Winter Blooms (Alec Lightwood)

🗝 Chapter Forty-Seven 🗝

It is impossible to fully convey the feeling of passing through a portal. Varian realized this at a young age, the recognition that the feeling is so otherworldly and indescribable that the only way to phrase its existence is through the simple statement of:

"It's not my preferred method of travel."

Varian smiles while he makes the portal, the upturn of the corner of his lips solely for Alec's benefit. The yellow-grey of concern had just barely faded, though the color had added some blue since Varian's admission of how he felt while with in Valentine's hands.

It was the right time to tell the story and as Varian watched Alec step through the portal, his smile dropped, a deep exhale passing through his lips at the knowledge that what had passed had not affected their relationship. His heart felt heavy, but almost in a good way. He took in a deep breath, stepping through the portal and attempting to find words to describe what the method of travel felt like.

Varian's knees buckled when he landed on the other side, a side effect of just how tired he felt. Alec held his hands out, ready to catch him in the way that he always would. His parter slid his arm around his waist, the grip of his fingertips a comforting one as he rested his head on his shoulder and let his control of the portal drop.

They stood just outside of the Institute, the cathedral hall standing tall in front of them. Alec started towards the door immediately, a smile on his lips that told Varian just how excited he was about the news they had to share.

"I love you." Varian's voice felt uncompliant as he spoke, though the words left his lips with ease.

Alec smiled his usual bright smile, the kind that lights up his eyes and showed the dimple in his cheek. "I love you too V." His eyes lingered, the blue in the sharp and clear as he looked his boyfriends face over. Varian could feel the curiosity but did not question his admission.

Varian let Alec continue to lead him on, the doors opened automatically, Shadowhunters standing just on the inside with a lighter look to them.

The curiosity at why they appeared lighter faded just as quickly as it took Alec and him to cross the war room, Valentine was dead and everyone was celebrating without actually doing so.

It felt as though everything was falling into place, though the fear that the other shoe would drop sat just at the edge of his mind. He let Alec lead the way, his thoughts wandering much to far away to be any use to anyone. Varian took a deep breath again, a vague look in his eyes that took over his face the closer that they got to Izzy, Jace and Clary.

They looked impossibly secretive, for a moment he believed it was a good secret, but the moment Clary looked at him, with her impossibly expressive eyes, he knew that it was not.

"What did you do?" It was phrased as a question, as though he wanted to give the three room to think of a lie.

All three of them decided to speak at the same time.

"Just some minor demon-"

"We raised Lilith from hell."

"Poor attempt at tracking-"

The first was Jace, the second Izzy and the third Clary, and for just a moment Varian applauded there awful attempts at lying. He had of course, expected it, even welcomed it, and knew the lie would come from Jace, though he expected the truth to come from Clary, not Izzy.

He took a deep breath, Alec's grip on his waist tightening with the admission. "What?" At first Varian believe it was him who had spoken, though in truth it was Alec.

"What the fuck?" That was him, the frustration and near anger clear in his tone of voice as he watched them try and piece together some form of explanation.

They were rather aggressive when they decided to speak again, all speaking one after the other and over the top, their voices carrying in a way that nearly frustrated him. He felt impossibly overwhelmed, his powers reacting without his say-so.

The room fell silent, there mouths still moving but no words falling through. Varian nearly felt awful for it, but he did not let it affect his hold on the sound.

When Varian spoke, his voice was soft. "I do not care for the blame to pass. I do not care for how she was raised. Just that we send her back to the hell she came from, because we cannot have a greater demon roaming the earth, no matter her intentions."

Varian took a deep breath, a frown taking over his features as he let the hold on their voices drop.

"Now how do we defeat her?" Varian glanced over his shoulder to Alec, noticing the concern and confusion in his eyes. It was as though the entire world found itself dull in comparison to Varian or to the Shadowhunters. He wanted to bring it back into tune, but there was much that needed to be done, and his world was too chaotic at the time to fix.

"We are planning a raid on the location we've got her at." Jace spoke first, a slight twinge of guilt in his tone of voice. "She was fucking with the ley lines for a little while, but they've rested properly. We've got a few hours before we need to go, and if you have it in you to join we could use a hand."

Varian agreed immediately, Alec's reply came a second later. He wanted to ask why, but there was too much to be done in too little time.

A squeezing sinking feeling. Like you're falling and you can't wake up. Varian's mind supplied. He looked to Alec, who smiled in his best attempt at being cheerful. That's what it's like to go through a portal.

That's what it's like to fall in love with you.