My Favorite Story: Someday Out of The Blue

CHAPTER 26: SOMEDAY OUT OF THE BLUE

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Someday Out Of the Blue

By LittleBuddhaTW

Special thanks to Kitty (PiscesRising) from GayAuthors.org for editing!

CHAPTER 26: SOMEDAY OUT OF THE BLUE

knew I shouldn't have told Ben about what Ryan told me, about how much he missed me. I should have known there would be some drama. My life seemed like a never-ending soap opera. "Ben, you're over-reacting!" I pleaded with him. "Connor, calm down," he said, stroking my arm gently as we sat on the sofa in his living room. It was just the two of us, for once, and I'd been hoping for some "quality time" together ... namely, some making out, some naked cuddling, and maybe a little bit more. But no, I had to open my big mouth and tell him what had happened that night when I cancelled my date with him. "I don't want to break up with you!" I practically shouted. "I didn't cheat on you! We didn't do anything, I swear!" I was definitely worked up. "I know that, Connor," Ben replied. "And I'm not 'dumping' you or anything. This was just a trial run, remember?" No, no, no! This couldn't be happening again! I'd been so happy with Ben, with my life ... everything. And now I was getting dumped for the second time in less than a year. What in the hell was wrong with me?! "But I thought everything was so good between us," I whimpered. I was prepared to start begging. "It was ... and it is, Connor," Ben said, pulling me into a hug. "You've been the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. You're sweet, cute, and fun to be around. But your heart has always been with Ryan, and his with you. Ever since that first time he brought you over to our table at lunch, it's been obvious that the two of you have something special. It's hard to explain, and I've never really believed in soul mates, but if ever there were two people who were meant to be together, it's you two." I pulled back from Ben's embrace. "If you thought that, then why did you agree to date me in the first place?" He sighed and leaned back into the sofa, running his fingers through his hair. "Because I like you, Connor. I did, and I still do. Maybe it was a little selfish of me. Shit, I didn't even think things would go this far. I didn't think you'd be interested. But that's why I didn't want to get too serious or be 'official' boyfriends or whatever. A part of me always knew that you were meant to be with Ryan in the long run, once you'd both had time to cool down and think about things." In a way, his explanation did make sense ... sort of. But that didn't make me feel any better. He was making a decision for me, and I didn't like that. Shouldn't that have been a choice for me to make? And if it was, I would have chosen to be with Ben. But, apparently, he wasn't giving me that choice, and it crushed me. Once again, I wasn't in control of my own life. "I hope we can still be best friends, Connor," he said, looking at me hopefully. "I wouldn't count on it," I muttered, then got up from the sofa and walked right out the door, without waiting to hear if he had a response. I'd had just about enough of having my heart broken. I didn't tell anyone about my break up with Ben. If Ben wanted to tell people, then that was his business. There wasn't much of a chance for me to tell anyone, anyway, since I started pulling away from my friends. My excuse was that I wanted to work more hours before school started up again, but it was really because I didn't want to deal with all the questions, nor did I want anyone telling me what I should or shouldn't do, or trying to console me. I started hanging out with Cody more, which worked out well for him, since Toby had recently started back to swim practice. But I kept my distance from Ryan and Ben. I wasn't upset with Ryan or anything, but I was afraid of being tempted to go running back to him, and that wasn't something I was ready to do. I knew he was sorry for what had happened, but he still hadn't given me any kind of explanation. I wasn't about to take the chance of getting hurt again, especially after having had my ass dumped twice in one summer. That wasn't an easy thing to deal with, especially with my already fragile self-esteem. Ryan had started up lacrosse practice in preparation for the fall season, so it wasn't too difficult to avoid him. Ben, on the other hand, was proving to be more difficult. He kept calling me, practically begging me to hang out with him, but I rebuffed him every time. Sure, it was easy to say that you wanted to remain friends when you broke up with someone, but reality wasn't always that simple. And despite how much I cared for Ben and loved being with him, I couldn't handle it. Not yet, anyway. The only time I was actually forced to be around the two of them was for Ryan's seventeenth birthday party. I'd momentarily entertained the thought of not going, but I figured that would probably be pretty shitty of me, so I forced myself to suck it up and make an appearance. I even made sure to buy him a present -- a silver necklace, which cost me about two hundred dollars. Apparently Ryan thought it was a nice gift, and he surprised me by pulling me into a tight hug. I wasn't prepared for that and didn't know how to respond. Sure, the obvious thing would have been to hug him back, but I was afraid of how any little gesture would be interpreted. I ended up just patting him on the back, but while he was hugging me, I caught a glimpse of Ben, scowling. Wasn't he the one who had wanted to break up with me? The party itself was on a much smaller scale than my sixteenth birthday party, and I felt a little guilty about that. It was also raining that day, which meant that while Delcondris was huddled up under an umbrella at the grill outside, the rest of us were in the basement, watching movies, chatting, and playing darts. Eventually, Toby persuaded me to sit down at my digital piano and play something. I went through two of my favorite ballads, Elton John's "Blues for Baby and Me" and Kenny Loggins' "Danny's Song." But I was still a little pissed at Ben's attitude when Ryan hugged me, so against my better judgment, I decided to make a veiled swipe at him and play something with a bit of a message. The song I chose was a country-flavored Elton John piece called "So Sad the Renegade," the lyrics expressing almost exactly how I was feeling about Ben.