A book of poems, songs, and short stories .

Mind full of confusion: Short story

 Do you have a mind full of stories, then when you sit down and try to put them on paper or tell someone something epic you've just imagined, but then your mind says "Lol. Nope. I forgot?" Or does it spin with too many thoughts that are unrelated or you can't seem to put them into words? Or maybe perhaps it gives you so many ideas but you can't seem to find that one idea that makes you happy with your decision?

Well that happens to me so often. Especially when I'm trying to write a poem, to help people to understand my mind, or my imagination, or my experiences, because my mind is complicated. And so is the world.

If you know me, ever wonder how i can write so much, and so creatively? Well here is your answer to what happens in my mind. No promises that you'll still have your sanity at the end of it though. Or understand me any better for that matter.

It all started when Mrs. Marshall, my English teacher, gave me the form for another poem contest. She had entered me in this type of contest before. But I never got first place. The closest I got to first place was 27, with my poem Nights Owl.

So this time I was determined, to not only win but to stand out, to be creative, to catch and keep their attention, to make them think about my poem and what it means, to make them see and hear my poem, to stay in their mind, to mystify and to justify. I was determined to be the wildcard. All through the day my mind wandered to what I should write. I could barely focus. And I was relieved to finally get home and try to put those thoughts to paper.

As soon as I got home my mind decided to play its usual tricks. At first I forgot all the things I had been brainstorming. Then as soon as I found one my mind swam back with all the others and even more. But I soon realized that each of the ideas stayed to one unique topic. With a lurch of heart I realized I'd managed to find my title. "The title" I thought. This'll make things easier. I began to write by instinct alone. Across the paper here I wrote Nightmares Are Dreams Too.

"Nightmares," I thought "They're dreams too"

"And they come true just as often as dreams."

"After all, balance is vital. There's no good without bad, no dark without light, no sun without moon, no day without night. No yin without yang " I thought.

My mind swarmed with these thoughts. After a while I found what I wanted to make the poem about. I wanted it to be about somebody who's seen both good and bad in the world, talk to a person who thinks the world is just black and white. She'll try to show this person that the world isn't just black and white.

"Of course though I'll add in a hint of the supernatural, because why not?" I thought with a smile at my fantasizing mind. No matter how old I became, some things never change. "Just like how good midnight fudge is," I thought. Big mistake, it made me hungry. So I went to get something to eat. When I came back from the snack break, my mind immediately focused on the task at hand. Where my thoughts left off. The world isn't black and white.

"Because sometimes the ones you trust the most, will be the ones who hurt you the most." I thought while looking back at my past. I thought about my father.

"The ones who you rely on the most, may very well be the ones who'll use you and boast,'' I thought, I thought about Oga who was my best friend. I was two naive to see how one sided our friendship was.

"And the ones who you fear, will always be near." I thought about my nana. She was scary when i was young but i could always rely on her to be there for me.

"The ones you hate, will never be late," I thought about kallie. Kallie was my school frienanmie, i didn't hate her i envied her, her life was perfect while mine was a disaster.

"The ones you despise, will never be your demise," I thought about my teacher, Mrs. Oneali. I had hated her telling me how to feel, but she wasnt telling me how to feel, she was trying to help me.

"The ones who you thought bad or evil, have intentions that are good," I thought about my therapist. I thought they were trying to control me when realy they were trying to help me.

"After all people could do good things for the wrong reason," I thought about Gaby. gaby my older sister wanted to help me, because she pitied me.

"Or bad things for the right reason," I thought about myself. I was mean and mad and i constantly acted out. But I was acting out because I needed help.

These things fueled my writing spirit.

So here I begin with my first line. I knew people saw me different. They try to swad me with words to change. Words like crazy, weird and insane. I wanted those to be incorporated. I wanted to show self predijudge. So i began my first lines.

"Now what to do about my next lines." I thought. I immediately had an idea. I knew that I would become harsh if nobody listened. And I knew so would those who were loyal to me. So my next lines i continued.

Feeling justified with the warning. I knew. whether from instinctive or feeling? I don't know, but I had to put my life's desire in the first part of the next line. Then, I'd continue on with how the world can be complicated. I wanted them to learn that the world isn't black and white, to see the world as I see it, and to be speechless because the world isn't what they thought they knew.

Back to the topic of my life's desire. "My life's desire" I thought "what is it?" Almost immediately I knew the answer. Three words were on my tongue. Three words that I longed for in life. " To be heard," I thought, "that's all I ever want, is for someone to listen, someone to tell, someone who'll listen to my tales and treat them as if they're gold, someone who won't judge, someone who'll hold their tongue, somebody to tell." hence the next lines that followed I knew to write.

The next lines I thought should include how crazy my friends can be and another warning. So the next lines i added and restated.

The last lines should include the person trying without hope to contradict my story and say that I'm joking. But I would simply deny and tell them it's their mind to do what you must, as I watch what little of their idea of a black and white world fades into mist. Then when they have all but a spec of it, I shall tell them that no matter what they do they shall not ever forget it. Because I'm wild and unpredictable. Then I ask as they're world collapses if they really wanna mess with me. So therefore the last lines must indulge to the end to make the reader feel helpless and small.

Smiling finally satisfied, I put down my pencil and typed my finished poem into a doc. Once finished I shared it with my teacher, then closed my computer for the night. I felt my mind making its usual last minute worries as I got ready for bed, which I simply pushed aside. Then knowing that, that night I could finally get some sleep after three nights without it. I turned out the light and said goodnight night.

The end.