barking at the moon [tendou satori]

chapter four: bug eyes

TRAINING CAMP WAS nothing she wasn't used to, but Tendou had quickly become a distraction for her. If the teams happened to share a gym, he would make faces at her until she broke into laughter, he would purposefully let balls pass him just so he could run over to her and he would always make a big show whenever he scored.

  Overall, a huge distraction. Oka slammed the ball over the net and clapped hands with her teammates before suffering a look over at the boys. Tendou was staring straight at her, holding his thumbs up. She giggled, waving a hand at him.

  "Katano! Focus please." One of her teammates chided her and she turned around with an apologetic smile. Luckily the rest of the team all giggled at her obvious crush, letting it slide. It was rare for Oka to pay attention to something other than a volleyball; and vice versa.

  Finally when they took a half, she sipped her water and let her eyes wander to Tendou. He blocked yet another ball and whirled around to look at her. She gave him a thumbs up, grinning when he blushed a little.

  "Oh my gosh, I just feel bad for that guy." Lucy sighed from where she stood next to Oka. Oka furrowed her eyebrows. Had someone fallen?

  Lucy found her confused expression and snickered. "You're not that oblivious are you? The redhead, he's clearly got a crush on you; poor thing. It's a shame he's so weird looking." She shook her head, hands on her hips. It reminded Oka of when she saw breeders looking at the "bad-looking" one of the bunch.

  It filled her with white rage. Her hands clenched around her bottle and she glared at Lucy, who didn't see it. "Excuse me?" She gritted out. Lucy raised an eyebrow and turned to look at her. Shock filled her face, clearly not expecting Oka to react so strongly.

  "Well I mean he's got those weird bug eyes! And his hair, he's just so odd. I mean yeah he's a good blocker but he's just so buggy!" She rapidly explained, voice raising as she flailed her hands. Some of the other girls had noticed and had begun to switch their attention to the pair, making Oka's stomach turn.

  Oka bit her lip, knowing that being so angry was an overreaction but the thought of someone treating Tendou like this was revolting. "Do you even hear yourself Lucy? Maybe he's actually really nice and funny. Maybe he's got a good personality but no just because you think he's ugly that's it. No getting to know him, no becoming friends," she struggled to keep her voice down, "I, for one, happen to really like him so maybe watch your fucking mouth before you go spouting some shit that'll get you landed on your ass."

  It was only when she finished her rant when she realized the gym had gone deadly silent. Oka glanced around, seeing everyone stare at her. Either in shock or fear. Hell, even the boys had paused their game. She turned back to Lucy, who had taken a couple steps back; equally as embarrassed as Oka.

  "Right. I'm sorry Oka, I'll leave it alone." She squeaked out, quickly turning and awkwardly running to her bag. The girls made a path for her, like she was some untouchable thing.

  Oka sheepishly looked at Tendou. He was staring at her in pure shock. His mouth hung open, and that ugly feeling returned to her. It was like when he flinched away from her. Ugly and cold shame poured into her. Was it still too late to run away?

  He glanced away from her, focusing back on his own game.

  That ugly feeling turned into a weight.

  It latched onto her heart. Hot tears swarmed her eyes and she furiously drank her water, determined not to look weak. 'Stupid stupid stupid. How could think he actually liked you? As soon as you fuck up he leaves, why couldn't you just keep your stupid mouth shut?'

  The girls had luckily given her some space and resumed their conversations, albeit a little quieter than before. Her coach, an old and quiet man approached her and cleared his throat. She turned to face him, regret coursing through her veins. "Katano, maybe go take a little walk until you calm down. I'll talk with Lucy about her uh, words but just go take a break." His eyes wandered everywhere but her face, hot shame making her bite her wobbling lip.

  She nodded, barely making it across the court and out the door before she burst into choked sobs, frantically looking for a hidden place to cry.

  She ran through the hallways of the huge gym, heart beating like an out of tune snare, vision blurring from the tears. A snake called regret wormed its way around her heart and squeezed it, her breaths coming out uneven and rash.

  Eventually she found an abandoned bathroom and slammed the door behind her, grateful for the dim lights and empty stalls.

  She ran into the nearest one and doubled over, as if trying to fold in on herself. Oka crumbled onto the floor and sobbed into herself, not worrying about volume or sounding disgusting. After all, no one would ever like her so why should she care about her appearance?

  It just wasn't worth it anymore.

  This whole time she'd gotten her hopes up with Tendou, believing that he could be the one. That maybe spending her whole life being mislead by romance and sitting on her ass while friends went on dates had paid off. But no, she was still the ugly and stocky girl no one wanted. Boys still asked her out in dates as jokes and laughed when she agreed.

  The only thing that was for sure was volleyball. It would never back away from her. But even now that was in jeopardy since she just had to go and ruin everything. All over a boy she had met four days ago! God she was so stupid.

  A door screeched open.

  "Oka?"