Banana Pancakes

13 years (Part 24)

❤︎

Part 24

13 years

Some relationships are easier to fix than others.

With family, I suppose it is easier. I don't know why or when they decided to stop their hostility towards one another, but Alex and Grandpa changed that day. It seems that Grandpa was willing to forget, for a long moment, that in his eyes Alex was a failure. Alex, on the other hand, was starting to accept that he was not going to let Grandpa's dominating personality ruin their relationship.

They avoided talking about personal things – just jobs and money. Instead, Alex focused on how bad the hospital cafeteria cooked their food while Grandpa agreed, although not wanting to be so eager. But the thing they had the most in common, at the moment, was me.

When Grandpa started to ask me exactly how I fell, to my surprise, Alex covered for me. He backed me up on my 'tripping-on-the-steps' story, and made it a point to get a joke out of it. By the end of our brunch, Alex had Grandpa laughing.

In a way, I was glad that my broken ankle brought the two of them together. But Grandpa had to leave, and Alex was the one that wheeled me back to my hospital room. We parted ways at the back of the cafeteria. Grandpa and Alex had chosen a secrete table, ensuring our privacy.

"Will you be back later today?" I asked worriedly. I enjoyed spending time together with my family now.

Grandpa nodded, looking over his shoulder when Mr. Hang approached him. "I'll try to be back for dinner." He paused, looking up at Alex. "Are you – are you going to be busy later today?"

Alex shook his head. "No. I'm planning to spend the day with Arthit."

I made a face, as if I hated it, letting out a laugh as Alex smacked my cast. I didn't scream 'ouch' because I really couldn't feel a thing.

"Don't hit him!" Grandpa shouted worriedly.

Alex laughed. "He doesn't feel a thing."

"Don't let him bully you too much," Grandpa told me with a smile.

"Let's eat sushi for dinner. Can we discharge her to eat?" Alex suggested.

"We'll talk about it later." Grandpa turned to follow Mr. Hang.

Meanwhile, Alex looked down at me. "He just freakin' leaves. Anyway, okay, let's go back up. You wanna try walking on the cast? It's hella neat – you rock back and forth and everything."

My brother was too funny. He was having more fun than I was. Pushing my wheelchair with utmost precision, we came into the elevator. There were already five people inside. They all looked curiously from Alex and to me. When Alex realized they were starting to recognize me, he stood in front my wheelchair and shielded me.

"Thanks."
"They were looking at you like you were a zoo animal."
"Hahaha. I feel like one. Look at this huge cast."
"There's no zoo animal that has one huge leg Arthit, only you. hey, you've become zoo's newest attraction!"
"OMG you- hahahaha!'
"Hahahaha."

Laughing as he wheeled me down the hallway of my room, Alex was starting to be great company. Further down the hall, we started to hear a lot of incoherent commotion but Alex and I didn't think much anything of it.

"You're so mean. I'm sick, remember?" I was asking him.

"Oh come on! I'm the sh–" Alex almost finished his sentence when he stopped abruptly at the doorway of my room.

That's when I realized the loud commotion was coming from my hospital room.

Following Alex's gaze, I looked inside my room.

Immediately, I felt my heart stop.

There – right there – right in front of me –

Dragon and Kongpob, arguing.

Dragon and Kongpob Suthiluck – together.

"You were supposed to be my friend!"
"You need to calm down."
"No I don't need to calm down! How the fuck could you do this?!"
"I didn't do anything."
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"Kongpob –"
"Shut the hell up. I don't want to hear you say anything."

*BAM!* His fist came up fast and quick, hard and striking – Kongpob caught Dragon's upper jaw.

"STOP!" I shouted. Forgetting that I was handicapped for a moment, I lunged forward. Surprisingly, I was able to stand up and move. But even though I was terribly off balance, I managed to half-run, half-limp into the room.

"Let go of me son-of-a-"
"You don't hit me Kongpob. EVER!"

*BAM!* Dragon retaliated, throwing a blow to Kongpob's lower abdomen.

"STOP IT – STOP IT!" I shouted panicking.

