REFLECTING BACK | A.K ✔

TIME RUNS SLOW

TW // mentions of suicidal thoughts

Sometimes, Awsten lets his mind wander. He'll sit in his room and think about Sunny.

Sunny always hated the rain. She said it ruined her "vibe" or something. However, she would watch the raindrops hit the window and fall down. They'd look through the window every time it rained.

The rain doesn't feel the same anymore. It feels wrong to look at it without her. It also feels wrong to even think about her.

As much as Awsten doesn't want to admit it, he misses Sunny. Her kiss is a tattoo, permanently reminding him of what once was. All he does is miss her and want her back even though he knows he shouldn't.

In an attempt to ignore the overwhelming feeling of loneliness, Awsten's went on a few dates. Nothing ever sticks. One or two dates until he wants nothing to do with the other person. No one makes him feel the way Sunny did, the way she still does.

Awsten pulls his comforter over his head in an attempt to block out the noise. With his head under his pillow, he feels like he's losing his mind.

The day Sunny walked out the door is engraved in his head. He had gone over to her place the next morning to collect all of his things. Awsten forgot one of his hoodies. It was probably somewhere on her floor. He remembers the look of horror she had when Sunny realized he really wasn't going to take her back. Awsten remembers wanting to die and sobbing the whole way home.

He almost did die. He wrote so many letters that night. That was one of the hardest nights Awsten ever had.

Luckily, he's gotten a lot better over time. He doesn't spend every waking moment wishing he was dead.

"Aws, get up. It's raining," Sunny whines, pulling the covers away.

"You hate the rain. Let's stay in bed."

"C'mon. I want to watch it."

Awsten opens his eyes to look at his girlfriend. "M'kay. Kiss first."

Sunny closes the gap between them, kissing his slightly chapped lips softly. Awsten grips her waist, flipping them over so she's underneath him. She pulls away with a pout.

"Rain-"

"I know, babe, I know. Let's go watch the rain."

Awsten feels himself smile. He opens his eyes, expecting to see Sunny. She isn't there. He sits up, holding himself with his arms as he stares at the wall. His eyes wander towards the window.

Shuffling over to the window, Awsten finds himself watching the rain.

"It's pretty."

"Like you," Sunny says.

His face turns red as he looks at her. "You're so cheesy."

"Says Mr. 'Kiss First'," she scoffs jokingly.

"You love me," he smiles, kissing her temple.

"You're right, I do love you."

The tears start streaming down his face. Awsten presses his forehead against the window as he lets out a sob. Everything is so cold without her. He wants her back, he really does. He doesn't care about all the pain she put him through. All Awsten wants, all he needs, is Sunny's warmth.

He traces the raindrops racing down his window with a frown. Sunny's hand presses up against the glass as she watches the rain hit the window and the street below. Awsten shakes his head, wanting the memory gone.

"I hate the rain," she sighs.

"Then why do you watch it?" he questions, eyeing his girlfriend.

"It reminds me of you. Everything is blue outside and it seems so gloomy. You fall asleep to the rain. You listen to it and it lolls you into a relaxing state. It's calming. Every time you're on tour, I listen to the rain and watch it and think of you. I usually listen to Waterparks or videos of you, too."

"Jesus christ, you're perfect," Awsten mumbles. "You're my sun."

"Because of my name?"

"No. Because you give me warmth."

"Remember that night we first met."

"Oh boy, do I," he smirks.

"Awsten Constantine Knight!" she yells, laughing at the boy. "I was gonna bring up how we compliment each other so well."

"Mm, I like that about us."

"Me too," she says softly, holding his hand.

Awsten's eyes snap open. He's alone. Like always.