Boomerang (A Short Story)

VIII. If You Want Love

Kemi

I guess it's safe to say that Tru and I are a couple. However we both expressed that it's best to keep our relationship under wraps until we're both comfortable with people knowing. I don't want to be labeled as the girl out here taking other girl's boyfriends and he respects that and doesn't want me to be either. So nobody knows but us.

The only issue that has arose with having a secret relationship with Tru is that Miracle is constantly trying to get back with him. I would be lying if I said it doesn't bother me. Tru has expressed time and time again that he only wants me and not her, and I want to believe him; I tell him that I do. But I still have doubts and insecurities in the back of my mind. He was with her for almost two years and then all of a sudden he drops her like it was nothing to be with me, the girl he rejected almost two years ago.

I'm known to overthink things, especially when it comes to Tru, but I do it to prepare myself for the worst possible outcome; I can't help that I'm a pessimist at heart. Unfortunately, the overthinking never seems to help when my predictions come true because the bad things still end up taking a toll on me. To sum up my internal conflict, I don't have any more heartbreaks left in me to process. If things end up not working out with Tru, in some way that I don't know yet, that'll be it for me.

"Stop worrying so much, Akemi. I can see it all in your face," my thoughts come to a halt when I hear Tru's voice. He sits down in the seat before me , putting his backpack on the ground.

Once again I was in the library. It was only first period, but I got the okay from my teacher to be in here and fortunately, the lesson and work that goes with it are both online. And since Tru knows that I'm in here 9 times out of 10, he's been coming more often so that all our time is not only spent outside of school.

"Believe me, if I could, I would."

He scopes the library, making sure there isn't anybody who recognizes us, more so him, before he switches to the chairs beside me, wrapping an arm around me, and pulling me into him, "What's bothering you?"

I can tell him the truth, which will end up with him reassuring me that Miracle isn't anything to worry about, but I don't want it to seem like all I've done since we've been together these past few weeks is worry and complain about him not being honest when he says he want me. I can also lie, but there's a chance he'll see right through me and know the truth without me telling him. Either way, it's going to end with more reassurance that shouldn't have to be given this much, unless he believes the lie.

"I got a math test coming up today and I just want to be sure I can solve all problems with at least two ways," It's not a complete lie, I do have a math test today. But I've studied all week and the week before, so I'm pretty confident I'll get a good grade.

"Math? Two ways to solve? Yeah, I can't help you with this one." We both lightly laugh. I'm sure once he heard me say math, everything else he probably toned out, "I can help you out after it though. How does me picking you up after school and you chillin at my house to destress for the weekend sound?"

"And what will we be doing that I can't do at my own house?"

Since the day everything went down, I've been over at his house a considerable amount. His mom is totally cool with it, surprisingly, but she thinks it's a good idea to keep Tru out of trouble. My mom is also okay with it. She knows where I am and trusts me not to make any stupid or life altering decisions. Plus, she just wants me to get out of our own house for a change.

However, with all this time spent with Tru, we haven't had sex. It's not the only thing I want from him, clearly, but every time I initiate it, or we're making out and feeling on each other, he just stops and gives me some excuse. He's told me that he's had sex with Miracle and I had sex with Santo, so it's not like either one of us are virgins. That is what also fuels my doubt and insecurities. Is he not attracted to me sexually? Does he want a platonic relationship? Is he having second thoughts like I predicted? I want to ask these questions, but it's too much. I don't want him to not think I'm secure in our relationship, and that's exactly what those questions will do. But truth is, I don't feel secure and I haven't since we've been together.