I Quit Thinking

CHAPTER 3

Get Yourself On A Shed

The next day, I stopped doing my routines. The moment I woke up, I just keep staring at my doorway, wide and open down the hall where people in this floor building used to walk their way out each day.

"Barina wants to have a word with you upstairs." Lara, the only lady who delivers Barina's coffee in this building, knocked and left that words to me. She's a busy person and I appreciate her coming over here to deliver a message. Not coffee.

No coffee for me? TELL ME ANOTHER JOKE. I am broke, I ran out of coffee. That summarizes why I'm still not getting out of the bed. I'm finished.

✷

"Sit."

"I just got out of the bed. I don't like to push my esteem down to a low-leveled chair." I weakly say, barely could not even keep myself as compact as the wall beside me. I have to admit, I don't like the idea of sitting on her sofa while she's free to sip a cup of Kelly's in front of my face.

Kelly's...

"Explain." Barina said, the owner of this bricked, old, five floor building where I'm currently living.

"It's not like I have any other choice."

"Yes. So do it now, I'm listening."

Bobo. "I mean, Barina. It's not like I have any other choice but to consider myself living in an affordable apartment like this. It's not my fault it's about to give up eventually. Have you been in a relationship? Have you been stuck in a toxic relationship before? Imagine you're the door, and-"

"Alfredo." She says, I could shit myself for stopping a laugh in my throat. I'll never give her that.

"Alfredo. Right. He's the doorway. You've been clinging on him for almost a decade or a season now. And it's tiring, right? it's pointless-"

"Like I'm being punished, broke each time and couldn't afford the oxygen he only brings." She cuts me off, really feeling it. "I think, I.. I get your point there, Louie. I should give up before the doorway lets go of me itself."

"That." I shoot her a special nod. Only made for her. "That's what happened, I'm out of the line. I swear to you, Barina. There's no third party involved. They just made it quits and I found the news when I got home last night."

Barina watered the coffee down her throat. She's about to cry but she'll never gonna have me witness that. Narrowing my eyes around the place, neat and fresh, there's a lot of sky blues everywhere.

Except for one. The pen on her table, it's red. At least there's one that suits my likes.

"Louie."

"Yes, Barina?" My voice pitching high for her name. Plastic.

"Does Alfredo got any of my replacement yet?" She pursed her lips. I'm not sure whose Alfredo are we talking about this time.

"No, not yet. W-would you help me find a replacement?"

She gave me a hot, daring look in the face. "Let him suffer. I don't mind. I'm a free woman, free as the ocean." Her head turns on the huge canvas on her wall painted with bermuda triangle. Ocean.

"Noo, no, no. Barina. I mean my door down there, on the third floor? The second flat on the right? That. I need a replacement for that, I am doorless, Barina. I'm door-free..."

"Is it my fault?"

"No? But it's more than your responsibility than mine. This is your building! I only touch 2% of it!"

"You're rasing your voice to the person who owns 98% of it then?"

"Of course! Not." I swear I'm not good at conversation like this. "Barina, listen to me first. You and I should make an agreement. It's your building, and I am just Louie. See? I am just somebody who's tryna want a new freaking door."

She blinked three times before dialing a number. Her phone is blue, too.

"Medium coffee. Please." She says to the other person on the line. "Make it two, decaf."

"I don't drink decaf." I interject, then she end the line. Smiling on my direction.

"I'm expecting another person right now." She said. "Right now, Louie." Now she's not blinking. She's staring at me, waiting. "Exit."

"How about my door?" I confusingly ask, ignoring my embarrassing I don't drink decaf interjection. I can't believe I did expect something such a highly exotic kindness.

"You find a new same door. I'll pay for 98% of it."

Pressing my head on the wall, I nod. Smiled. Nod again after shaking her hands. And smiled. Ear to ear as I faced the way out of her ocean damn blue by you crib. I closed the door behind me, hard.

✷

I had a lunch finally, thanks to Lara who stumbled on the stairs while I happen to be getting back on my room. Two decaf's thrown away in the air, but she told me her boss have had enough of her mess all the time. We made an agreement that I will not tell anyone she has to replace the coffee with 3-in-1. Surprised as she let's out two packs of instant sachets she's been hiding in case of an emergency.

And the rest is history. I helped her cover a crime.

"Thanks, Louie. Are you sure that's all what you want? Nuggets?"

"Yes. And a job."

"What?"

"Nothing, I need another box of.. of nuggets to bring home actually."

"Hindi ka na-uumay?"

"Shit." The chicken in my hand fell down on the sauce plate. Lara quickly reached out to give me a napkin. "Pinay ka?"

"Hindi. I learned that from my friend. In school."

"Pinay 'yong friend mo. OK."

"Yes. She also introduced me to Sinigang." Lara's eyes pops out a heart.

"Sinigang, how was it?" A box of take-out nuggets placed just beside my now summoned plate. I mouthed thank you to Lara and she excitedly continue to give me her Sinigang story.

"... And the potato." She finished.

I stand on my feet, giving her another thank you's before taking on my sunglasses again. She pulled me to a hug, reminding me to keep what just happened on the stairs. And I'm one hundred percent sure I'll never gonna tell Barina she just drunk the best decaf in town.

"By the way, Lara. It's Adobo." I tell her, pushing the pull door in front of me. "Not sinigang."

✷

On my way home, I'm hugging the box in my chest, completely blown away by the probability of Lara getting fired by her Boss from finding out that she screwed again. Splashing two medium size decaf on the stairs and replacing it with instants. Involving Barina on the scene, storming inside Kelly's, and an innocent jobless slash doorless woman bribed for a one-day lunch and a take-out nuggets.

It's gone.

"Fuck me." Pushing my hair back and away from my sight, I kneeled down the ground, spreading my arms on it near beside my building's main gate. The nuggets are gone.

Glaring around the scene, I find the man who just made my nuggets fly. Son of a mother fucker who fell from Big Bang.

"That's it? You'll walk out after joining me here a while ago watching a free nuggets display on the air." I'm tired of my days lately. My voice gone flat again.

The man just stood there, the heat from the sun is completely making him cry in sweats.

"I love nuggets." He says. "I love fireworks."

I gave him a look of an uninterested daughter. "Clean." was the only word my mouth can manage. "Clean it." One more say, I'm going to cry again. "Clea-"

"Okay! Miss! Don't give me that eyes. I got this. Get yourself on a shed. Watch me while you're grieving."