"YAH!" Alex ran in behind me.

I reached out, grabbing the one closest to me. With all my might, I pulled him away. Alex had managed to latch onto the other.

"FUCK YOU!" Kongpob was shouting, struggling in Alex's arms. "Let go of me! I'm going to fuck him up! He's nothing. You're nothing! You backstabbing son-of-a-bitch!"

Dragon wasn't struggling in my arms, instead, he was breathing heavily. His eyes were focused on Kongpob. I looked up at him and gasped. "You're bleeding!"

Kongpob had managed to bruise Dragon's lower jaw significantly. There was a large open gash; droplets of blood were slipping out. But Dragon didn't seem to feel any pain.

"Dragon!" I said urgently, watching the blood.

Only when I said his name did Dragon look down at me for the first time. As though he was realizing I was there for the first time, he finally reached up to touch his jaw. He winced slightly.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Someone get a doctor in here!" The nurse, who was in charge of watching over me, had poked her head into the room due to the loud noise. When she saw that Dragon was bleeding, she frantically ran into the room with two other nurses.

"STOP IT! It's over!" Alex shouted.

I looked back to see Kongpob forcing Alex's arms off of him. Even though Alex should've been stronger than him, Kongpob had broken away from him.

Then, without warning, he charged toward me.

Dragon gripped my wrist, pulling me back.

"Let him go," Kongpob's voice had lowered, hissing. He narrowed his eyes at Dragon, as if he was warning him. I have never seen his eyes look so fierce.

"You're bleeding, please." A nurse had grabbed Dragon's other arm, forcing him to face her. The second nurse reached up with a swab of cotton to place it underneath his jaw to stop the bleeding.

But Dragon ignored them. He stared right back into Kongpob's eyes.

I couldn't stand it anymore; I felt my stomach churning as though I was going to throw up. Reaching out, I pulled Dragon's hand off my wrist. He looked down at me surprised.

"I'll be back," I told him softly.

As soon as my hand was free, Kongpob grabbed it and jerked me forward with him.

"Kongpob!" I grimaced in pain. But he didn't seem to care.

With force, Kongpob dragged me out of the hospital room – leaving the nurses, Dragon, and Alex – and down the hallway. Other hospital occupants had stuck their heads out of their rooms due to the noises. They all looked in shock and curiosity at Kongpob dragging me down the hall – with me wobbling on my cast, trying to catch up. It was starting to hurt now.

"Kongpob! Stop it! Let me go!" I struggled against him.

Kongpob didn't say a word as he continued dragging me down the hallway. Then, making a turn, right when the elevator was almost closing – Kongpob stepped inside.

"Get out," he told the three other people already inside.

They looked at him surprised. When they saw me and how he had his hand on my wrist, they slowly stepped out of the elevator. Once the last person had gotten off, Kongpob reached forward and pressed the buttons to close the doors. Then – he pressed the emergency stop button.

The elevator shifted, groaned, and then stalled.

Kongpob turned to face me as the silence enveloped us.

I forced my eyes to look straight into his. "Welcome back, Kongpob. Did you have good trip?" I mocked him coldly.

"Don't be like this," Kongpob growled.

I swallowed hard - the anger boiling inside of me. Kongpob was looking down at me, waiting for me to respond. But I stood still. My heart was pounding and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I was so mad - so mad. I knew that if I didn't pick and chose my words carefully, we were going to fight - we were going to end up fighting like we were six again. Then, we would fall into the same cycle we've been living in for the last 12 years.

"I'm not going to argue with you Kongpob. Let me get off this elevator," I told him, turning to face the buttons.

"No!" Kongpob reached out and forced me to face him again. This time, he was so close to me that I had to notice him. I had to notice his face was still hidden behind the dark hooded black sweatshirt. I had to notice he was wearing faded blue jeans. I had to notice his jaw was clenched tightly together; a sign that he was really mad.

"I have nothing to talk to you about," I told him through gritted teeth. "I don't think we can be best friends anymore."

