So What If I Sin?

Chapter 1

It was the beginning of summer

My second homeschool semester of the year had finally come to an end. 

And while everyone might be relieved when summer finally hits because it means going to the beach and visiting friends, I in fact don't get the same excitement everyone else does.

Summer for me just means more time studying the bible and going to church. My mom says this is the best way to help me turn into a "well rounded kid with many opportunities"  by devoting my summers to this "God". Though it's not my favorite thing, I guess it's bearable. 

I guess you're curious of what my day to day schedule looks like. Basically my mom leaves a list at my door of bible verses to study and memorize for the day and then at dinner she quizzes me. If I mess it up or even just skip/forget a single word then no dessert for me.

This sounds pretty childish now that i'm admitting it but.. eh, feels good to get it off my chest.

While we're confessing stuff I might as well admit a couple of things..,

1- I don't have many friends

I don't think that came as a shock to you based on what you know about me so far, but I've never really "hung out" with someone. Never been invited over, never invited anyone over, and never had a sleepover. The closest thing to a normal hangout for me is probably youth group.

2- I rarely leave the house 

It's not that I don't want too, I just don't really have a reason to ya know? But if I had a reason I totally would. 

3- My parents are kinda sorta.. strict

I still like them though! I think.. I mean they feed me and put a roof over my head so, I gotta be grateful for that..right?

Okay okay that's all for now, I think.. maybe later I can fill you in on some more stuff. 

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Tuesday morning started as every other. I woke up early at the sound of my alarm, slowly made my way out of bed and let the cold air from my window sweep in and give me goosebumps, got dressed and opened my door to find todays list of scriptures. 

 Corinthians 5:11. ...Romans 15:7. ...John 6:37. ...1 Timothy 5:8. ...Galatians 5:1. ...

see you at dinner 

xoxo mom

I sighed and nodded to myself, closing my door again and setting myself at my desk to get started. Most of my days were empty and quiet like this, they all passed by quickly and blur together considering they all feel the same. 

I'm not into the bible like my parents think I am though. I mean, I attempt to enjoy it for the sake of them but whenever i'm not swallowing the scripture they want me to whole, I pick up an astrology book or read an article about horoscopes online.(I'm a gemini btw) It's quite interesting in my opinion...

The day went by quickly, like I knew it would and before I knew it I could hear my parents returning from work. 

I took a deep breath as they placed their keys down, the noise echoing through our small apartment while I quietly recited 1 Timothy 5:8. to myself, making sure I had it down word for word since it wasn't quit sticking.

It didn't take long for my parents to call me down for dinner, in which I placed down the list from the morning and headed towards the dining area. My parents were traditional in the sense that they liked sit down meals that were always freshly made. 

I couldn't lie, the food was always good, and tonight it was chicken with green beans and mashed potatoes. I sat down at my spot and greeted my parents before my dad went ahead and blessed the food. We all said Amen in unison before my dad started to dig in, asking how my day went and what I was up to.

I shrugged and smiled, "The usual.." before my mom fixed her posture, serving herself some vegetables before nodding,

"You can begin.." she stated after I got the chance to eat a few bites of my food. I smiled again, nerves behind this one before I slowly started to speak each one of the verses she had left for me out loud. 

Her eyes were lit up, her smile wide as I seemed to be nailing each one. My dad just nodded as he continued to quietly eat. I could never tell if he was into the religion stuff like my mom was but he'd never admit if he wasn't.

My nerves had left as my moms reactions seemed to be purely positive. I didn't have anything to worry about, I never did, I usually had these in the bag. 

But her face slowly seemed to shift, the emotion draining as I reached the same verse that had previously tripped me up in my room. I messed up, I knew it. I wasn't sure what part was wrong but I got the hint once her smile was replaced by her not very happy resting face and her hand went to my dads wrist. 

I cleared my throat and looked down at my food once I had finished them all. Dang, I hated disappointing my parents and the wave of guilt was slowly crashing over me. 

My mom went through her usual, "I know you're better than this, no dessert for you" speech while I just nodded, my appetite fading as I picked at my food a bit. Man this sucked.

"I understand.." I said quietly, letting out a soft sigh to myself before excusing myself from the table, taking my dishes to the sink and heading back to my solitude.

I closed my door quietly once making it there and sat down on my bed, chewing on my lip and running my hands through my hair to attempt to calm myself down, but it was too late. I was full of guilt, shame, sadness, you name it..I didn't feel good

After a few moments I shook it off. This wasn't the first time this had happened and it wasn't the last. I fixed my hair up a bit before going to grab my usual bible and turning on my small desk lamp to help light the room. 

I chewed on my thumb while rereading the verse that I had messed up on over and over again, trying different memorization tricks I had picked up to help me so later I could redeem myself to my parents. 

It took a while but after a few hours of reciting all of the lists scriptures to myself I had gotten it. I let out a breath of relief before crashing back onto my bed.

"Hallelujah!" a voice shouted. I quickly sat up at the sudden noise and looked around. It didn't sound like me and all though it may have been what i was thinking, that definitely wasn't my voice. 

"Hell yeah man!" another voice I heard a few seconds later, followed by some yelling, laughter, and shouting. It took me a moment to realize where those voices were coming from.

I turned towards my slightly cracked window and opened it completely. To my surprise, there were a bunch of kids yelling and running in the street, some on skateboards some on foot. 

"Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" the guy in the front yelled as the rest of the group cheered and laughed, watching him on his skateboard and following behind. I had never seen them before, let alone heard them but something made me want to learn more. 

I watched them all skate or run off after a bit, smiling in what I would call awe to myself. Wow, would it be fun to be them...