I just thought that red looked good on me (Tommy Angst)

Crescent shaped scars

Um tell me if I missed something
Trigger warnings:
-Tommy clenches his hands so bad they bleed
-Negative thoughts
-Blood
-Parents just not being there

"Okay! Bye boys, I'm gonna head to sleep!" grinned the teen. "Goodnight Tommy!" Philza told the blonde.
"Of course, the child needs his sleep!" Wilbur answered. The boy grumbled some words at that before taking off.

It had been two months since Tommy's mental health took the wrong turn, but for all that mattered, he seemed relatively fine. Yet the attacks only got worse from there, they were starting to make him believe nonesense, his anxiety got the worst out of him. Sitting in his chair, he had just left the call containing Wilbur, Philza and Tubbo. Tubbo probably had fallen asleep on his computer already, so it was without surprise that he didn't tell him goodbye.

He's mad at you

Taking a deep breath, he pulled up a messy sketchbook with a pencil, opening at a plain page. Passing a hand through his hair, he knew all to well his anxiety was peaking up again, so he wanted to distract himself to actually gain some well deserved sleep. The teen had gotten better at drawing since he started coping that way, a few doodles at school and sometimes he would also pull up a blank page and draw when he was doing perfectly fine. His drawings are still sloppy, but improving, the boy feels proud of himself. Maybe he could start drawing his vod covers some days? That'd be fun. Today he wanted to practice drawing hair, it was the thing he had trouble with. Honestly not something he could just doodle while listening during class, unlike hands, eyes, you get the idea.

Minutes of drawing, soon became hours, he had previously put on his drawing playlist and was mindlessly practicing hair (with a few breaks to draw other limbs), looking at reference from internet. Tommy had no concept of time with his stores closed and the time on his computer turned off. It's something he did a while ago because he noticed seeing the time made him more anxious so he just turned it off. Finally deciding it was enough hair for the day, he took off his headphones and shut down the computer.

Tubbo is mad at you

The teenager sighed, and started to tidy up his room.

He doesn't like spending time with you, he'd rather spend it with Ranboo.

Maybe he should sleep with his headphones on tonight (today?).

They think you're so annoying, they'd rather be by themselves than with you.

You don't deserve your viewers, you just used your friends fame at your advantage.

Why do people even watch your content? It's immature and stupid.

You look so-

Tommy was now sitting on the ground, back agaisnt his desk, taking deep breaths, trying to avoid a panic attack. He clutched his fists, his nails biting into the palm of his hands marking a bloody crescent on them. The pain slowly snapped him out of it, but he continued clutching his fists, it made him less anxious. The pain took over his anxiety, it was something else to focus on. He didn't mean to dig his fingernails into his hands but it did feel good. This however was not healthy, so he brought himself to stop clenching his fists.

As the fingernails exited his palms, he looked at his bloody hands, it went so deep holy shit- The boy stood up, using his elbows, to not infect his hands. He now had to dissinfect his hands and bandage them. Entering the bathroom, he cleaned his wounds with water and soap, which gave him a burning sensation he didn't appreciate. After that he dried of his hands and bandaged them before going back to his room and gaining a nice night of sleep.

The thoughts were delighted by this.

------

"What happened to your hands?" brought up Wilbur as they were gonna start filming a mod video.

What could Tommy say? I had a panic attack, i dug my nails so bad in my hands it bled :). No, obviously not. He'd just lie.. One innocent lie.

"My battle scars, Will. I tripped and scratched my hands pretty badly." he said as if it was nothing.

"Pfft, your so dramatic Tommy." laughed Wilbur at Tommy's anthics.

Quackity joined the vc.

"Ayyy Big Q, my mannnn!" greeted Tommy.

"Ayyyyy Tommy!"

"So energetic, it's fucking 3 in the morning" whined Wilbur.

"You were doing just fine a minute ago big man" commented the blonde.

"Aaaaaaa why do I let you have such a fucking bad sleeping schedule Tommy" sighed the music man.

"Coz your not my mom" answered Tommy.

"He's not mamacita" continued Quackity.

"Never call MotherInnit mamacita again big Q."

"Oh by the way when do I come pick you up for the meetup Tommy?" asked Wilbur.

"Bloody hell, why do you stress so much about it? It's in 3 months." sighed the teenager, opening up his phone checking the date of the meetup they planned.

"You know how he is... With his calendar and stuff, the only thing that bring him comfort." joked Quackity.

"Shut up mannn" answered Wilbur annoyed. "When is it?"

"I think like june 25th? Ask Phil. Anyways let's start this video-" concluded Tommy, closing his phone.

Filming the video didn't go with too much problems, he said goodbye to his friends not so long ago. It was around 7 am now, he was preparing for college, since he slept through sunday. Tommy's parents still weren't home, on a trip of some sort, they were only home briefly and most of the time they were paying the bills. The blonde was old enough to take care of himself because his parents vanished when he turned 17, which took a toll on his mental health. It was raining and the water was trickling down the window, this year he would have his driving license and he wouldn't have to walk to college under the torrential water falling from the sky. Tommy's parents wouldn't be here with him on his first unassisted drive, or when he'd graduate from college... They didn't care. He was just another bill to take care off.

Ring....

That was his queue to go to school, and to go through stuff he already knew, cause he thought it'd be fun to take a course in video editing.

--- ==
== --  Notes:
--- ==

Did you like this chapter? The end was pretty rushed, and this was not proofread. Sometimes I like to think of my dark thoughts as enemies that I have to fight on the battle ground of my mind. But its not that glorious. Anyhows, have an amazing day!