"I don't think we can either," Kongpob replied swiftly. He didn't wait for me to be surprised before he said, "You tell me you like me, and then you go and kiss Dragon? And you slept over at his house?" With incredible voice inflection along with a question that made me look like the worst person in the world, Kongpob drove home with his anger.

I stared up at him, wondering if this was what he really wanted to say to me right now. I didn't care how he found out Dragon and I had kissed. I didn't care how he found out I spent the night at Dragon's. I just stared up at Kongpob, trying to figure out why we were always going on this same circle. I couldn't help it. I couldn't contain this anymore. Whatever was bound to explode was going to happen right now. I wasn't going to bite my tongue for him anymore. He wants a fight? I'll give him a fight.

"Is this the first thing you say to me after you disappeared, Kongpob? You really wanna confirm who I kissed while you were gone?" I raised an eyebrow up at him, sarcastically.

Kongpob breathed down at me. "Did you kiss him?"

". . . . You told me you liked me, banana pancakes confession and all, and then you left with May," I replied simply. "What – you can dish it out but you can't take it?"

"No - it's not the same," Kongpob stubbornly denied.

"It's perfectly the same. Identical. Say one thing. Do the other."
"So you admit you were wrong too?"
"I didn't do anything wrong. That's the difference between us."

Kongpob looked as though I had punched him in the face. He stood reeling from my words - as though they didn't make much sense to him at all, yet they managed to hurt him some way.

"The difference between us," Kongpob repeated my words, never taking his eyes off of mine. "Is that what you're telling me? That we're different after 13 years?"

"Reverse psychology is not going to work on me Kongpob. Stop it before you make yourself look more like a fool," I told him angrily.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me," Kongpob said bitterly. "I cannot believe you're doing this to me."

"What am I doing to you Kongpob?!" I cried. "Are you going to stop talking ridiculous or what? What am I doing that's wrong? Hello? Do you not see the cast on my foot right now? How about, 'are you okay Arthit?' or 'Do you feel better Arthit?' or 'I'm sorry for disappearing' huh? Am I asking too much Kongpob?"

He went quiet at my words, biting his lip in anger.

"If this is your way of apologizing for leaving me high-and-dry, then you suck. You haven't changed since we were six!" I spat in his face, drawing my right arm to motion toward the elevator doors. "This is useless. Our conversations are always useless. I don't wanna see your face right now. Leave Kongpob. Get the hell out of my sight. I don't want to talk to you right now. You can be mad at me. You can hate me. I don't care. I just don't fucken care anymore. I don't need this right now. Leave!"

"Listen to me –" Without warning, he reached out to grab my arm with force again.

"Ow! Let go!" I shoved him away.

Kongpob didn't move an inch, but he did slightly stumble. "WILL YOU JUST LET ME TALK?!"

"WHY SHOULD I?!" I shoutedback. This was it. The minute everything was going to explode. "WHY SHOULD I EVEN LET YOU STAND HERE POLLUTING MY AIR?! What Kongpob? Now you wanna go back to being best friends; now that you need someone to talk to?! Well guess what? I don't wanna hear you talk anymore. I don't wanna be your best friend anymore. Leave me alone. I don't need your drama!"

"Arthit! Shut the hell up and let me talk!" Kongpob barked.

"NO! YOU LEFT WITHOUT A WORD! I don't even need to know what makes May so special that you left - left me? You didn't call me. You didn't even let me know. Did you think that I'd honestly be fine with it? That I would be 'okay' and just go on with my life, and welcome you back when you decide that it was time to come back to reality? HUH?! I HAVE LIMITS AS A BEST FRIEND!" I shouted into his face, shaking with anger because I wanted him to understand. "Does she matter that much to you - does - does she matter to you MORE THAN ME? YOU MAXED OUR YOUR BEST FRIEND QUOTA, KONGPOB!"

Kongpob's jaw clenched together before taking a deep breath and said. "No one matters to me as much as you do. I don't care what anyone else thinks of me, except you. I don't mind what they say; I just mind what you have to say. I value your opinions, thoughts, and ideas more than the world combined. You're that important to me. One look from you provokes more thoughts from me than any textbook. One smile from you makes me feel like I'm that six-year-old kid again. I like you Arthit. I've always liked you – not from a six-year-old perspective, but from what we are now. Of all the people in this damned world, I thought you would understand me!"

