I Quit Thinking

CHAPTER 11

Three Months

Did it hurt sometimes to be really scared for someone's life. Did it hurt sometimes to imagine how someone is losing you slowly. Did it hurt knowing you're about to be gone too soon?

Today, I am looking at Alena's six feet tall stone statue. It's helping me also to hide my body from the sun, trying to ignore the heat from an afternoon glance. Alena's body best describes the curves and marks that every woman has, her face is nothing as mine, her curls and posture too. Even how many times I speak to her, tell her everything that is keeping me awake every night, blaming her at some point and giving her the numbers of how many times Henry mentioned her name to me, still, I couldn't find the relief that I need. I'm still mad at myself. Mad at everything. I haven't still recovered from that day, with Kiana hearing all of those firings, and.. Paulo who I've taken wrong.

My fingers run into Alena's knees upto her waist, when I was fourteen I couldn't even touch her for I was so angry with her. But now, after that confrontation with Paulo, I couldn't be more angrier to myself and to where it took me. "Why could I just be you, though. Why is it that you became this hard and I am here alone, melting."

"Louvielle," Someone called behind me. The voice is hoarse and huge, thick with an accent. "They are waiting for you inside."

I ignored the person and continue to envision a smile to Alena, eyeing her with the thoughts I made earlier. Does it hurt so much? Losing someone so soon without even knowing them that long, without even having them to look at you and tell you how you matter to them, how much they still want you around, how much they still want to have you in a journey together.

God, I'm thinking too much now. I'm thinking pass today's limit.

"Louvielle."

"Wait, I'm still trying to connect with Alena."

"It'll never talk back. Come on. You're barely even dressed."

I look over my shoulder, there I found the man who's standing in a thick coat. He maybe around sixty, his face is clean and shaved, he's tall, a handsome man. "I'm trying to connect with Alena." I repeat, turning my head up to Alena again. "And I'm wearing a racerback and a pair of jeans. Your 'barely even dressed' face doesn't really go with my outfit."

"I can find you a blazer upstairs, don't go hide from me." He say running away to get me one. Blazer.

"Stop right there.." I call, "Tell me, why can't I have Alena's book?"

"It's not for everyone. You can never have it, nor touch it, Louvielle." He walks back his tracks to where he's standing from me.

I understand his reasons. "Do you know someone named Consuveo Hana?"

"Yes, he's Henry's father." He says while he covers his eyes from the sun using the back of his hand.

"It's Alena's son. Henry's father was Renior Hana."

"My mistake,"

"Do you know that Consuveo killed his older brother Timolbo?

"What is going on." He's not listening.

"I just want to tell you that Timolbo was the person behind Alena's book and the real book is in my apartment, back there. I left it."

"Louvielle, you are smart but don't try to use it on me."

"If I'm just making up some words here, what's my gain on that? Nothing. I'm telling the truth, Sir Janra."

"How'd it happen. Let's see what you got."