21. Broken

15 4 5
                                    

Username: Areeba019

Title: Broken 

Title 5/5

Though the title is one worded, it holds so much meaning and power behind it. I think this is a great title for your book. 

Cover 5/5

I absolutely love the cover, the green and black theme and the anime characters in the mirror. This is definitely an attractive cover that immediately grabbed my attention in a vice-like grip.

Description 10/10

The description is literally so on point and intriguing that I'm super excited to begin reading.

Character Development 3/10

I didn't really see much of a character development or any at all. 

Spelling and Grammar 5/10

There are quite a few grammatical errors present. If you read over I'm sure you will spot them. 

Plot 4/10

The book starts off with your typical nerdy main character who gets bullied unnecessarily and who has an absentee father and a mother who hates her. What made it a bit different is that the main character actually had a good enough reason for not reporting this to the principal. 

In the second chapter, she was being bullied and she ran away and got kidnapped. In the same chapter we found out that the kidnapper was paid to take her by none other than her best friend, Lydia?

I get that you're trying to build a solid reason for Morgan to want revenge, but why would Lydia pretend to be her best friend just to get her killed? Why does everyone hate her in the first place? 

I think the plot needs to be developed better, before you begin to execute. 

Overall Review 

I think you have an idea for this book, but you didn't really plan it out before you began to write. When you're writing a story, everything needs to make sense. It's very easy to get plot holes which is why it is important to fully develop the plot so that the execution is smooth. 

Reviewer 

lil_jessi

****

Title 5/5

Love the title. It's short, but intriguing. I mean, there's a lot of things that could be broken so it made me wonder what exactly was broken. 

Cover 5/5

Love the cover.

Description 8/10

I love the description, but there were a few errors like missing capital letters.

Character Development 6/10

Your description was good, but not good enough. I'd advise you to describe everything. Your writing lacks emotions. Make us feel what the character is feeling. That's the best way to get the characters hooked. In order to do that, you have to be feeling what you're writing. So try putting yourself in Morgan's position. 

Spelling and Grammar 4/10

Always remember your capital letters. Don't skip a line after your first quotation and before your last.

The spellings were fine, but your grammatical skills need improvement.

Plot 5/10

I liked the book. Honestly, I did but the plot is too cliche. Try to make it as close to reality as possible.

As far as I can see, everyone hates her. Then it turned out, her best friend was the cause of that. I know having a backstabbing best friend is a real life situation, but at least try not to make everyone hate her.

Don't the teachers care? Don't they walk on the school campus and see students dragging her to places unknown? Don't the school at least have a security guard?

In the same chapter she got kidnapped, she just ran out of school so easily with those girls running after her.

There's a lot that needs fixing so I suggest that you plan the book out so that the plot is steady.

Two more things:

1. What is an electric cigarette?

2. I suggest you remove the first paragraph in chapter 3. It's extremely unnecessary.

Overall Review

You want to write, and that's what you're doing. Keep it up. However, consider cutting down the length of the paragraphs.

Ps: Remember to put yourself in your main character's situation, so you can feel their emotions and just write. 

Reviewer 

Hiz_Secret_Addiction

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