Horikita Route

Chapter 11 - V1

5 minutes before the end of the class and Suzu still seems to have her head in the clouds. What's up with her? Ever since the end of the lunch period, she seemed to be more occupied than usual. Her eyes, although looking at the lecturer, seemed hazy and unfocused. Did something happen to her group? Was there a dispute or an argument?

I couldn't really ask her outright, since she has been a bit distant as of late. I don't want her to get angry at me and fall back more than she already did.

Since about two weeks ago, our relationship as friends slowly deteriorated. While I still hold her in a vey high regard since she was my first ever friend, our talks have lessened to such a degree wherein I no longer feel like I have a significant part in her life.

Before, I knew that I was a big part of her daily routine, we were practically together all the time, after all. But these past few weeks, she seemed to be okay with not hanging out anymore. Almost as if..... I don't know.... like I would be a bother if I ever try ask for her company.

Ever since that day with Koenji, she started to walk to school on her own. Sometimes, I'd see her in front of me, walking alone to the building. Other times, I would see her being accompanied by one of her members, either Shinohara or Onodera, chatting as if they were old friends.

In a way, I am happy for her. This was the growth I wanted her to get from all of this, after all. This was the progression of events I chose, right now, it is going splendidly for her. Her acute social skills and icy personality has somewhat thawed when in the company of familiar faces. I'm glad that she isn't so isolated that the only person she could talk to was me, her seatmate.

However, there is a small part of me that is unhappy with the results. I've foreseen this outcome. I knew that when she asked for help for to reach Class A, and when I became determined to mold her into a better person, that the time between us would dwindle down to almost nothing. But like I said, I just need to endure, just like I did in the White Room. Physical pain isn't new to me, this emotional, more unstable pain would just need some time to adjust to.

It's always been like that. Adapt, if you can't, try harder.

It doesn't mean that I have given up on having time with her, though. Whenever I find the time to, I always try to connect with her somehow, no matter how little time we have.

Like last Monday, for example! I saw her preparing study materials for her group in the library alone. It was about 5 in the afternoon, she was there writing down various formulas and questions for her group to solve and understand. Under the glare of the orange rays of the setting sun, she was toiling away for the sake of her classmates.

I couldn't help but admire her determination, her strength, her resolve. She was unrelenting, like a tsunami, pushing though the heavy rocks of the dock.

She always say that she has no care whatsoever for her classmates, but looking at her then, it was clear to see how big of a lie that statement was.

Perhaps, even she doesn't know she's lying about it?

I remember sitting beside her, just watching... watching her work on her purpose, on her promise to reach Class A. It was, for the lack of a better word, beautiful.

If it wasn't for Kei messaging me for tutoring again in Math, I could've stayed there until she finished.

I have no idea if she even felt my presence, but spending time with her was more than enough for me. While my chest may not have the same warmth I felt every time now because of the loss of her company, seeing her grow as a person was a good enough exchange.

Speaking of Kei, I hope she's ready to give out those papers.

Kei Karuizawa, a very interesting girl. Ever since she and I started to hang out after class to study or to gather information, her past slowly leaked in bits and pieces.