What have I done...?

Chapter 6

"I remember every little thing about you my Roza. From your favorite colors, your favorite flowers, your favorite food, your favorite lip gloss, the smell of your shampoo, conditioner, body wash and lotion. Everything."

I took a step closer to her and lowered my voice to a husky whisper so that my accent was much more pronounced and thicker. I knew that she loved my accent, she always has. I had never missed her reactions to my accent or to my thickening my voice and deepening my accent. Sometimes she would even physically shiver with desire and bite back a moan when I would do it on purpose. Of course she'd never known that I did it on purpose just to cause that very reaction in her.

"I also remember the feel of your skin against mine, the taste of your lips and skin and the sound of your breathing when you are... excited. I remember the sounds of your moans as I kissed you and ran my hands, lips and tongue all over every amazingly delicious inch of your body. I remember all of that and much much more my Roza."

She was confused I could see it on her face.

"Please, let me come in and talk to you, there is sooo much that you need to know. So very much that we need to talk about my Roza, so much truth that you need to hear detka." (baby)

Eventually she took the flowers from my offered hand and nodded, then she stepped back away from the door. I walked in then closed and locked the door behind us. Not wanting any interruptions, I also slipped the 'do not disturb' sign onto the doorknob before I closed and locked the door behind me.

As she was taking the flowers from me, I had seen a very small twinkle of hope appear in her eyes. And I had to hope, against all hope, that I wasn't too late to prove to her just how much I really do love her. That it wasn't too late for me to provide her with a reason for her hope.

She put the flowers in a glass of water since she had no vase here. She more likely than not didn't even have one back in her dorm room at the academy. Because dhampir seldomly received flowers, unless it was from a royal who was trying to woo them into their beds. But that would not be the case anymore, not for my Roza at least. Not one more week would go by that she didn't get at least one very full very large bouquet of flowers from me. After she put the flowers in the glass, she turned around to face me and as soon as she did that, I had her in my arms.

"I am so sorry Roza. I am soooo sorry that you actually believe all of what you said earlier. I don't know about the others, but I do love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you."

She started shaking her head and trying to pull away from me. And even though I could have forced her to stay in my arms, right where I always wanted her to be, right where she belongs as far as I am concerned. Where she has always belonged. I knew that doing that would not have helped my cause at all.

So, I allowed her to extricate herself from my embrace, no matter how much I hated it and how difficult it was to do. And on top of that was how much it hurt me physically mentally and emotionally for her to not want to be in my arms. But I did let her go, but only because I didn't want to push her and because I didn't want her to have an attack of the darkness. I also didn't want to give her further cause to doubt my love for her.

I had seen what that darkness der'mo had done to Adrian, and I didn't want my Roza to have to deal with that. I needed for her to be able to listen to me, to hear me, to understand and to believe me. I needed for her to trust and believe in me again. I was desperate for that as a matter of a fact. (shit)

I had also seen, just earlier today, what the darkness was already doing to the woman that I love. And I hated it and I even hated Lissa, a little more than a little, for causing it. Even though intellectually I knew that it wasn't really Lissa's fault either because she had no control over it any more than Adrian did. But that did not diminish how I felt towards her about it and it more likely than not never would.