A Shared Cell Wall (Bucky Barnes X OC)

The Privilege of Identity

Bucky looks down at Birdy in his arms on the jet. She is barely breathing but she is alive at the very least. He will never be able to get the image of her laying in her cell out of his mind. She had been crumpled together, her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms sprawled out across the cement. Her fingers pointed into the cement as if she had been clawing at the ground to stand up. Her arms had distinct scratch marks on them from her own hands trying to hold herself. The blood. The blood was everywhere. It littered the walls and the floor in colorful splashes. Some dry and some new, her own body coated in a layer as well. The gash marks and bruises covered her skin and that is what startled Bucky the most. Why had her body not healed these injuries?

He holds onto her tightly in his arms, not paying any mind to the blood that is transferring to his clothes. Tony and Bruce had both tried to take her from Bucky to clean her up before getting back to the tower but since no medical care could be provided yet, Bucky refused to let anyone touch her.

Steve watched in silence as his friend cradled the poor girl. Steve has never seen such a look of defeat on Bucky's face before as the one he has while looking down at the girl in his arms. It is clear to everyone that the bond these two hold is more than what Bucky has disclosed.

Steve can feel the weight of a chain grow heavier in his pocket, remembering the treasure he had found while searching the hydra base. Bucky's dog tags were laid over a file in an office on the first floor and he made the quick decision to swipe them to give back to Bucky. Of course now would not be a good time to reveal such a find, but when the time was right and once Bucky was not holding onto another human for dear life, Steve would return the tags to their rightful owner. It was almost ironic that Bucky had believed when he pulled Steve out of the water to the beach it was because he thought Steve held all the answers to his questions and here he is, in possession of what a soldier could put his whole identity on. Bucky's dog tags. His whole identity dangling on a chain in the form of slightly rusted and dented tags. His name and a concoction of meaningful numbers pressed into the thin metal, holding the very essence of who Bucky had become before hydra. Oh, how ignorant young Bucky would feel for ignoring the privilege of identity.

Bucky just stares at Birdy. Her hair is a mess and it bothers him. He has never seen her with hair like she has now, it is matted and pressed in all directions on her forehead. He can't help the urge he feels to clear her face of the strands, some draped through her eyelashes. Bucky knows he is practically holding her in his lap, yet he has never really touched her before. The only physical contact they have ever had with each other was on a training mat, one of them bleeding from punches and hard kicks. Something seems so vulnerable and delicate about reaching up and clearing her face, so he hesitates. How he wishes he could use his flesh hand to trace her skin, just once. Yet his mind laughs at him. He is undeserving of whatever warmth her body could possibly give off. He is unworthy of getting to find comfort in the fact that Birdy is real and tangible in his arms.

So he comes to a compromise. He brings his metal hand around and uses his thumb to push the hair from her face. He has never had so much desire for hydra to have given him feeling in the metal arm. He can't feel the warmth, can't feel the dips or smoothness of her skin, all he can feel is the pressure of his fingers tracing her face, gently repositioning her hair. With the movement, a thin swipe of blood is removed, revealing her pale skin underneath it. While asleep she nuzzles her head into his hand further, as if finding comfort in the touch. As if while unconscious, her body understands the want and need for his presence. For the first time in who knows how many years, Bucky smiles.

The gesture is enough for Natasha to nudge Clint with her shoulder to show him. The two share their own look of understanding before looking away from Bucky and his girl, feeling as if by watching they are intruding on a very personal and vulnerable moment. Steve even makes himself look to the ground, not wanting to invade in the actions of his friend just like his fellow teammates had done. Even Steve can't help but grin at the sight of his friend smiling. It is the first time he has seen his friend smile since the 1940's.