Hostage Handbook

True Ending | In the Name of Your Euphoria

YEOREUM

I change into my lace gown, burying my face in the smooth fabric as I pull it over my head. Every thread is stringed with Jungkook's scents. The lavender smell he always carries, the dizzying dreaminess his cologne contains, the fragrance of his shower gel. Every bit of Jungkook has been tattooed into the cuffs and chains I pick up again with the hopes of feeling something, anything.

Victoria the Second waltzes into the room without even looking at me. Jungkook has banned her from entering the bedroom after the biting incident, but this slippery little bitch seems to have easily pussyfooted around her banishment. She searches for her favourite yarn ball I stashed away when Ms Kim cleaned her toys downstairs. I've placed it in a corner beneath the bed, one of her favourite places to catch a mid-morning nap, to make it easy for her to find.

I walk to Victoria the Second before she can elope with her yarn. She growls at me and races towards the doorway. Her legs tremor with anxiety.

I catch Victoria the Second by her neck, burying my fingers into her supple skin the way she ground her teeth into mine. Her ball of yarn falls on the floor with a quiet plop.

"Fuck you," I snap. "I hate you."

Victoria the Second blows a loud cry as she flails to wrestle out of my grip. It is the first time I have ever heard an animal cry. It is unpleasant, nerve-racking even. But the louder she cries, the tighter my grip grows.

I gaze at the back of Victoria the Second's head, admiring the perfection of the spherical shape her thick coat fails to hide. My mind blanks out at the angles and edges that resemble a round corn kernel or resin sculpture, something with utter precision and exactness.

I want to dissect the fears and anxiety shuttling against Victoria the Second's skull to see if I can resonate with any of them. Maybe if I break her thoughts into pieces, I'll be able to convince myself to feel similar things.

Suddenly, Victoria the Second falls idle. I shake her to waggle an objection out of her. But she ignores me.

Jungkook rushes into the room with sweat rolling down his forehead. He probably noticed Victoria the Second's sly escape and busted through the door to save me from the cat's attack. Pitifully, the one who is busy suffering the consequences of a vicious attack isn't me.

The reflection of me in Jungkook's rheumy eyes almost makes me jump. There isn't a speck of emotion on my face. I look as if I have merely woken up from a nap.

I plunge to the ground, and a laugh escapes me. The compulsive sound peels the last sheet of colour away from Jungkook's face, tinting his features with bone-white dread.

Jungkook sprints out of the room, leaving me alone with Victoria the Second's corpse and the ghastly weight in the air that shuts in on me.

I collapse to the ground, letting Victoria the Second lie beside me. I take out the pregnancy test from my underwear, letting the two red lines glare at me.

I only ran out of contraceptives two months ago, and Jungkook no longer touches me every day; I thought I would be safe. Destiny is the meanest bitch-ass bully I've ever met.

The door bursts open again after my second panic attack begins to wane. Luckily, I've squeezed the pregnancy test back into my underwear.

Jungkook drags me up from the floor and wrenches me out the door. Victoria the Second splays on the ground without my grip, with her emerald eyes locked to the ceiling.

I gaze at Victoria the Second, praying she'll roll around and spoon with her yarn ball as soon as my menacing presence leaves, but she continues to lie there without moving a muscle.