REFLECTING BACK | A.K ✔

SCARED TO BE ALL ALONE

TW // not eating. mentions of death

Over the few months they've been together, Awsten and Sunny have formed a rhythm. Sunny will usually be at Awsten's or the other way around. At this point, they live together. Usually they alternate places every week or so. When Awsten's away on tour, as he's been a lot recently, she'll stay at his apartment and look after all his plants.

It's been getting more difficult for them to be apart, though. It's hard for Awsten to not believe that it's all his fault. They fight often. Sure, they always make up in the end, but it's becoming a problem.

Awsten just got home from tour. A few days before hand, him and Sunny got in a massive fight. Sunny hasn't talked to him since.

He hates to admit it, but he's terrified. He misses her more than anything, yet he's too scared to even reach out. He's sure she feels the same way. He can only hope she doesn't want to break up with him.

He spends the day in his bed with his arms wrapped around a pillow. He's wearing Sunny's hoodie. All he wants is his girlfriend. He loves her, he really does. Being away from her showed him how much he really loves her. She holds his heart and his entire world in her grasp. Sunny keeps him going. Keeps him warm.

She's the reason he writes all these love songs. All of them are for her. They're about her and the way she makes him feel. It's a curse but a blessing at the same time. If she called, he would run to her in an instant.

For the next two days, Awsten finds himself in bed. He can't bring himself to leave the comfort of his blanket. The only time he gets up is to use the bathroom or grab something to drink. He hasn't eaten in days. He hasn't answered many calls or texts either. Through all of this, he's been writing. Countless voice notes take up space on his phone. Lyrics run through his head along with melodies.

Finally, Awsten decides to stop pitying himself and get out of bed. He makes himself scrambled eggs and toast. Awsten doesn't realize how hungry he's been until he takes his first bite of food. He eats his whole plate in less than five minutes. While he's at it, he takes all of his vitamins and makes a protein shake.

He texts De'Wayne to ask if he wants to do hot yoga like they've been talking about doing. De'Wayne immediately answers with a yes and that he's on his way to Awsten's.

"Aws, it's good to see you," De'Wayne greets once he arrives.

Awsten doesn't say anything, just wraps his arms around his friend. De'Wayne understands, hugging him back tight.

"Ready?" Awsten asks, pulling away and offering De'Wayne a big smile.

Their first hot yoga session is absolutely brutal. It leaves both Awsten and De'Wayne feeling completely exhausted. They grab Thai food afterwards then head back to Awsten's apartment.

"So," De'Wayne begins, looking at his best friend, "What happened? You, like, disappeared for days after tour. I'm not even sure if you've left your bed, let alone your apartment in those days. Oh, and, Geoff just texted me asking if you're okay. I'm guessing I'm the only person you've contacted."

"Uh, yeah," Awsten says sheepishly. "Sunny and I got in a fight a few days before tour ended and haven't talked since."

"I don't wanna see you get hurt, man. I love you. Please, take care of yourself. Talk to Sunny after we're done here, too. Y'all care about each other. I'm sure it'll work out."

"Thank you, De'Wayne."

"No problem, man. You're my bestie, remember. Besties look out for besties."

After spending another hour or two together, De'Wayne goes back to his apartment. Awsten cleans up his apartment, listening to one of his playlist while doing so.

It's about ten pm when he sits down at his small desk and starts messing around with a melody that's been in his head.

Awsten doesn't expect to see Sunny at his door that night. She's soaking wet, her eyes red and puffy. She sniffs a few times, staring up at him nervously.

"Can I come in?" she asks quietly.

"Of course. Come on. Let's get you dried off," he says softly.

She follows him to his bathroom. Sunny sits on the edge of the tub, rubbing her eyes. Awsten grabs her a towel and a change of clothes. He shuts the bathroom door.

By the time Sunny's out of the bathroom, Awsten has two mugs of hot chocolate ready. She stands next to him, eyeing the mug on the counter.

"It's for you," he says, sliding it over to her.

"Thanks."

Awsten notices she isn't her usual red self. She's like a faded, muddy, yellow. She takes a few sips before setting the mug down.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Taking in a deep breath, Sunny nods. "My dad died today, Aws."

"Oh my god. Sunny, I'm sorry."

"You know, he's been sick for a long time. It's been really hard. Then I get a call on my way to see him saying that he's gone. That they couldn't steady his vitals. He died and no family was there to say goodbye."

Awsten wraps his arms around her. He kisses the top of her head. She cries into his chest.

"God, I missed you," she mumbles, hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry, baby. I should've talked to you but just got scared. I felt so alone these past few days."

"Hey, it's okay, Sunny. You've had a lot going on. You're not alone, okay? I'm always here for you, always," he whispers as he runs his hands through her hair.

"I love you."

That's the first time Awsten ever heard her say that. They've never said 'I love you' before.

"I love you, too. You'll never have to sleep alone again, I promise."

She looks up at him with tears in her eyes. Awsten's crying as well. Awsten wipes her tears away, kissing every inch of her face. He kisses each of the corners of her lips before closing the gap between them. Awsten's face feels hot when he's with her.

The couple cuddle up in Awsten's bed shortly after that. Sunny recalls stories about her father. It's a lot of crying, so Awsten offers her tissues as well as a shoulder to cry on.

They fall asleep with their legs tangled. Awsten's head rests on top of hers. Sunny has her head on his chest and arms wrapped around him tight.