What have I done...?

Chapter 8

"Are you doing this just to get the throne?"

God, she really was weary of my words and actions now after the way that I had treated her, I have really and truly crushed her trust in me. And as much as I hated it, I also had to admit that she had every right to be weary of me and having lost her trust and faith in me. Especially after the way that I have behaved since I met her.

"No detka, no of course not, if I were doing this just for the throne and crown. Then, not to be boastful, arrogant, mean or anything else but, according to the woman who have always thrown themselves at me, I could take my pick of almost any of the women in our world. But that just isn't who I am. I want to marry the woman that I love and hold dearer to me than my own life. Which is you and only you. I'm telling you all of this simply because I love you and I want you to be my wife. I want that more than anything else in this world as a matter of a fact lyubov' moya. And just so you know, if you don't want us to be the reigning monarchs, then we can refuse the thrones. And we can travel the world together until we get ready to settle down in one place. I can pass my crown, throne and the title of prince to my cousin and take the title of Lord Ivashkov instead. I just want you to be with me, I just want for you to be my wife, I just want us to be happy, in love and together forever my Roza. FOREVER, my angel. All that I have ever really wanted; no matter how hateful, cruel and disgusting that I have behaved. Is to be with you for the rest of our eternity Roza moya." (baby, my love, my)

"Then why did you say that you didn't love me, that you didn't want me, that we couldn't be together? That the very thought or idea of us being together was horrific?"

I sighed and then took a deep breath before I began trying to explain this to her. "Again, I did it out of my fear of being hurt and the desperate overwhelming fear that I am not worthy or deserving of you. I worry, more than I can tell you, that I am not deserving of you and your love. That I am not good enough for you."

She narrowed her eyes as she glared at me and she tried once again to raise an eyebrow at me. In silent challenge of my words of not being worthy of her, good enough for her or deserving of her and her love.

"I am sooo sorry Roza, I know that I have hurt you sooo much, and I never wanted to do that. I was just sooo scared. As for that stupid idiotic 'horrific' comment, the only horrific thing is the thought that I might have to live for one more day without you in my life. Let alone have to live for the rest of my life without you."

"Why aren't you scared anymore?"

"Because my cousin finally managed to pull my head out of my ass for me."

"Huh?"

I laughed. "Adrian Ivashkov is my cousin, as I told you earlier. He is the one that I was talking about giving my throne and title to if you didn't want us to ascend to the throne."

"Oh. Did you know that he is also a terrible flirt?"

I laughed. "Yes, I know he is, but he's harmless I promise. How do you know that though?"

"He has flirted with me something fierce since the very first day that I met him."

"Did he do it when I wasn't around?"

I watched as she sat there for a few moments and thought about my question. Soon she looked stunned as she answered my question. "No, now that I think about it you were always somewhere nearby when he did it."

I nodded with a smile.

"He was doing it to make me jealous and to try and knock some sense into me. And I am not going to lie to you again, it made me jealous on a massive scale."