An Unpredictable Universe

8. Sabrina: Show Me The World

My heart skips a beat. Literally.
I hear my door suddenly close silently and I can't see who walked into my room since my lights are off. All I can see is someone's silhouette and the first name I think of saying is Kian's name.
The person walks closer to me and I stay frozen in fear. What if this isn't Kian and just some kidnapper who's going to kill me and finally end my misery?
"Shhhh don't talk so loud." Then it came to me. This is Kian. His delicate voice warmed up my heart instantly.
"Why are you here? What are you doing here?" I whisper and he bends down to shush me with his finger and he keeps it there.
He looks away for a moment and says, "Don't talk I hear footsteps coming. No one is supposed to know I'm here right now."
I widen my eyes and keep quiet. My heart beats even faster as I feel his finger against my lips. I feel all hot and I think I'm about to explode.
A few moments later he gets up and turns on the lamp beside my bed. This is the first time I see Kian wearing normal casual clothes other than his scrubs. He looks really good like a teenage boy you'd see in a coming of age film. He's really cute actually as I notice his features more and more each day. He takes a towel from the bathroom and damps his wet curls with it. He then takes off his hoodie revealing his bare chest. He has a light six pack and muscular arms. His body is literally perfect. My heart stops beating this time. I think this is actually how I'm going to die. Maybe I'm being over dramatic but wow, I didn't expect him to just-
Kian smirks to himself and then turns around so I wouldn't have to see him from the front. I look away anyways, and I stare at my window being oddly way too silent now.
"Sorry about that. Uh, my hoodie got really wet since it was pouring hard as I made my way here. I'll just put this on." I look back at him and he reaches for one of my extra large white T- Shirts that lied on a corner desk along with my other t-shirts. I turn even more red noticing that he's going to wear one of my clothing and I look away again. Why now? Why does he have to make me feel so flushed now, especially at this time?!
"Are any of the main nurses going to check up on you or not until the morning?," Kian finally asks breaking the awkward silence that was building up in the room.
"Yeah, nurse Gia will since you're not coming tomorrow," I mumble and continue looking away from him. I feel him approaching me and then I hear hum pulling out a chair.
"You asked me why I came to see you again especially at this time. I came because I just felt like seeing you. You're my friend and there's nothing wrong with that, right?"
I watch the rain pour and say, "Yeah that's fine. I just never had a person just come randomly like that without mentioning they were coming beforehand."
I hear Kian sigh. "I would of texted you but I don't have your phone number. So I guess you'll just have to deal with me sneaking in here then unexpectedly unless you give it to me."
I begin to smile to myself and then I turn to face him. He's sitting on a chair right next to me and grinning. He looks extra handsome with wet hair and with wearing my shirt.
"Yeah true. I'll give you my number later then. Oh I forgot to show you."
I reach over to my bag and I pull out the Polaroid that my parents got me back in October.
"I got this from my parents as a 'apologetic gift.'"
Kian raises his eyebrows and the corners of his lips lift even more.
"That's literally so cool. I've always wanted one of those."
I then lift up the Polaroid and stare precisely into the view finder. I notice Kian about to cover his face but I press the shutter button before he had the chance to do so.
Flash.
"Got you!!"
Kian lightly hits his face with the palm of his hands and laughs.
I take the picture out and wave it back and forth in the air until is begins to clear.
"Look. Just look. This is for me. I'm trying to make an album of happy memories that I can look back to in my sad life."
Kian takes the picture and his face brightens.
"Wow that's a great idea. But this picture of me is horrible!" Kian pouts like a baby and gives the picture back to me.
I look at the picture and now it's fully clear. The picture is adorable- well to me. Kian's smile is so wide that his dimples stick out and his fluffy hair jumps up in the picture.
"I have an idea," Kian blurts out.
I raise and eyebrow perplexed and he continues, "Well, I've noticed that you don't really walk around the hospital as much. I mean that's probably because you're weak and you have that tumor so it's hard for you to walk. But I'll ask Dr. Flora next time if maybe I can get one of the wheel chairs from room 108 so I can take you around and we can do more things. This is obviously when I'm on break or when I have to help assist you."
That's actually a great idea. I haven't been out of this room in weeks and that's probably why I have no friends from this hospital itself. Maybe there's some hope for me to be happier in this cruel world.
"Okay next week take me out of here. The real question is what are we really going to do? There will be restrictions and the nurses will keep an eye on us knowing you're an intern here."
Kian's mouth twists and he pauses for a moment.
"I'll just take you around the hospital in a wheel chair. It'll be fun I don't mind getting some exercise anyways and I'll be with you."
He smirks to himself and I giggle.
"I mean I think we can do that. It's just." I pause for a moment and Kian tilts his head while eyeing me observingly.
"I haven't been out of this room in years really besides going to other patient's birthday parties in other rooms and having fully body check ups and all that. I've always wanted to isolate myself, you know? From the world. Even from my own parents sometimes. I don't think I can just leave and explore the hospital with you like that. I'm not used to leave this room. My home."
"Then make a change to your life. Take baby steps that can feel like giant steps to you." Kian proceeds to stare at me attentively.
