ten things i hate about u | l. gallagher

1. his voice

...

i hate his voice. i fucking hate it. 

its the same voice that called complimented me day after day, when we lay side by side under the stars. he'd glance at me out of the corner of his eye, a small, secret smile on his lips. that same gentle voice once asked if i was okay the first time we made love. i even fell in love with his moans and those infuriating, teasing remarks.

tina giggled softly at the face lip had pulled, her laughter dancing around you both like a familiar song. "i told you, mom bought the rich people cheese. it had like mold or some shit like that." she crunched her nose at the neatly cut squares of cheese her mom had prepared, the dark green spots on its shell betraying its age.  

"well, in that case, why don't we give it back to nature?" lip said with a mischievous grin, snatching the small container and tossing it towards a tree in the distance. "not the whole container--lip! i need to take that back," tina whined, rising to her feet from the small blanket beneath them. "oh, c'mon. it's a shitty container, you won't need it." before she could take a single step, lip reached out and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling her down with enough force to have her tumbling down on top of him. 

"motherfucker," she mutters, but he only scoffs playfully.

"whining?" he teased, his eyes bright with laughter.

"you didn't just get squashed by a fuckin' hippo," she gasped, smacking his arm as laughter bubbled from her chest. "says the whale himself," she shot back, rolling her eyes. "you'd eat me with that ginormous mouth of yours if you ever had the chance."

his grin widened as he leaned closer. "eat you, huh?"

her brows furrowed as she let out an awkward laugh. "fuck off." she moved to stand, but before she could even make a move lip had rolled to cage her underneath him. 

"no, let me hear it. what else would i do to you, hm?" he pressed, his voice low and teasing.

that night was the first time they'd slept together under the stars--a moment straight out of a dream. it was warm and tender, a softness they tried to pretend didn't exist. for tina, it was magical. she had been with lip, her best friend and the guy she'd been in love with for as long as she could remember. she cherished that night, convinced he felt the same way. but by the next day it was as if she didn't exist. lip didn't act any differently, didn't even mention it. he simply went back to karen, as if nothing had happened. and that hurt more than anything.

it's his voice that tears me down now, too. the same voice that would tell me such pretty things, now spits such cruel words. that same voice screams about how worthless i am when he was the one struggling.

"i told you to fuck off, tina."

tina rolled her eyes, knowing him well enough to see the stress building up inside him. everything with his family weighed him down. she made it her mission to help, but lip had reached his breaking point. 

"lip, i told you i'd help you and your family with whatever i can. you can count on me. always." she reached for his hand, but he pulled back, raising his fist. instinctively, she flinched. for a moment, regret flickered across his face but it was gone before before she could hold onto it. 

"i--i just want to help," she whispered, hands raised in a silent plea. 

"and i told you to fuck off," lip spat. "we don't need your help. we've got karen now, alright?" his words came faster, angrier. "you hear me? no one fucking needs you. we don't need your stupid jokes to lighten the mood, and we definitely don't need your 'helping hand.' so take it somewhere else!"

he walked away without a backward glance, lighting a cigarette as if nothing had happened.

i swallowed the pain. i kept my mouth shut and went by the following day to offer my help. i excused his behavior, like i always did, for being stressed because he's dealing with bigger things. i would, however, never admit how deeply his words cut...because as much as i hate him, i still fucking love him.