Fuck You, Nicely

empty words

Words left your mouth that I've already heard over and over

Do you think this time they'll work?

You say "it's been four years, enough is enough"

Has it really been that long?
I don't remember

Stubborn in the worst ways, flexible in the worst ways

I never win

I have a dream and you use it against me

I know I am not helping myself, I know the pile of unfinished assignments doesn't help me

I know me telling you "maybe we can try a different shrink?" And still not getting out of bed isn't helping

I know everything and it's eating me alive

I know the steps I need to take to live the life I desire but I feel as though my feet are planted in tar

After a battle of words and an finished piece you tell me to show you, I do

You say they aren't my words, you haven't seen my writing in two years.

How would you know.

You make it seem like the emails from teachers are embarrassing you

You point out how embarrassed you would be to walk into class after not fulfilling yet another empty promise

I know

I live it

I also live with my thoughts

My body

The weights on my shoulders I just can't seem to get rid of

I just want you to go along with me, I know I might be running in circles but let me break that cycle on my own I have faith that I will

I don't need to lose faith in my own blood

I believe in myself and your " just get up and do it, it works" doesn't help

I had no baggage in art class yet my legs felt too tired to carry me, it's not about my fucking homework.