Even the sun sets in paradise - [Jacob Black X Reader]

XI

I drove back to my house, I didn't know where else to go. My thoughts ran through my head a million miles an hour. Maybe I should confront Bella. What would that do for me? It wouldn't change anything, it probably wouldn't even make me feel better.

I did know that one of the only things that did make me feel better when anything went wrong was alcohol. I knew it was an awful habit, and it wouldn't make the pain go away but at that point, I didn't care. When I got home I ran inside as fast as I could. I wanted to cry in peace. I could hear the phone ringing but I didn't care enough to answer it.

The liquor cabinet called my name. I opened it to find bottles of miscellaneous alcohol. I grabbed the strongest one and ran up to my room. I sat on my bed, crying into a bottle of Bacardi. After a while I felt a need to feel pretty, It normally made me feel like I could take on anything. I changed into a simple long white dress, diamond earrings, a set of long eyelashes, and deep blood-red lipstick. When I was finished changing I heard something hit my window.

As I got closer to my window I could hear Jacob and Seth outside. It was very fucked up that he brought Seth. He knew that he was like my brother. I practically helped raise him and I didn't want him to see me this way. I set the bottle down on my nightstand and walked to the window.

I opened the window, "What do you want Jacob?"

"Just listen to me," he responded.

"Yeah like that worked so well for me last time."

"Please," he said. I stared at him blankly. "I didn't mean anything I said and Bella hit me after the kiss anyway so it's not like-"

"Bella hit you in the face?" He looked shocked that I didn't know this part of the story.

"Well yeah I mean it was a few weeks ago-"

"So let me get this straight. You think I'm mad about you kissing Bella before I knew you imprinted on me and before we did things together and had a whole relationship. Not about the fact that you kissed her this morning and then jumped to protect her instead of me?"

His face dropped, "Edward told you that, didn't he. I swear if I ever get my hands-"

" Jacob this is on no one but you. Bella presented the opportunity I'll give you that, but at that moment you thought that engaged Bella was more important.You couldve said no Jacob, you just hopped her feelings would change if you kissed her."

"You know what I wish I would've imprinted on Bella. After all of these years of your pathetic pining after me, I should've known you'd be this crazy."

I shut my window, I couldnt believe he could say such an awful thing to me. I felt so numb and hurt inside. I was betrayed by the person I had loved the most. I could finally admit to myself that I wanted to die.

I grabbed a notebook and a pen out of my nightstand. People should get some amount of closure. I wrote out a note trying to explain my feelings in a way everyone else could understand.

"This note is for anyone who cares about me. I'm deeply sorry I've put you through all of this. I will miss you all and I'm sorry I've hurt you. I'm sorry for all of the harm I've caused. Please try to remember the good points of my life rather than the low points. No one is responsible for this but me. Please don't blame yourselves. I can't feel any of the pain anymore. The rest of this letter is for my sweet Seth. I'm so sorry, kid. Please remember how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You were one of my biggest fans and I will never forget that. Please please take care of yourself and be good."

Tears fell from my eyes as I wrote the note. I just didn't want to live with the constant reminder that I wasn't good enough. I folded the note, addressed it "to whom it may concern", and left it on my nightstand along with the empty bottle of Bacardi. I left the necklace Jacob had given me on, he hurt me but I loved him; though I didn't want to. I grabbed a new bottle of liquor on my way out the door.

Jacob had disappeared after our encounter earlier so I wasn't worried I'd run into him. I walked through the woods like La Llorona herself. Mascara ran down my face as I never stopped crying, my lipstick smeared on the bottle of vodka as I stumbled barefoot through the woods to the La Push cliffs.

When I got there I sat on the tallest ledge that only the wolves dared to jump from. I wasn't as hysterical as I was earlier, only minimal amounts of tears rolled down my face. I sat there reliving the best moments of my life while downing the rest of the bottle in a sad attempt to fix myself.

Nothing could fix the trauma and pain you felt and so death was the only logical answer. I stood up and looked down into the deep dark water that glimmered in the moonlight. It was beautiful how the stars and moon made the water look even prettier and not scary. It made it look like a warm bed in a dark room.

The wind blew leaving a slight chill on my skin as I stood on the edge ready to feel the embrace of death. I turned around back to the water. I took a deep breath and leaned backward till I could feel anything but the air resistance against my skin.

I felt like a god as I fell. For once I was in control of what would happen to me. It was a headrush as I exhaled my final breath.