wishes // a CH rusame story

#6

Honestly, America never thought he'd fall for someone so fast. Yes, he usually wasn't really slow either but Russia, that dude, was so loveable that he simply couldn't resist.

And he wasn't even his type. Like...his normal type. Usually, America was into cute boys, small and that he could hold really tight in his arms but Russia was tall and hot and would be able to just keep him drowning in his chest and that was nice and he'd stay like this forever if he could.

His heartbeat was going crazy every time they hugged, but he still had those anxious thoughts creepily taking over his mind sometimes. However, whenever he saw light coming back in Russia's piercing blue eyes, he couldn't even give a shit about it anymore.
There was this thing still bothering him though, and one month after becoming friends, it didn't really change.

I wish I was dead.

America released Russia from his arms and let his hands wander on the taller guy's back. He sighed putting his head on the Russian's chest.
He felt fingers pulling him back into a hug.

"If you're tired, you should go to sleep Meri." A little smile crept onto Russia's lips as he started petting the back of America's head. The smaller one looked up, shrugging, before he pulled out of the hug, stretching his arms. "I'm not really tired, I just have a really important paper to give tomorrow and I haven't finished half of it, and it sucks."

Russia raised an eyebrow, looking at the smaller one with a smirk at the corner of his lips.

"Is it the paper from M. Nato? The one you were supposed to give one week ago that he gave you another week to finish?" He put his hand on the top of his hair, and softly brushed his fingers against the blond locks.  America smiled to the touch. "Mhmh. That one. And don't judge me, I love M. Nato's class but this paper is straight up boring. I don't wanna do it. I can't."

"I can do it for you if you w-"

"Nope. You can't. I gotta do it myself. Even if I would really love to accept, I'm disappointing my parents enough." America chuckled patting the taller boy's back. He looked up, staring into Russia's blue eyes. He jumped a little, holding the russian's hand a bit tighter.

"Are you okay Meri?" Russia grew pale for a second, he started going backwards before America pulled on his arms. "Nope, no leaving, it's not you, I just...got a weird déjà vu, but I'm fine."

America grabbed the other's face and smiled again. "No panicking Rusky. I'm alright, you made me think of someone is all. Promise."

Russia still went a bit distant, and held his two hands together, leaving America's hanging on his hip.

"Hey Rus, why do you think you're going to hurt me?" The American asked while petting softly Russia's shoulder.

"It's not...it's because...I don't really trust myself with some things and...I could observe what it could do... and it's just awful and- and I really hate it and- and- and-" Russia started to stumble over his words. "It's like...it's like the worse and I don't...now I don't want you to hate me because of this, it's just...it feels so nice being with you America." He finally said, his eyes looking to the side and his face looking as embarrassed as it was panicked.

"I can kinda see what you mean. You know? It's like being traumatized because of a shitty ex but... worse." America put a hand to his face, thinking a little. Russia turned his eyes back to him and scratched the top of his head. "I wouldn't really be able to know."

"You've never had a girlfriend?" Russia shook his head. "Or a boyfriend?" He smiled a little, the Russian's fingers brushing away America's hair from his face.
"Nope, never. My dad would never allow me to date a guy. Not that we really had that discussion either. I don't know. I never had someone that close to me except for my siblings before so..."
America's face was completely red. That was flirting. That had to be flirting. That could not be something else. "You're lying. Not even in middle school?!"