"

"i said it's alright." diana says, turning to me "nobody's perfect, especially me. i definitely shouldn't have pushed you when you clearly still have some issues to work through. i mean, i should know, seeing that i'm the one that's actually going to therapy."

"you go to therapy?" i ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

diana scoffs. "why wouldn't i go to therapy? florence, when i came out my whole family ostracized me. you're not the only girl in the world who's got issues. mine just happen to be abandonment issues. and therapy's been really helpful with helping my self-esteem. and, it's really nice to just talk my feelings out without being afraid of being judged."

i nod slowly, thinking back to a couple of months ago when mrs. patterson suggested the idea of therapy to me. it feels like a thousand years have passed since then. i'm definitely not the same girl i was when that conversation happened. she was so hurt and felt completely helpless all the time. she was drowning and no one cared to even glance at her. but now, i've got this group of friends that are slowly beginning to feel more like family than my own. and my issues are still there, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel that definitely wasn't there before. my issues need addressing if i wanna get better. i get that now.

so for the first time, i don't feel ashamed to ask, "hey, you wouldn't happen to have the number for your therapist, do you?"

•

a few days later, oliver, diana, and i are sat in our usual spots in the closet. it's tuesday, and i managed to avoid verona at all costs, and now she's returned to college for the rest of the semester. i still haven't forgot about her threat involving oliver, and i'll deal with that when the time comes. but for now, i'm just focused on maintaining the budding relationship between ollie and i. sigh.