REFLECTING BACK | A.K ✔

STRANGEST DREAM OF ALL

tw // panicking, vomit

Awsten sits up immediately, wide awake. His heart is racing. He starts tapping on his chest, trying to calm himself down. It works after a little while. He breathes in and out heavily. It takes Awsten a while before he's calm.

Last night, he had the strangest dream of all. His brain plagued him with memories of Sunny.

He reaches out across his bed, searching for someone that isn't there. Sunny Olsen.

Her name is like a curse. One that finds itself taking up space in his brain eternally. Sunny Olsen. His flame. Except she isn't his anymore, and she never really was.

It's hard to believe that after two years he's still thinking about her. Her touch against his bare skin. Her soft voice in his ear, whispering lies that cut like knives. The butterflies nesting in his stomach and fluttering around in his heart every time she was around. Everything about her was a drug.

He gets up, making his way out of his room and to his bathroom. He's on the floor, throwing up into the toilet bowl in a matter of seconds. He needs to get out of his apartment.

A familiar guitar riff can be heard from his room. His ringtone. He gets up, stumbling out of the bathroom and to his bedside table. Zakk Cervini is calling. Of course. Awsten and Zakk made plans to go to Starbucks today before they head to the studio.

"Hey Aws. We still going to Starbucks?" Zakk asks.

"Uh, yeah man. Meet me there in, like, two hours."

"Sounds good."

When Awsten hangs up, the loneliness creeps back in. He forces himself to go back into the bathroom and take a shower. Something about the rain inspires him as he's walking to the bathroom door. Quickly, he finds himself walking around his apartment, arm high in the air. Pacing around, Awsten records the rain and wind for ten minutes. It rarely rains in LA.

Eventually, he finds himself in the shower. He presses his forehead to the cold tile on the wall. Sobs echo throughout the the shower along with the water falling against his skin.

He hasn't had a bad day like this in a while. All he can think about is Sunny. He remembers taking showers with her. Suddenly, he feels like throwing up again.

Awsten empties whatever acid is in his stomach. His throat burns. He rinses out his mouth with water, then brushes his teeth. Looking into the mirror, he sees Sunny with her arms around his waist and head on her shoulder.

Shaking his head, he leaves the bathroom, getting changed in his room. He decides on black joggers and his favorite X-Girl hoodie. He should probably head out now.

Once his vans are tied, Awsten's out the door and on his way to Starbucks.