FROZEN MEMORIES

Was an attempt to suicide justified?

(Note- Names are changed and this content does not mean to hurt any emotions or anyone)
Plz try to understand the message

Hi..i m Manika ..ek jita jata example of a failed suicide victim, jiski zindagi shayad usi din khatam ho jati..par aaj 5 saal bad bhi thik hi hu..kisne socha tha ki us hadse k bad mai itna badal jaungi.
   To gaur farmaiyega meri kahani me.
Apko zaroor pasand ayegi aur agar kisine bhi suicide karne ki koshish ki ho ya socha bhi ho..to usko to ye zaroor padhna chahiye. I hope u will find it inspiring.

                          💎💎💎💎

This incident took place on 16 Dec 2016.
The worst day of my life..extremely worst. I was in class 9. We had our teacher Miss. Sampoorna. Kehna bht mushkil hai ki ek insan k taur par wo buri thi ya ek shikshak k taur par. Padhati bht acha thi..par jitna acha padhati thi, usse lakh guna achi bezati bhi karti thi. Har waqt tana marna, burai karna aur batey banana to jaise unki adat ho. Marks to mujhe ache hi milte they. Zuban bhi meethi thi..lekin sirf tab tak jabtak aapka impression thoda hil na jaye. Kafi logo ko rulaya hai. Unme se pehli to mai khud hi hu.
Mai slim hu..to wo mujhe aise tane marti ki mano maine uska khaya ho.
Mai casually bat karti thi sabse par bht kam..lekin jab bezati hoti thi to wo kehti ki * argue me no.1, batey idhar se udhar karne me no.1, aur padhai me 0*

Jabki mere marks ache they. Teachers se to batey hi nahi karti thi to argue ka to sawal hi paida nahi hota. Aur kabhi bat idhar ki udhar nahi ki kyuki kabhi kisiki batey sunne me interest nahi tha.

Aise hi 15 dec k din hamari puri class ki notebook checking k liye gayi thi. Class ki hi ek ladki ya kaho meri friend Ahana ko ye pata chala ki meri 3 friends jo kabhi meri best friends hua karti thi..Meera, Kavita ne milke rasiya ka copy complete karne me help ki hai unki hi handwriting me rasiya k copy me likhke. Aur kavita ne bhi madad ki thi meera k copy me likhke aur meera ne bhi. In simple words wo ek dusre k notebook me likhke madad kar rahe they. Aur yahi baat batane k liye Ahana apne sath mujhe leke gayi..gawah banakar. Mujhe jab pata chala ki ye bat hai to maine unko savdhan karne ka socha. Kyuki best friend thi..bat nahi bata sakti to kam se kam ye to bol hi sakti thi ki kal tumlogo ko daat parne wali hai isiliye pehle hi mafi mang lena. Aur maine aisa kiya bhi..i don't think so ki apni bestie ko savdhan karna galat hoga. But i was very wrong.
I thought next day everything will be sort out. But to my extreme badluck, things turned out to be worst.
Sach hai..mere friends ko to bas ek ek chata aur thoda datt hi padha par sab kuch..sara ilzam mere upar agyaa.

Ahana ko pata chalgya ki maine apne dosto ki madad ki aur usne jakar mam ko aise bataya ki mai bht buri fasi. Laga tha ki dost ki madad karna sahi faisla tha par aaj bhi pachtava hota hai mujhe ki Maine unki madad kyu ki wo meri zindagi ki sabse badhi bhool thi. Mam class me ayi.
Meera,kavita aur rasiya ko chata padha

Uske bad meri bari ati hai. Itna bura bhala sunaya ki mano jaise zindagi me kuch bacha hi nahi ho.
Pura ek 1 and 1/2 period to meri bezati me hi nikal gayi.

Mam- ye manika sabse worst student hai pure duniya ki. Bas bate idhar ki udhar karna hai isko.

Other students- haa mam..ye aisi hi hai.
Isko to suspend kardena chaiye.

Mam- sunle..tere dost hi bol rahe hai.
Tu to dosti k layak bhi nahi hai.