"WELL I DON'T!" Doing my best to contain my emotions as I always did, I could feel myself falling apart. My eyes were watching his frantically. "You talk a great talk Kongpob. Fooled me so many times. Nice speech. But what on Earth are you always talking about Kongpob Suthiluck? How was I suppose to understand why you left with her? Why you regard her with - with so much attention and -"

"I WANNA HELP HER!" Kongpob barked at me, ending my attempts to talk. "God Arthit! She was fucking pregnant with an abusive boyfriend. She ran to him because our relationship didn't work out. I may be a jerk sometimes, but damn it - I got a guilty conscience too! YOU KNOW ME! I just - I just wanted to be there for her as a person that she could rely on - as a friend. Why can't you understand that?! You're accusing me of being jealous when - you're jealous too when there's nothing to be jealous of! Nothing happened! I swear to you!"

I listened to his incoherent speech with nothing more than confusion. "That's it? That's your pitiful excuse for running away?"

"IT'S NOT FUCKING PITIFUL. IT'S REAL ARTHIT. IT WASN'T SOME ELABORATE REASON OR EXCUSE, STUPID! I JUST FUCKING WANTED TO HELP HER! AND THEN - AND THEN I FUCKING HEAR YOU KISSING DRAGON? DRAGON?!!!!" Kongpob had completely lost it by now.

I bit my lower lip. "Don't bring Dragon into this."

"Oh I'm going to bring him into this alright." Kongpob shook his head, disregarding my notion.

"He has nothing to do with this."
"Yes he does."
"No he doesn't."
"You kissed him."
"We kissed each other."

"ARGH!" Kongpob groaned in anger; his eyes flashing. "Did it feel good Arthit? Did it? Did it?!"

I let out a scoff. "You're fucken unbelievable Kongpob Suthiluck. Unbelievable! I can't believe I - UGHHHH - I hate you so much! Just leave me alone!"

"ANSWER ME!" Without warning, Kongpob reached and roughly grabbed me. For the first time since we were six, he was grabbing me with so much force and attention that it took me completely by surprise. I could've never imagined how angry he was up until that point - until the point where I realized that this argument was unlike any other argument that we've ever hard.

"KONGPOB! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! LET ME GO!" I shrieked as all my weight was pushed onto my cast.

Kongpob leaned forward, pressing me against the elevator doors. His eyes, full of hurt, pain, and anger, stared down at me. His arms were still tightly gripped around mine. He leaned over my face, forcing my eyes to watch his own. His lips were inches away from my nose. "Answer me Arthit - was it a good kiss? Did it feel good? Was it good enough for you to forget me?"

I swore as I bit my lower lip in anger - I felt a trickle of blood. But that was nothing compared to the sting I felt in my eyes. The tears were coming. I closed them, wishing they'd go away. I didn't want Kongpob to see me cry.

Kongpob didn't understand why I was closing my eyes, so he said in a gruff voice, "If I, Kongpob Suthiluck, wasn't the kid that moved in next door and it was Dragon instead. Would you end up loving him?"

Dragon's similar question that night came rushing back to me. I could only slowly manage to answer Kongpob. "You're being an idiot," I replied. He had no idea that Dragon and I had nothing between us – at all – all because of him!

"Oh yeah?! How?!" Kongpob demanded.

"Because Dragon wasn't the one that moved into my neighborhood when I was six! YOU DID! You can't override time with your 'what ifs'," I retorted.

"Of course I can!" he barked.
"Who gave you permission?!" I shouted.
"FATE!" Kongpob yelled.

That was when I opened my eyes and allowed the tears to spill.

