A book of poems, songs, and short stories .

Familiarly Tired

Just as i was about to attempt to commun with some peers,
to try and find my place
One which I belong
There i see, a girl with headphones
crying alone, everyone ignoring her scars, she'd finally got the courage to show
Without much thought, i go and say
“Hey, do you need an ear”
Whoa, wait a minute. What did i just say
I didn't even think what I said through.
To be honest, i was somewhat confused
I was thinking like all else. This was about to blow up in my face.

The girl with headphones told me her woes
“You've probably heard it all before”
“All i wanted was him to show his love,
just enough so i knew what it was,
But then he changed, and harm was done.”

“Seriously, you make no sense.
You're not thinking logically
You can't afford to be crying here,
And for some illogical reason
You gave up before me
Love, Are you upset because you can't seem to please him
Suck it up, put on a smile,
you're siblings still need you y'know”

“I somewhat understand thank you for actually listening”
She flinched at me, and then she disappeared

Ok, so todays the day or so, i thought
Just as I'd thought, I had a grasp on what emotions are.
That's when I saw a lonely girl
With her, she had 3 books
one to draw
one to read
and one to write whatever she needs

She was sitting all alone
So despite myself, i go up and say
“Hey are you ok?”

The girl with 3 books told me what happened
“you’ve probably heard it all before
I really thought that it would last
I was too generous,
I cared too much
My kindness was blind
I'm so confused. This sucks
i can't believe it was all a lie”

“Come on, you can't be that dumb
Think rationally!
You can’t be serious?
I just can't seem to understand,
that for some bullshit reason
You're taken aback
Cause I know you know
People change this isn't new information.
You're not as naive as you were as a kid
You don’t need them, love
They used you. Why don't you see
They're no good to you.”

“I know” she said, her eyes full of tears
she walked away from me, and then she disappeared

And just like that, there was someone every day
I listened to their tales
I talked them into not giving in
And yet there was no one
Who would  just let me be me
There is no way to acquire
the one thing that i truly desired

For the very first time there, I see
Some girl with the same pains as me
Having done this time and time again
she looked extremely confused and tired
“Though i pride myself in being unique
I long to just find a place to be,
I just wanna stop the scars that grow
I'm tired of trying so hard.
They don’t realize how much i feel
Either that or they just don’t care
Even worse, they assume the worst.
They shut me down when i opened my mouth
I'm so tired. I just wanna let it out.
everybody ignores me, and everyone steals
I don’t think i’ll ever fit in with anyone here
That's why i prefer the company of objects or animals over people
A book or a dog never made me so emotionally confused it hurts”
That's what the confused and tired girl said
“Oh wait a minute, why did i just tell you”
“I'm oversharing again. You don't need this dumped on you.”
But in the moment, i just told her what i knew she wanted to hear
Something that i no longer believed
“Honey.., be patient.. i'm sure..soon.. they'll see”
Oh, what do i do can’t help this girl. Oh, this is new
This once i think i feel more than i can understand
But even so, please just leave me alone
I don't wanna know. I wanna be numb
Your tale is just too relatablely tiring for me.
“I'm sorry, i didn’t mean to dump this on you”
She looked away from me, and then she disappeared

It's been years since I last went numb.
Is it finally time to stop trying again?
It's just me, my 3 books, and i.
The silence is welcome here
People are  such confusing hypocritical and illogical beings.
And emotions just make no sense.
Honestly, I'd rather be numb.
But I can't because to them it's not right
Logically, I know I just can't win.
Putting my headphones on, turning the volume all the way up.
opening up my books to a page that's fresh
writing down or drawing all my thoughts,
while reading a book I love.
I'm just trying to recharge for the morning to come.
This lonely, confused, and tired girl
With scars that lie deeper than skin
Is too tired and doesn't want to feel
But after every woe, I write what I've learned.
So here's one for you.
Just remember, no one is a saint,
you played a part in this, too.
Before you start berating me, I am preaching about respect.
Unapologetically, I say my belief is respect is to be earned, not given freely.
because it's allowed me to see everyone equally
People are people you're all made of the same stuff.
No matter who you are or what your position may be.
I only care if your personality is justified by your history.
Reflect on yourself before lecturing me. I've had enough
take your own advice and think before you speak.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just done being confused.
Society needs to learn that people are never what they seem.
Confused? Allow me to add some context clues.
Most don't know, but I've struggled being different mentally wise
pretty much all my life
For emotions, they are all foreign to me
Trying to understand them, it's as if they're all flying away from me.
Most don't know what it's like to be born in white walls.
I've had to adapt and blend in in order to survive.
So I mirror what I see in those that thrive.
So if you don't like how I act.
Then, think about what that says about you.

My Reason is rewritten better.