"I know I've been quite bubbly in front of you. Being charming, innocent, precious, etc. but in reality I feel like I have a dark soul. Bad energy surrounding me like this grey cloud following me over my head. Only a small part of me wants to have this hope to go on and make life brighter. But the majority of myself wants to just stay in this room and do nothing all day but wait until I die."
I look away from Kian and I stare at my window once again like I always do. The sky is pitch dark and it comforts me.
"Sorry to ruin the mood. This cancer. It just takes away the real spark in you, doesn't it? All of my life, I've been this way I guess. Telling myself that if I were actually a good person, maybe god would of taken my cancer away by now. I have it for some reason. Do you believe in reincarnation? Well I've always thought that maybe I've had so many sins in my past life and this is the way I'll have to pay back for those wrong doings. It doesn't matter that I currently don't know what I've done in my past, but that my soul carries this negative energy throughout time." Gosh, I feel like I've spoken so much and I begin to feel a rush of regret and humiliation.
Then there's this awkward pause for a while and I wince so hard that I make a small noise.
All of a sudden, I feel Kian's warm hand and I turn my head around to face him. His hand is placed besides my lower chin. He's closer to me now and my heart begins to accelerate.
"Sabrina you have such a pure and beautiful soul. I just know it and feel it. Believe me or don't but it's true and I'm saying this with sincere words. Life is just cruel sometimes. There's people dying every second all around the world yet you're still here, right? Some children die at such a young age and even some babies die before they turn one because they're ill or because they're used as defense in a war or something. I'm not saying that what you're going through isn't horrible at all. I'm just trying to point out that bad things can happen to anyone at any given moment. I can get hit by a car on my way home after seeing you and then you might end up living way more years than me even living with cancer."
My lips suddenly quiver and I don't know how to react or feel by hearing his words.
"Sabrina this world is just... cruel. But then again, it's also up to you to make your life feel less cruel. Always live every day with positivity. Life is unfair and it's not really our fault I feel. Maybe it's our past sins or what not. But then again, who you are now as a person, this is a new person. A person who was born into the world out of love from both of your parents. You having this negative energy will only attract more sins to create I feel, you know? So live your life as the person you are now which is Sabrina. As this charming and beautiful person I know you are. I don't want you to keep hurting because you believe you are born in this earth to only suffer. No you deserve so much more than you think you do."
I begin to tear up and he pulls me in closer to where I feel his breath on me.
"You deserve the world and I want to show it to you. I'll try my hardest to show it you. Next week let's explore this huge ass hospital together. Then we'll go outside and I push you around and we'll do fun shit. Man, I don't know. We'll get yummy real food, not this processed food you're used to! We'll go by the lake and watch the stars shimmer from above. We'll drive around and see the outside world. I just want to take you out to see more. I'll try my best to show you as much as I can. You really deserve the world. I don't know how many times I have to god damn say it. Sabrina you deserve the world. Sabrina your deserve the world. You deserve the world."
I choke up my tears silently and Kian sheds a small tear as well. He brings me so close that our foreheads touch and we just stay still, as our foreheads lay pressed against one another.
"Let me show you the world Sabrina. Change your life and allow me to please." Kian utters under his breath so low, yet he sounded so loud.
I nod silently and a few moments later he backs his head away from mine. He just looks at me with his glimmering soft light brown eyes as he wipes my tears away. I shiver from his touch and now suddenly I have the urge of wanting to pull him close to me. My body begins to get all steamy and I just need him to be closer to me. I almost pull him on top of me impulsively, but he stands up.
"Well I'm going to let Dr Flora first thing next week about our trips out of this room." Kian winks at me and grins.
He takes off my white shirt and I see him shirtless once again and I flush and turn away.
He puts on his hoodie and then tosses my white shirt onto me.
"Thanks for letting me wear it. I'll be heading off. I have to sneak out quickly before that annoying lady at the front desk gets anymore suspicious."
I nod and he then quickly makes his way out of my room.
What the hell just happened right now?
I lightly smack my face several times, hoping this was some sort of dream? But then a part of me didn't want this to be a dream because what Kian and I share right now was so touching and surreal. But no it wasn't a dream! Kian really did just walk in and out of my room at this time and make me feel things I've never dreamt of having happen to me in real life. Ever.
I stare at my wall for a good feel minutes without really knowing what to think. Then, I suddenly feel really uplifted I guess is the word to describe the emotion I'm feel right now? Kian gave me a sense of hope to look forward to in my life that won't escape as easily as I thought. Yes I've been hopeful a few times but then that hope would diminish so fast. Now I really do feel like maybe things will get better.
I mean life is unexpected in good and bad ways. Maybe my life can end up being a lot brighter than I anticipate it to be. So for now on, I'll live in the present, meaning I'll just try to not think too ahead for myself. What ever happens whether it's good or bad, I'll just accept it and let it be. I tend to just decide my fate without really knowing it. The expression "I am going to die" would repeat in my head like a broken record to the point where I really believed that will utmost Definitely happen. But then again, maybe I'll end up living and maybe that won't come true. Who knows right? That's just how life is. So for now on, No more negative Sabrina. I'll promise to keep that bow to myself and to Kian.
I'm going to try to live in the world like everyone else, or at least try to. I press the white shirt against my face and feel it's warmth. I take in all of the scent that Kian has left on it and shortly fall asleep with the thoughts of: I'll let Kian show me the world.