Kongpob's eyes widened as his lips parted in surprise. Slowly, his face softened from the anger to something more apologetic. I knew he wasn't expecting me to cry, but he had done it. For the first time ever, in a really long time, Kongpob had managed to make me sincerely cry in front of him. I hated myself for allowing him to see me this way, but there was no other way I would have it. This was the only way I could remind him that I was Arthit Rojnapat, a boy, his best-friend nonetheless - a boy in his own right to have such emotions, after a boy that he liked, was hurting him.

I felt Kongpob's hands ease off their grip on me.

"Why can't it just be easy? If you like someone, you tell them. If you don't like someone, you tell them. If you want to be with someone, be with them. If you don't want to be with someone, don't be with them! Why does it have to be so complicated? Isn't love – or something like it – between just two people? You say you like me, you say you want to be with me, so why do you include all these other people around us?! Isn't this, whatever it is, just between us?! Why can't we just -" I lost my words at the crack of my voice. Reaching out, I pushed his arms completely away from me. Turning to face the elevator doors, frantically thinking of how I was going to get away from Kongpob as fast as possible, I almost didn't hear him as I pressed the emergency button again.

"God Arthit." The words uttered from Kongpob sounded like the wind was knocked out of him. Nonetheless, I felt his arms slip around my waist and hold me back. I felt the warmth of his chest against my back as he hugged me backwards.

"What are you doing?" I asked him firmly, refusing to be weak just because I was crying.

"Do you have any fucken idea we are going to change - we are going to change forever if we're more than friends?"

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Arthit - I did a lot of thinking when I was away," Kongpob confessed.

"Oh, surprise," I said sarcastically.

Kongpob ignored my comment. "If I could, I would go back to all those times when I was with you. And at some time during those times, I would've told you at least once how much I liked you. We - our friendship is a curse Vy." Kongpob had no idea how his words were just sending daggers into my heart.

"What are you so afraid of?!" I breathed through gritted teeth.

"Of - losing you as my best friend. Because I don't think I can be both to you. I can't be a good boyfriend and a good best friend. What - what would happen if we broke up? I would lose my boyfriend and my best friend." Kongpob's words, and their reality, came crashing on top of me at lighting speed.

His hands slipped, letting me go. I was so numbed from his words, I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing when I turned around to face him. Staring into the face that I've recognized for so long, in the last 13 years, I could make out every curve on his face and the light in his eyes. "You're so afraid of the outcome, you don't want to take the risk."

Kongpob stared back at me for the longest time. "....If I'm going to lose you - I .... I'd rather it be to Dragon. But that doesn't make me any less angry Arthit."

"So is that what you want Kongpob? Me to date Dragon?"

"......."

 "Because I'm not going to wait for you anymore. I'm not going to end up 80 and alone - you know that right?"

 "......."

"We never worked out because we never tried. We just went on assuming we're only good as best friends. The attraction was there, we just never activated it," I told him, wanting him to face the reality.

"You're saying that like we're a micro-chip or something," he replied.

"Weren't we?" I raised an eyebrow.

Kongpob paused. "Am I going to lose you?"

"Forever. This is the last time I'm going to agonize about us anymore Kongpob. I'm tired and I'm over it. Unless you say something to convince me, today is the last day I'm going to cry about us. No more chances Kongpob. Chances are for sillies who think fools like you will change," I said. "I'm so ready to move on from this, but you're not."

For a while there was nothing but silence that surrounded us.

Kongpob stared at me.
I stared at Kongpob.
But silence.
He didn't look like he was even going to say anything more.

I lowered my eyes away from his face. "Okay then - I just want to ask you if you can give me some space after today. A week would be fine. Then - then I'll go back to being your best friend and we'll never ever talk about being anything other than friends. Just give me a week and - "

"Fuck everything I just said."

I looked up just in time to see him walk towards me with cadence again. His hands were immediately wrapped around my cheeks - his body pinning me back against the elevator doors once more. Surprise and shock, combined with breathless, enraptured my body. I thought I would never know what relief and shock would feel like as one emotion - until Kongpob pressed his lips against mine, hard, demanding, claiming...and I melted against him.

Finally.

"Hey! Why are you two stalling the elevator? Do you not know how dangerous this is?!" 

❤︎