*itna to maine phir bhi jaise taise rotey rotey sun liya..bht heart piercing tha..ekdam zaher jaisa. But agey jo bola mam le kassam se wo hadh se zada tha..mam ne hadh par kardi..( aur ye baat bilkul bhi fictional nahi hai)

Mam- YE LADKI TO DHARTI KI BOJH HAI.
* ye baat sunkar mera dil bht tuut gaya. Itna zada dard kabhi bhi nahi hua tha mujhe. Tab wo bat yad ayi jab meri d ne bhi mujhe bola tha dharti ka bojh.
I literally felt like * Yes i m dharti ka bojh..i must die*.

Later that evening..i was so devastated. I tried my best to show normal. Our exam was going on.
So i faked an excuse that i have to study and i might take a longer time..maybe till 1AM. Initially mom and dad refused to stay up till late night but soon they agreed.
( NOTE- I am sharing my experience..plz plz plz dont try these..i don't support suicide..i was wrong at  that time)

I went to my room with some equipments. My 1st option was rat poison..it was in a powder form. I consumed it..nothing happened. I tried another dose with milk..again nothing happened. Then i tried to cut my wrist. I was very nervous too. I cut it..again nothing happened..blood zada nikla hi nahi..nahi kar payi me ache se.

Then i tried the worst option. We used to keep pesticides and chemicals in liquid form for killing insects. I took it and tried to consume it in small amount..it was so bitter in taste..YUCK..then i felt dizzy.
I took a glass of milk and again poured some of it. I consumed it anyway. I literally started feeling dizzy. I felt like vomiting but i stopped myself.
I went to my room to see my parents for the last time. Seeing them pierced my heart. Tears were continuously flowing through my eyes.
I kept two letters which i wrote for my friends and family.
But mera good luck bolu ya badluck..mai bachgai. I realized again nothing happened even after consuming dangerous things. I cried on my fate. I got ready for the school and put bandage on my wrist. My school bestie Rohan  came to know about it and he slapped me for trying such.

He tried to make me understand the true value of life. But i was in no mood
I tried to cope up with the things. I used to cry for my fate but after she left the school..i felt relaxed. New teacher was nice. Though she was strict but very kind and far better than the previous one. She respects and appreciates all.
I loved her. Slowly and steadily i was getting happier and happier. I was becoming stronger day by day.

One day rohan said " jo bhi hota hai ache k liye hi hota hai..bezati hui..sabra ka bann tuta aur ab tu wo
MANIKA bangayi..jo kabhi kisike samne jhukegi nahi."
Tu chahe jitna bhi koshish karle marne ki par maregi to tabhi jab marna likha hoga.

* kuch chand logo k liye apni zindagi barbad mat karo. Duniya wahi khatam nahi hoti..zindagi jina ham bhool nahi sakte. Duniya bht badhi hai..aise bezati to kitni hoti rahengi par usko man me havi hone mat dena.

Kyuki tum to atma hatya karke chale jaoge..par sath hi apno ko zindagi bhar ka ghav dekhar jaoge..wo ghav jo kabhi bharey nahi bharta. Maa baap se upar koi nahi hai..koi bhi nahi

Mummy papa bhai bhn ki jaan basti hai tumpe..plz agar kabhi socha bhi ho to mat socho.

Agar us din mar gayi hoti to aaj na koi voice of soul hota na hi koi writer.
Aaj mai wo manika hu jisko koi nahi tod sakta. Us din k bad se maine dosto se aur dosto ne mujhse duri banani shuru kardi. Unse dosti kam hone k bad mai purey class se batey karne lagi..kam nahi..bht batey. Jisko sabse dar lagta tha..jo chup kar rehti thi wo aaj sir upar utha k chalti hai. Sabne chora isiliye manika to ek jita jata patthar banna padha. Manika pathar me likhi wo naam ban gayi jo mitaye nahi mitegi.

Tum bhi manika ban sakte ho. Khudko strong rakho bas aur apni himmat mat haro..aur waisa harkat to bilkul bhi mat karo jo maine ki thi. Aaj zinda hu sirf isi himmat k waja se jo ROHAN ne mujhe d..aap bhi apni zindagi ka Rohan  dhund sakte hai apne best friends me..apne shikshako me..maa papa me aur ya to khud apne me.

Zindagi bht lambi mai mere dost..har pal ko jiyo...khatam mat karo