What have I done...?

Chapter 33

"Just a little jittery, but I'm fine." She answered, but I could see the frustration and aggravation in her eyes and lips as she spoke.

"Why are you jittery Rose?" Alberta asked. She had no experience with the shadow kissed side effect that Roza moya continues to have to deal with for Lissa. Hence the question. (my)

"It's just a side effect of the bond with Lissa."

All three of the others at the table with us looked confused.

"I'll explain later I promise."

The three of them all nodded. And as they did, I saw something that none of them saw. I saw her clenching and unclenching her fists in her lap under the table, hidden away from almost everyone by the embroidered ruffle on the tablecloth. Doing her best to keep the darkness inside and contained so as not to worry, scare, or hurt either of her 'parents'.

"Just as long as, you are sure."

Angel moya gave a forced fake smile, one that is all too familiar to me. The same one that she always gives everyone, well everyone except for me that is. And has been giving them pretty much since the accident since she died. (my)

"I am."

"All right, then please explain to me in your own words, exactly what happened since you and Christian disappeared from the ski lodge. I will record it all on my cell phone and type it up when I get back to the academy. That way when you get back to the academy all you will need to do is read over it, let me know if anything needs changing and if not then sign it. And after you get your molnija marks, you can put this whole situation as far behind you as you possibly can." (my)

"Do I have to get those marks mama?" Lyubov' moya asked her mother sadly.

Alberta also looked sad as she answered her daughter's question. "I am afraid so honey, I am so sorry about that Rose."

"It's ok mom, I understand. At least none of us died, because it would have been hell having to wear marks from a day that I had lost people that I care about. Also, at least I will be wearing these marks, for the rest of my life, because I was protecting a few of the people that I care about."

"As I told Dimitri, you are my daughter Rose. And anything and everything that I can possibly do to help you through this or any other difficult time, I will do it. And yes, hopefully that will make them easier to deal with and for you to carry with you for the rest of your life. Unlike the one you had to get for Natalie Dashkov."

Roza moya just smiled a tight reflective fake smile at the woman who was, and had always been, her real mother. Because Janine Hathaway sure as ad was not and had not ever been a mother to her. She had never even so much as tried to be my Roza's mother in any way whatsoever. (my, hell)

Which I just honestly thought was dishonorable, deplorable, disgraceful, disrespectful, despicable, and disgusting on her part and towards ledi lyubov' moya. As for the molnija mark that she'd had to get for Natalie Dashkov. Most people still think that I am the one who killed Natalie, but I'm not. But that is what we, meaning myself Alberta and Roza moya, wanted everyone who didn't absolutely have to know to think. The only people that know the truth about the fact that Roza moya did it are me of course, Alberta, Lionel, Yuri, Celeste, Emil, Dr. Oldenzki, Hans Croft, Aunt Tati, and Victor Dashkov himself of course. That is still a good deal of people, but I knew that none of those people would ever reveal lyubov' moya secret. (my lady love, my, my, my loves)

I remember that day far too well. I remember the moment that the doors of the elevator had opened, and I had found all of those fallen guardians. That had been on guard in the prison level drained of every single drop of their blood.